The Fellowship in the Big Brother House: Week 1

by Meriadoc

Week 1

Monday: It’s the first day in the Big Brother house and the housemates are meeting each other for the first time. It is very tense as people weigh each other up and try and determine whether or not they like each other.

Each of the housemates has only been able to bring one luxury item into the Big Brother House. They will have to complete challenges in order to win more money for food and they will also receive certain luxuries as a result. After each week, you the viewers will have the chance to vote off a member of the Big Brother House and the eventual winner will be the surviving housemate after eight weeks.

Gandalf is one of the first to make contact with another housemate.

Gandalf: Hi, I’m Gandalf.

Frodo: Hi – Frodo. This is a bit weird, isn’t it?

Gandalf: Indeed it is, young halfling.

(Frodo sees Gandalf’s luxury item, which is his staff)

Frodo: So you’re a wizard then?

Gandalf: Yes – not much call for it nowadays, but it keeps the money coming in.

Frodo: So who have you met so far?

Gandalf: Just you, Frodo. But that Boromir character looks a bit devious. I wouldn’t trust him.

(Aragorn meanwhile is chatting to Legolas)

Legolas: And that, in a nutshell, is why I wear a Mummu.

Aragorn: Ri-ght.

(What the other housemates don’t know about Aragorn is that he is actually in line to be the next King. I wonder how long it will take the others to suss this).

Legolas: I heard your nickname was Strider.

Aragorn: Yes. My other names include Aragorn, Elfstone and Jane on alternate Wednesdays.

(Boromir is engaged in conversation with Gimli the dwarf.

Boromir: You see, my father actually wanted my brother to come on this show so he could make a fool of himself. I’m a bit of a favourite, you see.

Gimli: But why is your luxury item a horn?

Boromir: Well, when I blow it, I can call all of Gondor to arms, you see?

Gimli: Hmm. Not much use in here, is it?

Boromir: I suppose not. But I could always serenade you with my version of ‘My Way’ when we get into a drunken stupor.

Gimli: Good idea.

Boromir: So we were all chosen from a shortlist, then?

(Gimli shudders)

Boromir: What is the matter?

Gimli: Please don’t mention the word short in my presence.

Boromir: Sorry. Little bit of a faux pas-

Gimli: Or the word ‘little’.

Boromir: Aren’t you being a tiny bit over-sensitive?

Gimli: Or ‘tiny’.

(Sam, Pippin and Merry and discussing the finer points of human psychology)

Sam: Because this whole thing is just an experiment to see how people behave in a compact society.

Merry: I agree. But back to pipe-weed…

Sam: I mean, they expect us to crack under pressure, but my old Gaffer says-

Pippin: Can we talk about gardening for a bit?

Sam: Oh, alright, then. Uncultured swines.

Tuesday: It is day two in the Big Brother house and the housemates are settling in well. They all are getting on amiably and are adjusting well to living in cramp environments. Legolas is talking to Gimli over breakfast.

Legolas: It’s tiny- I mean, small- I mean….cramped in here, isn’t it?

Gimli: Yes, it is. Back in the Mines of Moria, you could walk about for a week without bumping into anyone. A
glorious place, that was, full of beauty and splendour and-

Legolas: Sounds just like Fangorn forest. Now that was a place of startling beauty.

Gimli: Hmm! Not as beautiful as Moria, I dare to wager!

Legolas: I’ll meet that wager!

Gimli: Why don’t we go and visit each place then and then we can really decide!

Legolas: How can we? We’re locked up in here!

Gimli: Oh alright, then. Moria’s still better.

Legolas: Is not.

Gimli: Is too.

(With Gimli and Legolas not getting on too well, Gandalf and Sam are getting on splendidly.)

Gandalf: I can do fireworks, you know.

Sam: I know. I’m much more than a gardener, though, me.

Gandalf: Of course you are. You are a true champion of the people.

Sam: I didn’t study Human Psychology, The History of Middle Earth civilisation and The Intricate Details of
Flagging Down the No. 33 to Bree just to be seen as a champion of the people.

Gandalf: I know. And very knowledgeable you are. Such fireworks, they were.

Sam: I know.

Wednesday: The Third day here in the Big Brother house has been quite eventful. Aragorn (or Jane as he wanted to be known today) finally erected the volleyball net in the back garden, which the other housemates had been asking him to do for ages. He said he could do it because he knew that the hands of a kind were the hands of a Volleyball player. The Hobbits wanted him to do this especially because they were too small.
Gimli has been getting rather arrogant about being taller than the hobbits because it is the first time he’s been taller than a living thing since Little Jimmy had to have his legs removed.
Gandalf and Merry had a bit of an argument about the fact that all the ice-cream had been taken from the fridge. The wizard told the halfling: It has got far too much of a hold on you. Let it go!

Merry: I didn’t take the icecream!

Gandalf: Come! Give it up!

Merry: Now listen here, Gandalf, I’m getting rather angry with you-

Gandalf: It will be my turn to get angry soon. If you say that again, I shall. Then you will see Gandalf the Grey uncloaked.

(Merry has been getting more and more upset at Gandalf’s threats of magic and he goes into the Diary Room to tell
Big Brother.

Merry: I’m getting a bit perturbed about Gandalf having the use of magic in the house – it’s giving him an advantage.

Big Brother: Your worries are well seen, young Halfling. But what am I to do about it? He threatened to turn me into a toad yesterday and I don’t want that.

Merry: But you’re just a voice!

Big Brother: Good point! Send him in.

(Gandalf enters the Diary Room some time later)

Big Brother: I don’t know what has come over you, Gandalf. You have never been like this before.

Gandalf: I wish you would trust me as you used.

Big Brother: I do trust you, Gandalf. But lay off the threats, okay?

Gandalf: Fine. Enjoy being a toad.

Big Brother: What was that?

Gandalf: Nothing. I said I enjoy being told.

Big Brother: Good.

Thursday: By now, everyone has settled into the daily feel of the Big Brother house. But today they have been given their first challenge. Frodo has been given the task of being injured and the other housemates must apply first aid.

Frodo: Ooh, it hurts.

Boromir: What hurts the most?

Frodo: My neck.

Aragorn: Right, he’s probably broken it. Get a brace, Gimli.

Gandalf: No, I think he’s just twisted it.

Gimli: ‘E’s never twisted it. It’s just a sore throat.

Sam: It’s not! It’s the ring, ain’t it Master Frodo?

(Everyone turns to look at Sam.)

Legolas: What ring?

Sam: Erm. Praps you shouldn’t have heard that, so to speak.

Gandalf: But we did here it, Master Samwise. What ring is this, Frodo?

Frodo: Nothing. Just my signet ring, getting a bit tight.

Sam: Yeah, that’s it. Not a magical ring in any way whatsoever.

(After treating Frodo’s neck with a brace, the housemates are awarded 68% for their efforts. But the housemates are distracted from their winnings, for which their reward is a video to watch tomorrow, by the revelation about Frodo’s ring. There is something of an argument after dinner, which is stewed rabbit a la carte, made by Sam. But he told them all as he was serving that he was perfectly capable of making lasagne, Thai food, sea food and anything else that was very complicated.)

Gimli: You should have told us you had the one ring, young halfling!

Legolas: Yes, you shouldn’t have kept it a secret.

Boromir: Give it to me!

(They all turn and look at Boromir.)

Boromir: What?

Gandalf: The ring should remain with Master Frodo. And no one should take it from him. It’s such a tiny thing-

Gimli: Gandalf! You did that one on purpose!

Friday: It is the end of the first week in the Big Brother house. The Hobbits are getting on well with each other, but Merry and Pippin are annoying some of the other housemates with their constant antics. Aragorn is on friendly terms with most in the house, as are Legolas and Gimli, except for with each other. Gandalf has worried Merry further still about the whole ice-cream incident but he is on good terms with the others in the house. Boromir is a bit of a loner and has started eyeing up Frodo’s ring. But he is still being amiable, as are most in the house. Friday saw a bit of sunbathing in the back garden, which resulted in some rather red faces. In the evening , they watched their reward video, which happened to be a recording of a Paul Daniels show. Gandalf kept snorting in disgust every time he did a trick.

Week One Eviction Night

Saturday: The Housemates have all be nervously awaiting the results of the first Eviction vote and as such have not been very talkative. Frodo and Sam have been chatting for a while, but most of the others have been sitting around in quiet reflection.
Meanwhile, here in the outside world, of which the housemates have heard nothing, a fantastic 24 votes were cast for who should be the first to leave the Big Brother House.
This is what people have been saying around the world:

StefBaggings said: I vote for Gandalf - he's gotta go... all that teasing about the ice cream is childish and silly.

Sam Wood agreed, saying: I'm gonna have to vote for Gandalf for worrying Merry.

But Thomas Covenant said: It is our time to band together and really tick off the droolers. LETS BAN LEGOLAS!

Gimli was also disliked by the public. Vassal said: I'll have to go with Gimli, too. He's a bit annoying and super-sensitive.

But who recieved the most votes over all? Let's go live to the house and announce the results.

(All the housemates are sitting on the sofas, some are holding hands. Boromir sits alone with his hands over his face, he obviously think it'll be him to leave.)

Big Brother: Can you all hear me?

Housemates: Yes!

(Gimli starts nibbling his nails.)

Big Brother: Ok. The first eviction has seen 24 votes cast and I will now announce the first housemate to leave the Big Brother House.
The first evictee is...Gandalf!

(Most of the housemates visibly relax and breathe a huge sigh of relief. Sam looks sad and gives Gandalf a huge, who looks disappointed and thoughtful.)

Big Brother: Gandalf, you have thirty seconds to get your belongings, say goodbye to your fellow housemates and leave the house.

(Gandalf picks up his bags and says goodbye to all except Merry, possibly because he is still bitter about the ice-cream incident. The housemates say goodbye sincerely, but I think most of them are secretly happily to survive. The door opens and Gandalf waves to his housemates and then is gone).

The final voting looked like this: Gandalf 10 votes, Gimli 7 votes, Boromir 4 votes, Legolas 1 vote, Aragorn 1 vote and Pippin 1 vote. It was extremely close on the last day of voting, but eventually Gandalf emerged as the public enemy number 1. Listen to his side of the story at the start of Week 2, which will start tomorrow.