Ask the Characters....7
Gathered from the ongoing game at the Middle-earth board
Page 7 participants:
Anduril22, Aragorn-Lover, BowsNarrows, Daughter of Kings, Frodosmiss,
Eowynmaiar, Hobbitgirly, Laiquendi, Primula, Redheadeowyn, Ringlords09, Strange Elf
Q: Now Gríma, just what were you going to do if you had gotten your way and knocked off poor Théoden ?
Why, I marry Eowyn and become King of the Mark and she'd be my Queen
whether she wanted to be or not. She'd be mine forever, MINE I TELL
YOU! HAHAHAHA ....
Ehem...sorry got a little carried away.
Q: Now, Saruman, I know I've been on top of Isengard because that's
where I killed you and got killed myself, but I was sort of drunk and
can't remember how to get up there. I mean, I can't see or find the
staircase. How do you get up there?
Saruman: Be quiet Worm! *hiss* But, just so you know there's a lift in the centre of the tower. Go up that. I never get drunk though.
Q: But, Peregrin Took, I'd say that you do. How many pints can you drink in an evening?
Pippin: Well, Legolas said something about one drink being
enough to inebriate the common sense right out o' a grown Man, but
Gandalf said I didn't have any sense, so I figured I didna ha'
much to lose. Merry said somethin' about Gimli sayin' somethin' about
hairy women before the two o' them vanished under the table and kinda
stopped movin' and I'm hopin' he meant on their feet...I'm on my
35th pint now, but ha'n't seen a hairy-footed lass anywhere yet. Do you
have hairy feet? Hand me another... (swig, pause) What were we talkin'
Q: Hey there, Moth - how did you exceed the lifespan, altitude and
speed of the common moth to act as messenger for the Eagles not once
but twice? And why would an Eagle pay any attention to a bug anyway?
Moth: Pssst! *looks suspiciously over his shoulder and beckons to come closer* You cannot repeat this.... but....
*looks around again, then leans in really close* ...by day I am simply
Moth, going about my daily business, by night I am SuperMoth! Hero of
the Insect World!
One day upon my travels i was accidently struck by an errant burst of
gamma rays. Within minutes I was transformed into SuperMoth! I can fly
faster than a speeding train! Bullets bounce of my lycra-clad fur! I
can leap tall buildings in a single flutter!
My services were called upon by the Lord of the Eagles after i had
rescued his favourite grandchild from the clutches of the evil Lex
Llama. His dastardly plot to blow up the world using atomic "lasers"
was quickly foiled due to my superior intellect (also helped that
laser's hadn't been invented yet ). I am the Defender of the
Weak, Lord of the Skies and smudge on your windscreen...
SuperMoth at your service, day or night!
Q: So now Denethor, what exactly can you see in a Palantír?
Denethor: There's some kind of liquid inside. You ask it a
question, shake it and then look through a window on the bottom and the
answer will emerge...yes, no, maybe, ask later. It's been a BIG help
when it comes to making decisions about battles and the like and much
faster that that Ouija board, which never really worked for me because
I'm such a bad speller. The palantir was also a bit hit at parties!
Q: Bilbo, dear Bilbo! Why didn't you see that scary eye or those creepy
ghost kings when you slipped on that ring? You definitely had more fun
wearing it than Frodo ever did!
Bilbo: I did see them! the only thing is is that I thought it
was just a big, glowing disco ball and the dancers. After all, Sauron
wasn't in power yet, so I had nothing to fear of him crashin' my party!
Q: Speaking of parties. Frodo, at our birthday party, you were dancing
and I was wondering, Where in Middle-earth did you learn to dance like
Frodo: Why, I learned all those fancy moves from breakdancers on a dance program on TV, of course. Those dudes can seriously work it.
Q: Hey Gimli, who french braids your beard for you?
Gimli: I do of course! We Dwarves have very nimble fingers. Good, strong, yet nimble fingers. Great for stonework.
Q: Merry, why are you always eating apples?
Merry: Always eating apples?! I am not! I don't even like
apples. Horrid, sickly things. All sugarry and bad for your teeth. Wait
a second. What was that? Was that an apple I just saw? Yum. Ah, oo,
Witchking... Wait, hey, hey you! You! Yes, you! The one running away
with all those apples! That's my private stash that its! Thief! Lousy,
burglarin' blighter. What was I saying? Ah yes.
Q: Witchking, why are you evil?
WitchKing: Evil? Me? No way! *pause* Ok. Maybe I am a leeetle evil... It runs in the family. *cackles*
Q: Say, Eowyn, why didn't you fight for Aragorn with Arwen?
Eowyn: Weeeell, I never really liked Aragorn in the first place.
I mean, he's good looking and all, but just not for me. No, you hear
that Aragorn? You're just not for me!
*sniff* Anyway, I've changed my mind and now I'm after Faramir.
Q: Oh Faramir! Why haven't you proposed to me yet?
Faramir: (rolls eyes) Girls nowadays.. *shakes head in
disbelief* So outspoken and impatient. Of course I'll need to
wait for the right time and place to prepare a nice ambience to propose
to you, my dear! *looks pleased with himself*
Q: Hey Legolas, what on Middle Earth made you change your perception of Gimli?
Legolas: Gimli kind of grew on me over time. Besides, what you
don't know is here in Middle Earth, short, hairy guys with gruesome
manners are considered chick magnets...kind of like when a guy takes a
scruffy puppy out for a walk, the women gather 'round to ooh and aahh
over them...then they see who's got him on a leash and BAM!! I get lots
of dates that way!
Q: Frodo- how is it that your little bottle of light that Galadriel
gave you...the one you kept in your pocket...was never broken when you
fell off cliffs, slipped down the mountain or fought with folks like
Boromir?? It sure could have caused a nasty cut and who knows what kind
of infection you could have gotten?!?
Frodo: Well.....I guess after a couple ages in Middle-earth,
you're bound to produce a proper transparent polymer, those glass
bottles went out long ago, we gotta keep up with the demand for helpful
magical substances, and the matter of packaging was bound to come up
sooner or later. That's when our consumer division in Rivendell created
the new bottles.we call it earelymer.
Q: Gollum, what's with the split personalities/paranoia?
Gollum: Gollum has no spilt personality.
Yes Gollum have, Smeagol seen before.
Oh yes Gollum has.
Do not! Gollum, gollum.
Q: So Strider, have you ever thought of having a bath?
Strider: I do bathe! But then I put on my camouflage so that no one
can see OR smell me. Besides, going through the woods, as we Rangers so
often do, we tend to get a little dirty. But hey, at least I took a
bath for my coronation . They had to keep reminding me not to put on my
camouflage. Good old camouflage *sigh*.
Q: Arwen, when you first met Frodo, you were wearing one thing and
glowing, then you stopped glowing and you were wearing something else.
I know it wasn't Elf-magic, so how'd you do that?
Arwen: No! I've been exposed! *presses a finger to her ear and speaks into her collar*
This is Phoenix 63 to Zeus, the eagle has flown the rest. Repeat, the eagle has flown the nest. Request immediate evac, over.
*she reaches into her dress and removes a strange silver
cylinder.* This won't hurt a bit... Just hold still for me... *a
small red light starts to flash on the device, then suddenly explodes
in white light*
I am in fact a fairy, the great-great-great-grandaughter of Tinkerbell.
But that is not important. From now on you shall be my willing
slave.... If I remember rightly, you were just about to buy me those
lovely shoes over there....
Q: Mr Butterbur, how comes you have such a bad memory? You would have
thought that in a pub you would have to remember many drink orders at
the same time!
Butterbur: Just a moment, ma'am; I have to deliver these drinks...
Now, what was the question again?
Q: Tell me Pippin, how do you manage to eat and drink almost constantly and still keep that trim figure?
Pippin: I'm glad you asked, and that you noticed. I jog a
lot and do lot of exersizes. Keeps me fit! It's really an
addiction just like eating.... Just a sec. Let me finish fattening
myself. (chomp munch, clatter of spoons & forks) Ah that went
straight to my hips.
Well fair lady, you don't expect me to give away my secrets do
you? Actually it's no secret. If you followed Frodo around &
conspired to know what he is up to, If you had to flee from orcs &
live on nothing but Lembas & Ent drink for days, If you had to ride
the rough but speedy ride from Rohan to Gondor with Gandalf on
Shadowfax & offer your services to Denethor.....
.... Did I forget something? Even if I did forget something the fact that I'm not as thin as a wraith surprises me.
(pats himself on the back for such a long explanation.)
Q: Hey Denethor, Why the bias between Boromir & Faramir? Poor Faramir.
Q: Treebeard don't you ever fall a sleep listening to yourself talk??
Denethor, moving slowly and with dignity beats Treebeard to the microphone, easily.
Denethor: Bias? Are you implying that I, the Ruling Steward of
Gondor am biased...? I know you, with your right hand you would shield
your inquiry in pity for Faramir, and with your left you would seek to
supplant my affections! I am not biased at all, I am a realist. Boromir
gave much better presents on Father's Day, swords, fresh tomatoes and
fine furry clothing! Faramir only gave me eating utensils and books -
*sniff* and I can't read.
(Denethor turns to check the progress of Treebeard and finally just carries the microphone over to him)
Treebeard: Thank you....young master Denethor.... Do I
ever....fall asleep..... while talking....? That is a very hard
question. I....shall have to think about it.... zzzzzz...
Q: Now, Aragorn - tell us, how could you possibly manage (especially
after hours of swinging a heavy sword when you were barely recovered
from trauma and near-drowning) - to 'toss a dwarf' to the ramp of
Helm's Deep? With all that mail on, I doubt you could have budged that
dwarf, much less tossed him in an impossibly high arc.
Aragorn: I know that Dwarf looks like some minature
version of a giant from fairytales, but actually, *moves closer and
whispers* he just has big bones. Yeah, poor guy huh. So that's how I
could toss him over: he being rather light was a piece of cake for me.
Q: Oh by the way, Sam, why do you like gardening so much? Why not other hobbies like stamp collecting or train spotting?
Sam: It's not like I had a choice in the matter!!those
SackvilleBagginzes....always eating me out of house and hole! Not
to mention those dratted Tooks...always finishing of my taters!!....Mr
Frodo thinks I exaggerate but how would he know he does the same thing
to poor old Bilbo. With the price of Market Goods going up daily
what's a hobbit to do? "a bit of Gardenin'" "yes ma boy!", that's
what my old Gaffer would say.....*Gaffer gives Sam thumbs up*
Q: Old Gaffer, why are you always spouting wise proverbs? And where do you get them from, anyway?
Old Gaffer: Whallp... It's as easy as stickin' a pig in a
poke, you know. One in the hand and two in the bush. Me own da
was always a-spoutin' along like a flock o' birds o' a feather, a
talkin' proverbs to spite the nose off'n his face, and I s'pose I jes'
learnt to do it likewise. We were two peas in a pod, jes' goin'
along together like ham and eggs and we crossed that bridge when we got
to it. Naow, my lad Sam, he ain't picked 'em up quite as thick as
my da yet, he were as thick as a thieve's bowl o' pea soup on a foggy
day, but I'm a larnin' him and after he sets in it a while like a pool
o' molasses at milkin' time he'll pick 'em up. A good proverb is
a might powerful thing, like a sow's ear all turnt to gold, 'tis, an'
more handy than a third arm on a five-legged horse.
Q: Moria Orc #567 - what did you guys normally eat down in that
dusty mine when there wasn't a mixed-meats smorgasborg of travellers
Orc: It wasn't as dusty a mine as you might think. It's actually
quite clean down there. You see, when the Dwarves lived there, they set
up these special tunnels that concentrate the wind and at the flip of a
switch...WHOOSH...and all the dirt, grime, smell, and slow orc are
swept away. It's nice not having those things lieing around. Wink
Well, anyway, back to your question. Now what was it. Ah yes, food.
Well, another nifty thing that those Dwarves put in before we killed
them all was a supermarket. Yep, good ol' Dwarves. Too bad they
had to die.
Q: Now, Bilbo, how did you manage to get back to your house so quickly and how did you, Gandalf, get there first?
Gandalf: "I'll answer first, if you please. I am older than you,
Bilbo, after all. Right now, how did I get to Bag End first, you ask?
Well I am a Wizard, dear child. I'm not sure if that has escaped your
notice. I can do what I please, it's like "Beam me up Scotty" and I'm
at Bag End. Ok, Bilbo, you may now speak."
Bilbo: "Thank you Gandalf. Well it's a little known fact, but
the ring, you see, has more than just one power. It also has the power
to make you grow wings, and I flew to my little Hobbit Hole, knowing
that I may trip over several drunken Hobbits if I were to go on foot.
Glad you asked though, as it clears up allot of things.
Q: Now a question for Chuggo Just how much did you drink from that barrell at the party?
Chuggo: *Hic* Um...All of it I *Hic* think.*Hic*
Q: Ringwraith, how did you manage to come out of the tree on your horse
when the four hobbits were under its roots after picking the mushrooms?
I mean the tree wasn't wide evough nor the road wide enough for you to
hide behind it on your horse.
Wraith: *points at self* Duh! Like, no body? Though it is a
lesser known fact that my horse was also non-corporeal. Makes it handy
when we have to pack for a trip, though. You can just kind of wad them
Q: Speaking of which, why did you throw a sack of mushrooms, Pippin? What sort of lame trick is that?
Pippin: T'was no trick! Truth be told, I got so freaked out by
the creepy crawlers coming out all around me, I screamed my little
girly scream and as I threw up my hands, I tossed the bag o'shrooms.
Hey! It worked, didn't it??
Q: Eowyn...what was in that freakish stew anyway?
Éowyn: It's an old family recipe! Passed down from mother
to daughter, things being added at each new generation. Seeing as how
you seem to like it so much, i shall divulge the secret:
Take 3 ripe potatoes (you can tell they're ripe if they're growing) and
slice them into eighths, making sure to include as much of the new
shoots as possible for extra juiciness!. My great-grandmother always
said the more green vegetables the better.
Slice and dice 2 turnips, 1 cabbage, 4 onions, a large handful of
brussel sprouts, 2 bananas and a tangerine (my
great-great-great-grandmother had this health-food thing going), then
place them all in 2 litres of water.
Bring the concoction to the boil, then stir vigourously whilst adding
some crumbled mint, the zest of a lime, a dash of ginger and some
foxglove (that was my great-great-grandmother's choice, and afterwards
there was a surprising rise in unknown deaths)
Once the mixture turns a sickly yellow, top up with another 2 litres of
lukewarm water so that the colouring fades and remove from the heat.
Pour in half a pound of salt to taste.
Add some ready-made dough balls, (my choice, the men seem to eat it
better if they have something to play with) then serve if you have the
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