Ask the Characters....6Gathered from the ongoing game at the Middle-earth board
Page 6 participants:
Aragorn-Lover, Dinledhwen, Elfriend67, Frodosmiss,
Goldberry, hobbitgirly79, Laiquendi, Primula, PrincessofMirkwood,
Q: Elrond...why didn't you invite Sam, Merry and Pippin to the council meeting?
Elrond: Elrond: Nibbles, pure and simple. Have you ever tried to provide snacks at a meeting for one Hobbit, let alone four?!
It's all they seem to do!
I'm surprised they didn't start gnawing on the furniture.
Q: Now, Ioreth, how did such a knowledgable healer not know about athelas???
Ioreth: What do you mean, not know about athelas??? Of course I
knew about it… I just temporarily forgot. It’s not like we had a King
to stop by every day. Looks like your mouth could use some
healing….leme see… where’s that soap….
Q: Arod: What did you think of your King of Horses, Shadowfax?
Arod: Wheheheheh. He runs too fast and forgets the rest of us
that have to keep up - that's all it is, run run run...(snort) I'd like
to know what it is he eats that he can run like that... And there he is
with only a wizard on his back and I'm packing both an Elf and a
Dwarf... sorry, would say more but I gotta run.
Q: Hey there, Old Man Willow, what exactly would a piece of vegetation
do with something like hobbits? It's not like you can eat them, is it?
Old Man Willow: I'll let them rot, then their decomposed matter can feed me. Real tasty Hobbits are after they've decomposed.
Q: Fatty Bolger, what did you have to say to your friends when they got
back. I mean they left you back at Crickhollow for the Black riders to
Fatty: I'm never inviting them to my tea parties again, especially if they're having unexpected guests like that showing up late.
Q: Rumil and Orophin - what was it like having Haldir for a brother,
and why are there three of you? Elves don't seem to have large families.
Rumil and Orophin (speaking together) : Haldir always
thought so highly of himself, serving as the bouncer for Galadriel and
all that..."you can go no further...you bring great evil here..."blah,
blah,blah. Even we can't get past that velvet rope of his to get into
Lothlorien! As far as why there are three of us, when elves usually
have small families, we have three words for you...natural family
planning. Figure it out from there.
Q: Frodo, how did you and Sam manage to sleep on the ledges of Cirith Ungol without rolling over and falling off?
Frodo: Super glue! Carry it everywhere, comes in real handy in
tight spots (and on ledges over sheer drops). Used it on the flets too,
didn't feel too safe up on those, worse than the ledges of Cirith Ungol.
Q: So Gildor Inglorion. It must be nice to have feasts available at the
drop of a hat. Now tell me, why are Elves so skinny, what with all that
glorious food appearing in the woodland groves?
Gildor: Elves use up a tremendous amount of energy maintaining
the magical glamour that makes us look so fabulous. It makes for a
remarkably fast metabolism! Plus etheric food really doesn't stick with
Now drinking on the other hand...
Q: So Gimli, since you couldn't win at a drinking game and you
effectively tied at the killing of evil minions, what will you
challenge Legolas to next?
Gimli: (gruffly) A beard-growin' contest! Ay, lad *nudge* I'll
beat you right enough with that one - I've even got three extra hairs
set aside, to start it off, hah!
Q: Tell us, Elrond, what's it like to have a dad who is up in the sky
like that? Doesn't it make the father-son bonding a little difficult?
Elrond: It's no big deal. That father-son bonding thing, you
know... playing catch in the back yard, building soapbox derby cars and
all that, is sooo overrated. However, father-daughter bonding is IS a
big deal to me, hence my wearing of flowy robes and the cute little
curly-ques I sport in my hair...
Q: Hey, Shelob! How did you skewer Mr. Frodo in the chest when he was wearing that mithril shirt?
Shelob: It'sssss a sssssecret, oh yesssss. But ssssssince i'm feeling peckisssssh right now i think i'll eat you anyway...
I am the lassssst daughter of the great Ungoliant and i wasssss left
alone. Alone! To sssssurvive all thessssse yearsssss i had to come up
with sssssome new ideasssss.
Ssssseveral hundred yearsssss ago i came acrossssssssss a ssssstrange
ssssshaman from the Eassssst. A perculiar man he wasssss,
dressssssssssed in dark robessssss and claiming to be a wisssssard. A
wisssssard indeed! I attempted to eat him but found i couldn't...
sssssome ssssstrange magic protected him. However, i had him cornered
and he could not essssscape! Victory wasssss mine! Then in my hour of
glory he offered me a deal, a way for both of ussssss to sssssurvive.
In return for freedom he offered to enchant my wonderful ssssstinger.
Not that i needed it, but the opportunity wasssss too great to
missssssssss. With a wave and a cry of mysssssteriousssss wordsssss he
sssssaid that my ssssstinger would now penetrate any armour or
protection ssssstopping me!
No one could essssscape from me and i would never go hungry again! And
in that moment i ssssstung the misssssserable wisssssard and ate him
for dinner. Ssssshelob cannot be beaten!
Q: Now King of the Dead, seeing as how you aren't solid how were you able to attack anybody??
King of the Dead: *in a slow low voice* just because you can
look right through me doesn't mean I can't do anything, and I am not
going to tell you.
Q: Bilbo what did you think when you saw frodo with that ring on his neck?
Bilbo: What is it doing around his neck? He have put it on his
finger! But then again... I was just about to start a riddle
competition for it, but Gandalf showed up...
Q: Éowyn, what did you think when Aragon told you that the jewel around his neck belonged to an elf lady?
Eowyn: That he had obviously mugged her and stolen it. Just my kind of man!
Q: Gamling - does your King often go around not knowing who he is, or was that a one-time thing?
Gamling: I'm sorry to say, it had been coming on for a long
time. One day, he knew he was King Theoden...the next he thought he was
Old King Cole...then he was King Kong...ohhhh, you should have seen him
the day he thought he was THE King (Elvis)! Hard to watch the old guy
try to swivel that pelvis....*shudder* NOT pretty!
Q: Treebeard...how did you feel when you found out that Merry and
Pippin had been smoking what could have been a long lost relative of
Treebeard: Smoking?? What do you mean smoking??? If I ever get
my hands on those two...all young people who get caught smoking should
have their bottoms spanked, real hard. Smoking can cause all kinds of
terrible diseases, and Global Warming hrm...if it is bad enough. They
should also be turned upside down and hanged by their feet for
Q: Arwen: So have you ever heard of a woman named Eowyn?
Arwen: Yes, unfortunately. For a while after we were married
Aragorn would start talking about her. I have never met her, but when I
do, I am going to slap her so hard that he'll forget all about her.
Q: Merry and Pippin, what happened to all the stuff that was in the tent when you set off that firework?
Merry: Who said WE set off the fireworks? We were just passing
by...as a matter of fact, we saw a band of thieves packing up a bunch
of stuff from inside the tent and we were trying to stop them...
Pippin: Yeah! We yelled "HALT!" and everything!
Merry: Yeah, that's the ticket...the thieves were dressed in green and the leader's name was some kind of bird name.....ummmm.....
Merry: That's it! Robin Hood and his...er...happy guys...no,
that's not right...merry men. That's why I'm gettin' blamed for the
missing stuff. I'm not a merry man...I'm a Hobbit named Merry. See the
Q: Ok...on to another subject- Eowyn, what made you stab the
witch king in the face, rather than the body, where most people aim?
Eowyn: yeeeegads...You should have smelled his breath! I'm sure it was that that must have burned the sword away... blech!
Q: Hey, Farmer Maggot - what connection did you have with Tom Bombadil anyway?
Farmer Maggot: Well you see, a long, long long time ago we Maggotses moved to this 'ere part o' the Shire.
And it so 'appened that a strange fellow came a singin' and a dancin'
down this way. Causing all a ruckass amongst our peaceful people. Many
wanted to spike him silly there and then! But it so 'appened that
a young lassie, Elsie Maggot came over all a tissie and fell head over
heels in love. Strange gal that was by all accounts, too much of an
adventurer they say.
It was a bit weird when three months later Elsie started getting a bit
more plump than usual, if you know what i mean. And lo and behold six
months after a small furry-footed baby arrived! That was my Father's
Mother's Uncle's Wife's Sister's Nephew's Father's
Great-Great-Great-Great-Grandfather twice removed. The Maggot family
have always been the best singers since then, hundreds of medals!
Shire-renowned for our voices!
Strange set of affairs though if you ask me....
Q: So now, Imrahil, how comes you managed to end as the Brother-in-Law
to the Ruler of Gondor and the Father-in-Law to the King of Rohan??
Imrahil: See this crown? Have you seen my family tree? And if
that doesn't do it for you, the elven blood makes for some pretty fair
damsels. They'd be in demand without the added royal lineage. They have
a tendancy to be a bit attached to the sea, however, so I had to find
some really impressive men to lure them away.
While I am here, let me just say, I could have handled a bit of screen-time, Pete.
Q: I have a question for Rosie Cotton. Rosie, my dear, it must have
been a little disconcerting to discover that the hobbit you love had
disappeared with that Baggins fellow without ever even hinting that he
was a bit interested in you. How did you while away the time while he
was off gallavanting?
Rosie: Time? What time? He left? I have a full time job, for
pity's sake, and have to deal with drunken hobbits trying to follow me
home every cotton-pickin' night! I can hardly keep up with my dishes
and laundry, much less how long its been since somebody's been around,
even someone who was one of the nicer customers I admit... Look, sister
- if you have some time I can 'while away' I'd like to have it!
Q: Hey, Figwit - were there any consequences when you had to report that you'd lost Arwen, instead of taking her to the boat?
Figwit: *nervously looks around to make sure Elrond isn't
nearby* You have no idea. I had to scrub the bathrooms with my
toothbrush for a month! And, of course, there was a hobbit here that
loved to eat and you don't want to know how they leave bathrooms when
they're old and might not exactly make it...*shudders* Not pretty.
Q: So, ...um...Arwen, why did you stay at the river and watch the
wraiths get swept away? Shouldn't you have kept riding to get Frodo to
Rivendell as fast as possible?
Arwen: (bursts into song) I love a parade...!...
I mean really, how often do you get to see something like that? And
besides, I was a bit surprised that my releasing the river without
Daddy's permission really worked - I mean, when I snuck that password
from his diary, I really wasn't sure that was all it needed, you know?
Q: Hey, Mouth of Sauron - why don't you floss, or at least gargle?
Mouth of Sauron: *gives big cheesey grin*... I'll let you in on
a little secret...*flashes big cheesey grin again*...I'm afraid of
anything that has to do with dentists!
Q: Now Aragorn why did you cut off my head?! After all I never did anything to you!
Aragorn: Sorry old boy, but it had to be done. I had my dignity to keep!
You may not have guessed, but one of the reasons i'm so good as a
ranger is because no one will bare to come close to me. No water or
cleaner has touched my skin!
You see, it all stems from my time at Imladris. While it seems nice to
grow up amongst Elves, the bit you don't see is their fastidious
bathing regiment! Every night for 14 years i was made to sit in a bath
of scent salts and bubbles until my skin shriveled up. Scrubbed, rubbed
and hosed down to within an inch of my life! Any boy that has to
endure having your hair braided each morning will tell you that it is
not a pleasant act. I decided that if I ever escaped I could live free
from the torment of continual bathing!
Becoming a Ranger allowed me to realise my dream of dirt.
Now when you, fine sir, toddled out with your big cheesey smile, it
gave new meaning to the words "vile smelling". Someone else was worse
than me! I could not stand for it! So unfortunately, you had to
die. I know it's a small price to pay for my continued non-cleanliness,
but we have to give the troops some faith in the King, right?
And if I smell worse than everyone else I won't ever be bothered by annoying questions.