Ask the Characters....5

Gathered from the ongoing game at the Middle-earth board
Page 5 participants:   Aragorn-Lover, Dinledhwen, Elfriend67, Frodosmiss, Hobbitgirly79, Laiquendi, Lindorie, MrsLGreenleaf, Primula, Strange Elf

Q: Now Boromir - did you really have that dream, or did you just cop it from your brother so you could one-up him and get to be the one who made the journey?

Boromir: I had eaten that spicy venison taco before going to bed that night, so I can't be held responsible for what I dreamt! It all worked out in the end because I really needed to get away from 'dear old dad'...he smothers me all the time! Day in and day out, all I hear is "Boromir, you're so great!" "I'm proud to have you for a son, Boromir!" "Boromir, daddy wants the nice shiny ring!" Couldn't wait to get away!!!


Q: However, I've been afraid to ask Faramir how it feels to have dad show his love for him by trying to light him on fire like a Gondoran candle...

Faramir: As a boy I could not pass a mirror without looking in it and saying out loud how hot I was. I'm guessing that daddy just thought he was helping me along.


Q: Aragorn, tell me, blonds or brunettes?

Aragorn: Um... er.... *looks around to see if Arwen is listening* Actually, I started off preferring brunettes, then after a couple decades I found my tastes shifted to redheads - but the only one I met was Gimli, so I had to take a look at my second choice of blondes - but then the only one I met was really, really violent and depressed... sooo it was back to square one with the dark brunette again. But at least she's a natural brunette, or so she says.


Q: Ahoy, Cirdan - why, out of all these smooth-faced Elves do you have a beard?

Cirdan: Well its a bad habit I have, rubbing my chin when I am deep in thought. As an elf, I do a lot of that. When I am building ships I use this really tenacious elven tar to seal the planking. I forget I have it on my hands, have one of those deep thoughts and, well, you can imagine! It makes my hair stick to my chin and it just won't come off with any amount of scrubbing, so I have to cut it off my head, and leave it on my face.

Q: Boromir, if you could give Faramir any advice, what would it be?

Boromir: Invest in a good quality, mithril shirt, little brother. MAN!! Those uruk-hai arrows sting like the dickens and will bring you to your knees!


Q: By the way, Arwen, a ways back, Legolas asked you what in Middle Earth attracted you to such a scruffy ranger in the first place? I couldn't help but notice that you stealthily skipped out on that question! Now that you know how Aragorn feels about brunettes, perhaps you'd like to answer his question?

Arwen: It was shoes, pure and simple. Hundreds and thousands of shoes..... further than the eye can see! High-heeled ones, strapless ones, glittery ones, ones with soft soles, ones just like sandals!

Shoes! Shoes! Shoes!

What more could a girl ask for, but a Man destined to be ruler of this little corner of our world. I mean, yes, at first it was not very obvious, but you have to focus on the bigger shoe.. errrhh, I mean picture.

As Queen of Gondor I would be a celebrity icon! People would set their fashions by me! I can see it now.... rows upon rows upon rows of shoemakers all trying to impress me with their designs.

Ooooo... it gives me shivers just thinking about it.

What more could a girl ask for??

Wait.. Diamonds.


Q: So you there, scruffy child, Pippy, Poggin, Bippon...whatever, how did you come to outsmart a venerable old Ent??

Pippin: People make that mistake a lot, I'm smarter then I look like. What am I doing here? Who are you?


Q: So Treebeard why do you talk so sloooowwwwww??

Treebeard: I had to get a root canal....two thousand years ago.....and the novocaine.....still hasn't worn off......


Q: Merry, why are you such a idiotic rascal at the beginning of the films? In the books you were so practical, responsible and steady - what happened to you?

Merry: Hollywood! I saw my chance of stardom and thought by hamming it up I would get noticed. You know how the bad boys always get the girls, and I like the girls.


Q: Gimli, have you ever wondered why Treebeard sounds a lot like you?

Gimli: I get that a lot. Actually, you're hearing the voice of my great-great-great-great grandfather, who was reincarnated as an ent. Now you understand why, when people talk of me,they say the nut hasn't fallen far from the tree....


Q: Hey, Boromir! Yeah, down here! Uh, Boromir, how did it feel to watch everyone else get a goodie from Galadriel while you did not? (at least in the movie) I mean, even I got a couple of loose hairs!

Boromir: Huh? What? *Turns to the girl he's dancing with*  I'll be right back. I must answer another one of those stupid questions . Don't worry, baby, I'll be back in just a minute.
Ok, so now that you've interrupted the party I was throwing for all my dead friends to ask me a stu-- I mean delightful question, what was it again? O, yes. The Galadriel incident. Well, she offered me a nice elvish blade much finer than Mr. Aragorn's little blade, but he kept poking me while Galadriel was talking to me. I was trying to tell him "no" and "to stop it," but she thought I was telling her "no" and "to stop it."  Needless to say she was offended and kept the sword.


Q: Now, before I get back to the party, I must ask Eowyn who taught you to sword fight? Knowing how your brother feels about women fighting (I personally like it ), who taught if not him?

Eowyn: Well, Theodred taught me a couple moves, but I taught myself the rest. I really liked him because he believed that a woman can fight just as well as a man. That's why I called him "the noble warrior" in the song I sang at his funeral.


Q: Speaking of the funeral...  I didn't see you there Eomer. Where were you? After all, he's our cousin, I would think you'd be there honoring him.

Eomer: I was there, really. Just stayed at the back of the crowd with my girlfriend . Still, I couldn't even get to the front what with that Ranger, Elf, Dwarf and Wizard. Heard you sing though, very nice. You know you need to stick to singing, might find yourself a ranger, oh, I mean man. Real men don't like sword wielding women.


Q: Say Grima. What happened to your eyebrows?

Grima: candle....Saruman's mixture....Poof! eyebrows gone.


Q: Hey Tom Bombadil...What WOULD you have done if they gave you the One Ring?


Tom Bombadil: *the stage falls into darkness, a voice emanating from beyond its depths*

Tom: In place of a Dark Lord you would have a Musician! Beautiful but Terrible to hear!

Pop Idol would be made compulsary viewing! Mandatory attendance!

Tacky celebrity shows, meaningless award ceremonies and Entertainment Tonight will flood the airwaves! Fashion designers, Make-Up Artists and Hairdressers will be made saints!

Everybody will be made to talk in song! It will be spectacular...  *begins to dance across the stage*  La la da la laaaaaa!!


Q: And so to Unnamed Uruk-hai Soldier #3,481, what were you thinking when you climbed those ladders at Helm's Deep???

Uruk-Hai:  They told me there was food up there, we just had to kill all those elves and men, and get inside.  But when we got across the wall there wasn't any.

Q: So Brego why did you run away at the death city entrance?

Brego: I hate to say it, but it was the smell. I could handle Aragorn out in the open, but in a confined space, no way! That man needs a bath!


Q: Aragorn, just why did you stay so dirty? I mean, they did have a bath house at Edoras.

Aragorn: *looks confused* I'm not dirty! This is just camouflaging so I didn't need to take a bath while I was in Edoras!


Q: Now Legolas tell me why doesn't camouflaging stick to you?

Legolas: Everyone knows that camouflaging doesn't stick to nice, shiny surfaces and look at me...does it get any nicer or shinier than this Elf??!! I think NOT!


Q: Sam...how did you manage to stay so plump with so little food for so long? Is Lambas that fattening...did you have candy bars in your pockets you told no one else about...what's up?

Sam: Well, ya know how the elves made Lembas to be very filling? That one bite would fill a grown man's stomach? Well, as a hobbit, our stomachs are already stretched to capacity and about 10 bites filled our stomachs. *whispers* don't tell Frodo, but I also brought along some chocolate and Mountain Dew. That stuff does the trick.


Q: So, Mr. Frodo, what was up with your expressions? You looked evil most of the time and it scared the Lembas out of me. What was up with that?

Frodo: It's not ME!! It's the Ring. It isn't exactly the nicest thing in Middle-earth to have digging into your neck and I had to carry it BY MYSELF over difficult terrain. So I wasn't in the best of moods. After all, who can contend with the will of the Dark Lord. There are none who can.


Q: By the way, Sauron, how did you get the Ring on your finger over the knuckle of your metal gloves?

Sauron: That's why I made it stretchy. See? I can pull it clear out to......here!
(((((bo-i-i-i-i-ing))))) *snap!* Ow!


Q: Gandalf, you went flying up towards the ceiling of Orthanc and then we see you on the roof. There is, however, no wizard-shaped hole punched through it, so how did you get there?

Gandalf:
Actually, there WAS a wizard shaped hole in the ceiling, but those orcs can put up dry-wall faster than you can say "extreme tower makeover!" Oh, and by the way...I'm fine, thanks for asking. After all, crashing through the roof of a stone tower really isn't a big deal for an old coot like me!


Previous   Next