Ask the Characters....3Gathered from the ongoing game at the Middle-earth board
Page 3 participants: Aragorn-Lover, Ashlyn, Elfriend, Dinledhwen, Doctor Gamgee, Goldberry,
Joyfulelf, Ladyhawk, Laiquendi, Old Toby, NorthStar, Primula, Silivren Ithildin, Strange Elf
Q: The question I want to know is Goldberry: How could you let your husband run around dressed like that?!Goldberry: Like what? Oh, well you see, Tom went
through a hippie phase a few years back when he was protesting one of
the wars – I think it was between dwarves and men, or elves – I don’t
really remember – but anyway I think he went to too many of those
protest parties where he listened to too much psychedelic rock music.
Let’s just say that sometimes I have to remind him of even simple
things – you know, like “take the trash out” and “change your clothes”
and “your name is Tom”. I often give him poetry to say over and over
again just to remind him of that fact. But really, it’s not what’s on
the outside, but what’s on the inside that counts, and he is a
wonderful sweet man and I love him dearly.
Q: Legolas: Where did you learn how to stair-surf and climb oliphants? What kind of exercise program do you have?
Legolas: Well, the easiest way to get down a tree from a high
branch is to tie one end of a rope to the branch your on and toss the
other end down to a friend on the ground. That's the surfing part. The
climbing part came from getting up the tree in the first place.
Q: Now Pippin, when you finaly landed on the road after lifting some of
Farmer Maggot's crop, what animal was that pile of green...stuff from?
Pippin: Why, tha' was th' droppin's o' a truffle-huntin' boar,
tha' was! Ye'll recall I saw it an' roight awa' knew those mushrooms
Q: Theoden - Why didn't you notice that you were getting really, really
shrivelled up after being around Grima for a while? Surely you couldn't
have just gone all pruny overnight?
Theoden: Surely you noticed that they blurred the film over my
eyes. It was quite impossible to see anything through all those special
Q: Now Galdriel, I've always heard elven hair is strong enough to make
a bowstring of, seems to me it would be painful to pull one out! So
when Gimli asked for one hair, why did you give him three?
Galadriel: I didn't mean to give him three! Earlier, I had
chipped one of my nails on that pitcher I use to fill my mirror with
water. Well, anyway, I had quite forgotten about it and when I went to
carfully pull out one, my hair got caught in the split and three came
out instead. Doh
Q: Now, a question for Aragorn: How did you come by that scar on your upper lip on the left side?
Aragorn: This is a lesson I learned the hard way, namely, never
never let a horse kiss you if you can help it. For some strange
reason...maybe it's my being a Ranger and all...my equine friends take
a liking to showing their affection for me in peculiar ways. Anyway,
the scar is the result of an overly affectionate horse I once had. He
has since been put out to pasture. I thought I was through with all
that until Brego came along. Maybe I'll put him out to pasture too,
unless he stops that nonsense.
Q: Ah, a question for Denethor: haven't you ever heard of forks? What's
with your table manners anyways? Were you raised in a barn or what?
Denethor: Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I was. But now you
know, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to kill you. You see, i am in fact
Bannathor, the long-lost evil twin brother of Denethor who was secreted
away in the mid of night.
I was raised by these simple farmers from Lamedon, and meal times were
much more "relaxed" than you would expect. Nothing better than ripping
apart your meal with your fingers, I was taught.
Well, it happened that one day the young soldier Denethor arrived in my
village and the shocking truth about my birthright was revealed. I
decreed there and then that I should have the power and prestige that
had been thrown at my twin. So, during that night, I spiked his Malt
Beer with fernlass extract. It was now my chance to take the role that
had been taken from me!
"Bannathor" died that very morning, and is buried not far from the very
same barn I used to eat in. Denethor I am now, Steward and Ruler of
Gondor! Unfortunately, you can take the poor boy from the country, but
you can't take the country from the poor boy, and so some of my old
habits show through sometimes. Now, how would you liked to be killed?
I'm sure you would like some of this fine Malt beer..
Q: And so my next question is put to Thorin, when you were going on an
expedition with limited supplies, why did you choose to take 14
Thorin: Its something like filling out invitations to a wedding
I am afraid. You can't invite that fellow from work without inviting
the whole dratted office and there's no choosing your favorite
cousin...I am afraid it's all or nothing. There was no getting Ori
without Dori and Nori hanging about and I couldn't very well bring Oin
and not tell Gloin., (that one is stubborn as they come, I think he
came along just to irritate me).
Now I am not superstitious, but dwarves don't take chances. When we
were up to 13 I was in something of a bind! I couldn't find one single
dwarf to invite that wouldn't have a passel of relatives tagging after.
That is when I took the whole problem to Gandalf and he proposed we
bring along that hobbit fellow.
Q: And speaking of him...Bilbo, why is the book red?
Bilbo: Well, Longbeard, the book is Red because I spilled some
fine red wine on it. Remember when I saved your...assets by floating
you down the river in that wine cask? Well, I saved a bit in a flask,
and got reminiscing and writing...and drinking and writing...and, well
I digress. Short version, I got startled and the wine spilt all over
the cover. Contrary to popular opinion, Oxy- Clean will not get out red
Q: So, speaking of stains...Legolas, what is it with your tunic never being wrinkled or mussed?
Legolas: I'm always perfect. What more can I say?
Q: Now Aragorn why are you always so untidy?
Aragorn:Well, what can I say? I have sooooo many things going on
who has time to worry about a few wrinkles in my clothing or even
making sure my hair is perfectly couffed. If only I had a personal
assistant to take care of the unimportant things! *sigh*
Q: Gandalf, how did your cape go from dirty when you left the Hall from
talking with Denethor when you got to Minas Tirith to being beautifully
clean the next time we saw you?
Gandalf: Elf magic. Did you notice it also shrank and then grew again. So clever those Elves!
Q: Legolas: Can I play with your bow?
Legolas: Can I play with your bow?
Gandalf: No, you cannot! Dratted elves and their double entendres!
Q: Ahem, well then...Denethor, what made you think that looking into the Palantir was a good idea?
Denethor: Well, somebody told me it was a Magic 8 ball. The
first time I asked if the king would ever return, it said, SORRY, TRY
AGAIN. So I kept shaking it for an answer and well, you know the rest.
Q: Um... Gimli, just how does your beard-dresser charge for those fancy braids?
Gimli: (growls) Too much, that gold-thievin' money-grubbin'
drakhzabullkragtimmin......And he just sent out a notice that his
monthly rates are goin' to go up again!. I've been trying to teach
Legolas, but all he can do is those fancy-schmancy Elven braids, hmph.
*twiddles fingers in the air dismissively*
Q: Speaking of which, Legolas: Why did you start wearing your hair braided like that?
Legolas: Come now, you must know it keeps my hair from getting
tangled in the bowstring. And of course, it makes me look cuter than
cute (or is that cuter than Aragorn or Gimli or even Galadriel )
Q: My dear friend Tom Bombadil, tell me, does your singing and dancing
not get on Goldberrys nerves after all these years? Hey derry dol,
Tom: Hey! Come merry dol! Derry doll! My darling! *does a little tap dance* How can anyone get tired of my dancing?
*Goldbery rushes in and grabs the microphone from Tom*
Goldberry: Budge out the way Big Feet!
Well my dear, you see it all started at the 134th Annual Bree Line
Dancing & Cowboy Impersonation competition. My Tom here thinks of
himself as having a knack for it, Lord knows way. So every year he
drags me down there and he gets to make a great big Tom-fool of himself
to all the locals! I haven't lived down the year he started
break-dancing yet, I just wanted to cry with embarrasment! Now no-one
comes to my fabulous Twilight Suppers anymore incase dear old Tom here
starts breaking into song.
I think he likes the attention really, but hey, what's a girl to do. In
the end I told him if he wanted to practice those ridiculous songs he
should go and annoy the trees! At least they can't argue back Laughing
But it's like any marriage really, after a while you just go deaf! I'm still working on the blind bit.
Anything you'd like to add Oh Fabulous Hubby of mine?
Tom: No one has ever caught him yet, for Tom, he is the master: His songs are stronger songs, and his feet are faster!
Goldberry: Yes, well, you see what I mean?
Q: And so on to the next question: You there, the fierce girl with the
sword, Éowyn, is it? Where exactly did you learn to cook??
Eowyn: Cook? Me, cook? Well, I just spear the food, pin it with my lance and slit its throat, like this...
(runs off chasing a pig that had wandered by at the wrong moment)
(returns shortly, dragging carcass behind her)
Then I rip it open with my sword, and dig out all the gooshy insides...and boil a cauldron to singe off the hairs... Wait - where are you going? Don't you want to know the rest?
Q: Since we're on the subject of cooking, Samwise, what did you think
of getting saddled with the chore of camp cook when (if we understand
right) all hobbits could cook even before they knew their letters?
There were four of you there, right?
Samwise: What? Are you kidding? Mr. Frodo, bless him, was so
distracted everything would have ended up burnt to a crisp. And Merry
and Pippin? Surely you didn't expect me to leave the cooking to them?!
Who knows what we would have ended up eating, probably something they'd
delightedly name 'meat surprise.' Then, sure and certain, they'd watch
everyone else eat, then pull out their bottles of Ensure and wait to
see if any of us turned up sick. Thanks, but no thanks, beggin' your
Q: So, Asfaloth, what were you thinkin' when you crossed the Ford and then stopped and turned to face the Black Riders?
Asfaloth: “Naa na na naa na na …… … I’m prettier (and faster) than you are!”