Ask the Characters....2

Gathered from the ongoing game at the Middle-earth board
Page 2 participants:  Daughter of Kings, Dinledhwen, Doctor Gamgee, Fellowshipfan, Firiel, Goldberry, Ladyhawk, Laiquendi, Strange Elf

Q: This question is for Celeborn. Why is it that you speak so slow? We almost fall asleep during your brief (but wonderful ) part in the film.

Celeborn:   Well first of all, I'm thousands of years old, and you shouldn't speak your elders that way, and uh.....oh, what was I going to say?..... oh yes, my part was so short, that I wanted to make it last as long as I could.   I think Galadriel mentioned the power outlet at the bottom of the Mallorn Grove....suffice it to say that while it effected her hair, I managed to get tangled up in it so as it took me a few minutes to extricate which time I was doing good to speak at all. That electricity makes it hard to think....

Q: So, Pippin, just how many mushrooms did you manage to get before Frodo told you to "get off the road"?

Pippin: You know, that's a sore spot with me - I had enough for a good big dinner, but as you know, we had to drop them. I wonder if they're still there? I have a great recipe for mushroom stew, and mushroom chowder. Have you ever had chocolate covered mushrooms? Frodo owes me big time for that......

Q; Eomer: What do you have against women in battles, anyway? You seem to be a male chauvinist.

Eomer: Now wait a minute! I'm nothing of the sort. I just think men should stick with what they're good at, and women should likewise. Can you imagine what Helm's Deep would have been like if all the men were sitting there looking all big-eyed and hugging the tots instead of fighting, eh? What would the women have done, killed the enemy by serving them bad food, or leaving holes in their socks so they catch a cold? I mean! *rolls eyes* Of course Eowyn, she can fight but still, what's she going to do - say "You can't hit me, I'm a lady?" Like that Witch-King guy would be put off by that...
Hey - Eowyn! Stop it! Stop it! No tickle-torture allowed, I'm being manly for an interview...!

Q: The next question is for you, Elrond. How did you cover all those miles from Rivendell to Dunharrow in such a blink?

Elrond: Perhaps you failed to notice my faithful steed. Everyone knows the horse does all the work. It was a bit trying having to let him rest, as I needed no sleep of course.

Q: So Gimli, who likes red meat off the bone, why were you so squeamish about stepping on those skulls on the Paths of the Dead?

Who me? Squeamish? *looks around with a worried look* Shhh...don't let the Elf know that!!! I just found it quite awful to step on the skulls of dead people...who weren't quite dead yet. And didn't you see the one skull? It bit me!

Q: So Treebread, what's the big deal about being 'hasty'?

Treebeard: Well it all stems from my young Enting days, the Bi-Centennial Methedras Sports Day (comes only twice a term you know, highlight of the school calender!). The previous few seasons had been very wet and rain-soaked, a fine, sweet rain that doesn't come very often these days. I believe it last happened about 389 years ago, very sweet, yes, but very wet too mind you, played havoc with that Willow from over the Wold, a very peculiar tree that, very peculiar. hroooom-hrooooomm.

It reminds me of that year we had those nasty Warg problem, disgusting creatures, terrible smell i tell you! The whole of the Derndingle stank for over 4 years, it was all we could do to get old Fladrif to sit still for a day at a time (terrible problem with his roots). The Sports Day, ah!

Well, this particular rain season had caused many of the usual slopes and paths and tracks and such to become slippery than was usual, which somehow had been overlooked. Now i may not be proud of it, but some other Ents say i'm very competitive. A sore loser, they say. Balderdash!

It so happened that during the 400 mile Jog, one of my fellow competitors "accidentally" (or so he still maintains, hrooom) slipped on one of these wet patches and flew into first place! He went so fast he actually made the leaves move... terrible really, i recall another such Enting who got a severe warning the last time that happened. These young ones, when will they learn?

Seeing my hopes and dreams of winning blow idly away amid the leaves made me vow there and then that no-one will ever go faster than me! Hrooo-a-boooom. That'll teach those cheating upstarts!  Hasty indeed! Treebeard always wins the race!

Q: A decidedly un-hasty question now for that young fellow, Gerontius Took: What is your secret to a long life?

Gerontius Took: Well it wasn't pipe weed. Nasty stuff! I would tell the young 'uns not to even start on it. No, my long life came becasue of water. Yes, I see your face, you don't believe me, but it was water. Lot's of it. Bath water, drinking water, fresh lake water. Swim, bathe, drink and live a good long life.

Q: This one is for the Witch King. Tell me, just what went through your mind when Eowyn (that's the pretty blond girl who skewered you) tore off her helm?

(Grinning) The sound of a trombone solo and a snare drum.

Q: Now what I want to know is this, Lotho. What is this I hear about you opening up the Shire for expansion? Five Farthings indeed!

*snorts while rolling eyes* You people are so behind the times! There's money to be made in the housing sub divisions! Lots of it! *mumbles* This will show that upstart Frodo Baggins! I'll soon be richer then him and living in a smial built for a king!!! *gives an evil laugh*

Q: Now what I want to know Sam is why you were really eavesdropping on Frodo and Gandalf?

Sam: I keep tellin' anyone who's willin' to listen I WEREN'T DROPPIN' NO EAVES!!! I tell ya!! Sheesh... Just doin' my job trimmin' the hedge, I was, and this is the thanks I get! Maybe I should just let them grow willie nillie, THEN I'll be accused of loafing... mmmmm loafing... wonder if there's a fresh one coming out o' the oven... I can smell it...

Well, you see, it's like this. Rumor's been goin' around the Shire for years now that Mr. Bilbo brought back dragon treasure when he went off East, see. But he doesn't seem the sort, if you take my meaning, to be killing dragons and the like. So I always figured he made his money in the stock market. And since Gandalf always seems to know everthing before it happens, I figured he was maybe giving Mr. Bilbo stock tips, and that maybe he was giving Mr. Frodo tips, too, after Mr. Bilbo went away. I thought maybe I could make a buck or two myself.

Q: So, Lobelia, what did you do with that spoon collection of yours?

: I was quite the musician in my youth, don't you know. I was Shire-renowned for my recital of "Round the Party Tree" with the spoons.  Wonderful instruments that Bilbo had! It was a tragedy to never be able to play them properly! And quite good for sneaking a bit of trifle when no-one's watching too

Q: Mr. Haradrim Warrior from the South, how did you get those great big honking Oliphaunt-thingies across the Anduin then??

Q: What I don't understand, Mr. Baldor, is why you gave up being heir to the Rohan's throne and ran off to the Paths of the Dead. What did you think you would find in a nasty place like that?

The Haradrim Warrior and the ghost of Baldor elbow each other for space at the microphone, the Warrior winning with his clear advantage in being corporeal.

Haradrim Warrior:
Yaaa-HAAA! The microphone is mine!...*gloats* As is the might of my mount, Gbhot, the Great Big Honking Oliphaunt Thingy! Heee-RAAAargh! We are not stopped by mere bodies of water! We simply wade through them! And hope they aren't too deep or muddy! Gbhot, he does not stop if he gets things between his toes like some mumaks do. Mud does not stop him, nor does horse-jelly! He was very surprised at that arrow, though - it had never crossed his mind before - poor Gbhot!

*rematerializes between the distraught Haradrim and the microphone* My lucky secret decoder ring. I mean, I'd already looked everywhere else...

Q: Question for Fredegar Bolger: Did you ever regret not going along for the adventure? Just think, you could have come back a knight too, instead of spending all that time going on a diet in a cellar.

What? You think I came out thin because they were starving us in there? No way! The was a regular party down there-it seems that is where Bilbo hide the left-overs from his birthday party. No, I was just so tired of being called Fatty I decided to go on that diet. Believe me, it is hard to cut out second breakfast!

Q: So Shagrat, how did you survive the fight in the Tower when what started was you being in the pickle of "The rat tried to knife me, kill him!"

It was simple! I just used this 'ere magic cloak! It turns you invisible, it does. Stole it, ehhh, i mean 'procured it' off the last annoying kid that walked through 'ere.

Q: Now Saruman, how do you grow Uruk-hai then?

Saruman: Well I'm not usually one to brag, but I must admit they did turn out better than expected, don't you think? It was just lucky genetic tinkering really. First I tried one part goblin with three parts Orc, but the result turned out looking like a cross between a pig and a Balrog on a moped. Minus the wings. So I nixed that recipe. Next I tried two parts goblin with one part Orc, but whatever it was that was produced was only two and a half feet tall and ran so fast downstairs I didn't even get a chance to get a good look at it. I think it's still running around Isengard somewhere. At last I did a 50/50 mix of goblin and Orc, and, well, you have seen the result! Magnificent, if I must say so myself.

Q: BTW, a question I have been wanting to ask Grima: Where oh where did you get the nickname 'Wormtongue' anyway? It's a good one. It really fits you too.

Grima Wormtongue: I'm so glad you asked that. Most folks believe it is something stupid like

"One day, my Ronco Veg-o-matic went on the blink, and so Decided that if I took a small bite of an apple and slurped really hard, the juice would just come to me. It didn't work . . . until I started sticking my tongue up inside it. My kid brother saw it and said, "Your tonuge looks like a Worm going into that apple." and the name stuck!"

But in reality, it is because it is forked, like the great dragons (or worms) of old, and the intelligence behind it was just as deadly. But as you fear a dragon when it comes, none fear me, so I am better equipped to get the job done.

Q: My question is this: Radagast --why Brown? Why not Red, or some other festive color?

Radagast: Eh? Oh, well...they used to I don't really recall what color they used to be. But it doesn't matter, as I've found no matter what color something is, after enough time in the woods with the animals and birds and such it's all brown anyway. Anytime my robes wear out, I just kind of borrow whatever's handy and after a while, voila! it's brown. *wanders off to chase a moth*

Q: The next question is for Gandalf. Tell us, o wise Mithrandir, after being in Bag End any number of times - why did you hit your head on the rafters?

Gandalf: It was...mmmmm... deliberate.... mmmm... of course! Had to make sure...ehhh.. wood rot! Yes! Have to check these old hobbit holes for wood rot every now and again, being underground and all. Yes, mmmm... that was it! It just so happens that a good headbut is the best way of checking.

And remember, it's never a good idea to question a wizard, you may end up as a chicken, or a tree.. n

Q: Now, Balrog my good fellow, Just how did you get down those stairs in Moria, seeing as how they fell apart after the Fellowship went down them?

These wings aren't just for keeping the brood warm!

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