Ask the Characters....11Gathered from the ongoing game at the Middle-earth board
Page 11 participants:
Daughter of Kings, Dinledhwen, Entswife, Fimbrethil, Frodosmiss,
Hobbitgirly, Ladyhawk, Laiquendi, Lindorie, Primula, QueenNS, Wanderer,
Yaviel of Lorien
Q: So, palantir of Orthnac, how'd it feel being used like a soccor ball?
Palantir: Palantír: Oh the indignity! The pain of it all! I am one the palantíri! Don't they see that!
I come from the courts of Kings, Queens, Elves and Wizards! I am above
those common balls, with their barbaric "foot-ball" and the torturous
"golf". You can't do this to me, I'll sue!
Either way, I hope they stubbed their toes... painfully!
Q: Now tell me, Ithryn Luin, what were you doing while all this mess with Sauron was going on?
Ithryn Luin (together): We were playing a gig at a hot blues
club in Rhun. You'll never guess what we called our act....The Blues
Brothers....get it? Anyway, it was a heck of a lot more fun than
hanging out with Saruman or even Gandalf, though he can play a mean
clarinet if he has a mind to.
Q: Hey Halbarad! Why are you Dunedain so dour-handed?
Halbarad: Hey, you'd be dour-handed, too, if you spent your
life roaming the Wilds, keeping the Orcs and the wolves at bay so that
decent people could sleep at night, and then those same decent folk go
around talkin' about you behind your back like you're half Orc yourself
and callin' you "one o' them Rangers" like it's some kind of disease or
something. You can't live like that and be all "sunshine on the
daisies" happy about it.
Q: To the Mallorn Tree: Aren't you lonely, standing in the Shire all by yourself when all of your kin are in Lorien?
Mallorn: Lonely? Heavens,no! Trees communicate in secret
ways, through the earth. It's actually nice to be unique - to be seen
as a tree rather than a forest. And I have lots of time to meditate.
Q: To the Ring: Who was your favorite bearer? And who did you really want to wear you, out of those that never got the chance?
The Ring: Definitely Smeagol because he would pet me and caress
me with all those nice names, but then it got rather annoying. Then,
that Bilbo!!! I really wanted that Arwen elf to wwear me because
secretly I have a crush on her and she has such fine hands.
Q: A question to the orcs: Why is your blood black?
Orc #7,258: It's all this coffee I have to drink!!
Have to keep awake for the Master can't stop for the master must keep
on going on and on and on and on and on and on without stopping for the
master! Great Eye watches everything he does yes he does big eye large
eye wreathed in flame that keeps making jokes about your mother oh yes
bad eye big eye not nice.
Must keep going more coffee don't stop keep moving towards battle
squashing Elves the nasty folk with their singing and dancing and music
and singing all with their funny hair and strange ears!
Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee!
Help me! Ekkk!
Q: Mr. Barrow-wight, why are you so desperate to kill Hobbits then?
Barrow-wight: All I wanted was some company - you know how
dreadfully dreary and boring this place gets after a few hundred years?
I mean, look at it! Not even a bowling alley anywhere, not even a
fishing pond... I figured a few hobbit-ghosts running around the place
might liven things up a bit. But then he had to go and whack off my
hand - right bad manners, I call that, for all this blather about them
being so well-spoken and courteous. Then to top it off does he say
"Excuse me, Mr. Wight, but you must be lonely. Would you like a nice
game of chess?" - heck no, he calls up the Roto-rooter!
Q: Speaking of which, Tom, Tom Jolly Old Tom - If Gandalf is a rolling
stone and you are given to gathering moss, how much moss have you
gathered and why?
Tom: I don't ring a ding dillo rightly know how much,Tom doesn't
bother with measuring and counting. Tom gathers water-lilies for the
River-daughter, to flower by her pretty feet till the snows are melted,
but Tom prefers more earthy greens... the moss that grows on stone and
Q: Gandalf, how did you decide on "Underhill" as an undercover name for Frodo?
Gandalf: *raises bushy eyebrows in surprise while taking pipe
out of mouth* Come come now! I would have thought the all knowing Tom
could see that my choice of that name was brilliant since Frodo does
LIVE under a hill*
Now what thought was running through your mind Legolas when Aragorn wanted you to stop that mumakil?
Legolas: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!....um...okay...I'll...try... I'm so pretty.
Q: Aragorn, why'd you ask MEEE to take it down?
Aragorn: Well, I didn't actually expect it to work you know. Woops! Wasn't suppose to say that!
Q: Now Boromir, how did you like you job as a snow plough?
Boromir: I tried to tell Gandalf that going over the mountain was a
bad idea, but did he listen to me?? Nooooooo! Men are not made to plow
through waist deep snow...whilst carrying a couple of Hobbitsicles.
It's not like any of us were wearing proper snow gear...you know, parka
and matching snow pants, etc, and here we are, climbing a mountain
without a Sherpa in sight! While we were up there, I did think I saw a
big, round guy in a red and white suit and white beard, but I could
have been mistaken...
Q: Treebeard...what do you think happened to the Entwives?
Treebeard: *whispering in a slow voice* Don't tell anyone but I
think I chased them away, one day I was walking through the forest and
accidently walked in on the entwives as they were washing
themselves. They all screamed and started running away.
Slowly of course. And I never saw them again... Shhh don't tell
anyone because if the others knew they would make fire-wood out of me.
Q: Sam why didn't you just walk up to Rosie in the Green Dragon and tell her that you loved her?
Samwise: Cooties. Someone told me that girls had 'em. Now, I
didn't know what they were, but I knew that I didn't want them, so I
had to just admire Rosie from afar. However, after mucking my way
through marshes, mountains and web-laden caves...being covered in
various forms of goo...and constantly having to wrestle around with
Gollum (who definitely HAD to have cooties!!), I figured that girls'
cooties wouldn't be so bad. Once I got close up to her, I could see
that she didn't have cooties...and she smelled a whole lot better than
any of those 8 companions of mine!!
Q: Speaking of Rosie...did you ever wonder where I was while I was gone and *gulp* did you date anyone else during that time?
Rosie: *quickly rips down Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise posters from
the walls before slipping framed autographed photos of the two men into
a drawer* Of course I wondered where you were! And no my dear Sam I
only have eyes for you! *flashes a warm smile while making a mental
note to cancel her dates with the actors*
Q: Now Gimli you have said that you like to go swimming with little
hairy woman. Is there a particular place in Middle-earth that you like
to do this in?
Gimli: Anywhere I can get away with it!
Back in my mispent youth I was quite the pool-jumper!
There was Kheled-zâram, nice if you can get a spot in the summer
(although i'd make sure you get there early and avoid those
Lake Evendim is quite pleasant too, although with the ruins it has become more "commerical" these days, if you know what I mean.
The Long Lake, up near Dale, has a thriving Dwarf swimming community!
Over half of the Synchronised Swimming Team come from up there!
Splendid for families, but beware of spiders.
Nen Hithoel, now that's an adventure. It's more for the "younger
generation". White water rafting, sailing, wind-surfing and the like.
Not really for the average Dwarf, although i did hear of one fine Dwarf
going para-sailing there. Never did find out if he survived...
I'm thinking about taking a dip in that "Forbidden Pool", the name
is just asking for something to happen. Now where did I leave my
Q: Hey Argonath kings, what is it like to stand there all day, doesn't it get boring??
Image of Isildur: Blast it, woman! Can't you see we're standing
guard here? I can't watch for the approach of enemies with you shoving
that microphone in my face! Go away!
Image of Anárion: Gently, brother.
It's really not so bad. It's rather relaxing out here, with the sound
of the Anduin flowing, and the birds singing... and if you know where
to look, you can just see Lóthlorien from here. Of course, there
is the ever-present stench of Mordor wafting in from the East... but
that's what keeps us from being bored.
Q: Quickbeam, are there any new rowan-trees in your life?
Quickbeam: No, but I have been admiring the bark on that redwood across the way over there...hubba hubba! She can rake my leaves anytime!
Q: Bilbo- since you snuck out of your birthday party, who did you think
was going to blow out the 111 candles on your birthday cake? (which by
the way, must have burned for hours!)
Bilbo: Why, I timed it that way on purpose - to stun them with
the smoke, you know. Seeing as Peter's version of Gandalf didn't give
me a nice flash and a bang, I had to come up with something! Besides, it's amusing to watch hobbits trying to dig the melted wax out of 111 holes in the cake after they're gone.
Q: Speaking of cakes, Galadriel, were you really the one who baked all
that lembas yourself? Didn't you have any kitchen staff in all those
Galadriel: There's me, slaving away over a hot oven and what thanks do I get? None. None I tell you!
Honestly. Some poeple are really quite annoying. I put a great deal of
blood and sweat into those lembas cakes. You're privileged, privileged
I say to get one! And you had better not turn your nose up at
them either, cause see here mister, this rolling pin isn't just for
decoration! No one gets out of my kitchen alive!
Celebornnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!! Move your backside over here and lug
that big bag of Valinorean flour out of the ladder! Post haste!
Q: So Farmer Maggot--why didn't you get any screen time?
Farmer Maggot: Actually it was my choice! When I read the script
I was mad!!! I couldn't believe that they actually expected to be mean
to those sweet little Hobbits! I said "absolutely not!"
Well, yatta, yatta,yatta....Long story short.... Peter Jackson just up and hired the 1st person he could find to impersonate me.
When FotR came out and I noticed my "good name" being muddied, that's
when I hired a lawyer....You know how those HOLLYWOOD types
are... Hopefully this matter will be resolved before next
years crop is ready. I have already spent far too much time with this
Q: Oh, Eowyn, where did your take you singing lessons?
Eowyn: It started when I was little, discovered my talent by
accident. I was just singing along and this bird flew by and just fell
to the ground, I thought he was just moved by my singing talent.
No one knows talent when they hear it. So I just sang in bars
etc, and people start to throw things at me, that's how much they liked
me. But it all got to be too much, the fame, so I stopped doing
it in public and just kept to smaller events, like funerals.
Q: Faramir why did you look up to your brother so much?
Faramir: Is that some kind of reference to my height?? I was
hoping that no one would notice, what with all of those halflings and
dwarves milling about...You know, I'm quite tired of the jokes. That's
right, I've about had it...it's time to fight back. Hey! Beregond, get
me the number for that lawyer who represented Eowyn in that sexual
harrassment case against Wormtongue, will ya? I smell big bucks for
defamation of character!
Q: Speaking of our old buddy Grima, what was it that Saruman promised
you that caused you to turn from being a man of Gondor to being his
flunky? He didn't treat you very well and by the looks of your
wardrobe, you weren't doing it for the money!
Grima: Chicks, man! Chicks! Isn't that what its all about?
Saruman promised me that after all this was over and he was head
cheese, that I could take Eowyn and go to the Bahamas ( a little island
off Tol Eressa) where it would be nothing but sand, sun and cold
drinks. The Pale Worm and the White Lady could finally get a tan!
*grumbles "Stupid Wizards"**
Q: Now Dwarves, why didn't you send more people to help in the War ehh?
Dwarves (in unison, as none of them would stand down to the others given a chance at being spokesdwarf)
It cost too much! Do you realize how much money it takes to outfit and
move a large number of dwarves over that many miles? No one would
contribute from their own money, seeing as it was really someone else's
problem, so we had to spend the time going door to door down in
Esgaroth and Mirkwood selling candy and wrapping paper. We finally
raised enough money to send one dwarf, but then he got lost because we
forgot to chip in enough to buy him a map.
Q: Elves, what's your excuse? You didn't send anyone really, PJ had to invent some charitable notions for you in the movie. What's with the lolling around while others fight?