Ask the Characters....11

Gathered from the ongoing game at the Middle-earth board
Page 11 participants:   Daughter of Kings, Dinledhwen, Entswife, Fimbrethil, Frodosmiss, Hobbitgirly, Ladyhawk, Laiquendi, Lindorie, Primula, QueenNS, Wanderer, Yaviel of Lorien

Q: So, palantir of Orthnac, how'd it feel being used like a soccor ball?

Palantir: Palantír: Oh the indignity! The pain of it all! I am one the palantíri! Don't they see that!

I come from the courts of Kings, Queens, Elves and Wizards! I am above those common balls, with their barbaric "foot-ball" and the torturous "golf". You can't do this to me, I'll sue!
Either way, I hope they stubbed their toes... painfully!

Q: Now tell me, Ithryn Luin, what were you doing while all this mess with Sauron was going on?

Ithryn Luin (together): We were playing a gig at a hot blues club in Rhun. You'll never guess what we called our act....The Blues Brothers....get it? Anyway, it was a heck of a lot more fun than hanging out with Saruman or even Gandalf, though he can play a mean clarinet if he has a mind to.

Q: Hey Halbarad! Why are you Dunedain so dour-handed?

Halbarad: Hey, you'd be dour-handed, too, if you spent your life roaming the Wilds, keeping the Orcs and the wolves at bay so that decent people could sleep at night, and then those same decent folk go around talkin' about you behind your back like you're half Orc yourself and callin' you "one o' them Rangers" like it's some kind of disease or something. You can't live like that and be all "sunshine on the daisies" happy about it.

Q: To the Mallorn Tree: Aren't you lonely, standing in the Shire all by yourself when all of your kin are in Lorien?

Mallorn: Lonely? Heavens,no! Trees communicate in secret ways, through the earth. It's actually nice to be unique - to be seen as a tree rather than a forest. And I have lots of time to meditate.

Q: To the Ring: Who was your favorite bearer? And who did you really want to wear you, out of those that never got the chance?

The Ring: Definitely Smeagol because he would pet me and caress me with all those nice names, but then it got rather annoying. Then, that Bilbo!!! I really wanted that Arwen elf to wwear me because secretly I have a crush on her and she has such fine hands.

Q: A question to the orcs: Why is your blood black?

Orc #7,258: It's all this coffee I have to drink!!

Have to keep awake for the Master can't stop for the master must keep on going on and on and on and on and on and on without stopping for the master! Great Eye watches everything he does yes he does big eye large eye wreathed in flame that keeps making jokes about your mother oh yes bad eye big eye not nice.
Must keep going more coffee don't stop keep moving towards battle squashing Elves the nasty folk with their singing and dancing and music and singing all with their funny hair and strange ears!
Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee!

Help me! Ekkk!

Q: Mr. Barrow-wight, why are you so desperate to kill Hobbits then?

Barrow-wight: All I wanted was some company - you know how dreadfully dreary and boring this place gets after a few hundred years? I mean, look at it! Not even a bowling alley anywhere, not even a fishing pond... I figured a few hobbit-ghosts running around the place might liven things up a bit. But then he had to go and whack off my hand - right bad manners, I call that, for all this blather about them being so well-spoken and courteous. Then to top it off does he say "Excuse me, Mr. Wight, but you must be lonely. Would you like a nice game of chess?" - heck no, he calls up the Roto-rooter!

Q: Speaking of which, Tom, Tom Jolly Old Tom - If Gandalf is a rolling stone and you are given to gathering moss, how much moss have you gathered and why?

Tom: I don't ring a ding dillo rightly know how much,Tom doesn't bother with measuring and counting. Tom gathers water-lilies for the River-daughter, to flower by her pretty feet till the snows are melted, but Tom prefers more earthy greens... the moss that grows on stone and tree.

Q: Gandalf, how did you decide on "Underhill" as an undercover name for Frodo?

Gandalf: *raises bushy eyebrows in surprise while taking pipe out of mouth* Come come now! I would have thought the all knowing Tom could see that my choice of that name was brilliant since Frodo does LIVE under a hill*

Now what thought was running through your mind Legolas when Aragorn wanted you to stop that mumakil?

Legolas: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!'ll...try... I'm so pretty.

Q: Aragorn, why'd you ask MEEE to take it down?

Aragorn: Well, I didn't actually expect it to work you know. Woops! Wasn't suppose to say that!

Q: Now Boromir, how did you like you job as a snow plough?

I tried to tell Gandalf that going over the mountain was a bad idea, but did he listen to me?? Nooooooo! Men are not made to plow through waist deep snow...whilst carrying a couple of Hobbitsicles. It's not like any of us were wearing proper snow know, parka and matching snow pants, etc, and here we are, climbing a mountain without a Sherpa in sight! While we were up there, I did think I saw a big, round guy in a red and white suit and white beard, but I could have been mistaken...

Q: Treebeard...what do you think happened to the Entwives?

Treebeard: *whispering in a slow voice* Don't tell anyone but I think I chased them away, one day I was walking through the forest and accidently walked in on the entwives as they were washing themselves.  They all screamed and started running away.  Slowly of course.  And I never saw them again... Shhh don't tell anyone because if the others knew they would make fire-wood out of me.

Q: Sam why didn't you just walk up to Rosie in the Green Dragon and tell her that you loved her?

Samwise: Cooties. Someone told me that girls had 'em. Now, I didn't know what they were, but I knew that I didn't want them, so I had to just admire Rosie from afar. However, after mucking my way through marshes, mountains and web-laden caves...being covered in various forms of goo...and constantly having to wrestle around with Gollum (who definitely HAD to have cooties!!), I figured that girls' cooties wouldn't be so bad. Once I got close up to her, I could see that she didn't have cooties...and she smelled a whole lot better than any of those 8 companions of mine!!

Q: Speaking of Rosie...did you ever wonder where I was while I was gone and *gulp* did you date anyone else during that time?

Rosie: *quickly rips down Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise posters from the walls before slipping framed autographed photos of the two men into a drawer* Of course I wondered where you were! And no my dear Sam I only have eyes for you! *flashes a warm smile while making a mental note to cancel her dates with the actors*

Q: Now Gimli you have said that you like to go swimming with little hairy woman. Is there a particular place in Middle-earth that you like to do this in?

Gimli: Anywhere I can get away with it!

Back in my mispent youth I was quite the pool-jumper!  There was Kheled-zâram, nice if you can get a spot in the summer (although i'd make sure you get there early and avoid those towel-grabbing Elves).

Lake Evendim is quite pleasant too, although with the ruins it has become more "commerical" these days, if you know what I mean.
The Long Lake, up near Dale, has a thriving Dwarf swimming community! Over half of the Synchronised Swimming Team come from up there! Splendid for families, but beware of spiders.  Nen Hithoel, now that's an adventure. It's more for the "younger generation". White water rafting, sailing, wind-surfing and the like. Not really for the average Dwarf, although i did hear of one fine Dwarf going para-sailing there. Never did find out if he survived...

I'm thinking about taking a dip in that "Forbidden Pool", the name is just asking for something to happen.  Now where did I leave my speedos...

Q: Hey Argonath kings, what is it like to stand there all day, doesn't it get boring??

Image of Isildur: Blast it, woman! Can't you see we're standing guard here? I can't watch for the approach of enemies with you shoving that microphone in my face! Go away!

Image of Anárion: Gently, brother.
*takes microphone*
It's really not so bad. It's rather relaxing out here, with the sound of the Anduin flowing, and the birds singing... and if you know where to look, you can just see Lóthlorien from here. Of course, there is the ever-present stench of Mordor wafting in from the East... but that's what keeps us from being bored.

Q: Quickbeam, are there any new rowan-trees in your life?

Quickbeam: No, but I have been admiring the bark on that redwood across the way over there...hubba hubba! She can rake my leaves anytime!

Q: Bilbo- since you snuck out of your birthday party, who did you think was going to blow out the 111 candles on your birthday cake? (which by the way, must have burned for hours!)

Bilbo: Why, I timed it that way on purpose - to stun them with the smoke, you know. Seeing as Peter's version of Gandalf didn't give me a nice flash and a bang, I had to come up with something! Besides, it's amusing to watch hobbits trying to dig the melted wax out of 111 holes in the cake after they're gone.

Q: Speaking of cakes, Galadriel, were you really the one who baked all that lembas yourself? Didn't you have any kitchen staff in all those Elves?

Galadriel: There's me, slaving away over a hot oven and what thanks do I get? None. None I tell you!

Honestly. Some poeple are really quite annoying. I put a great deal of blood and sweat into those lembas cakes. You're privileged, privileged I say to get one!  And you had better not turn your nose up at them either, cause see here mister, this rolling pin isn't just for decoration! No one gets out of my kitchen alive!

Celebornnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!! Move your backside over here and lug that big bag of Valinorean flour out of the ladder! Post haste!

Q: So Farmer Maggot--why didn't you get any screen time?

Farmer Maggot: Actually it was my choice! When I read the script I was mad!!! I couldn't believe that they actually expected to be mean to those sweet little Hobbits! I said "absolutely not!"

Well, yatta, yatta,yatta....Long story short.... Peter Jackson just up and hired the 1st person he could find to impersonate me.

When FotR came out and I noticed my "good name" being muddied, that's when I hired a lawyer....You know how those HOLLYWOOD types are...   Hopefully this matter will be resolved before next years crop is ready. I have already spent far too much time with this matter anyway....

Q:  Oh, Eowyn, where did your take you singing lessons?

Eowyn: It started when I was little, discovered my talent by accident. I was just singing along and this bird flew by and just fell to the ground, I thought he was just moved by my singing talent.
No one knows talent when they hear it.  So I just sang in bars etc, and people start to throw things at me, that's how much they liked me.  But it all got to be too much, the fame, so I stopped doing it in public and just kept to smaller events, like funerals.

Q: Faramir why did you look up to your brother so much?

Faramir: Is that some kind of reference to my height?? I was hoping that no one would notice, what with all of those halflings and dwarves milling about...You know, I'm quite tired of the jokes. That's right, I've about had's time to fight back. Hey! Beregond, get me the number for that lawyer who represented Eowyn in that sexual harrassment case against Wormtongue, will ya? I smell big bucks for defamation of character!

Q: Speaking of our old buddy Grima, what was it that Saruman promised you that caused you to turn from being a man of Gondor to being his flunky? He didn't treat you very well and by the looks of your wardrobe, you weren't doing it for the money!

Grima: Chicks, man! Chicks! Isn't that what its all about? Saruman promised me that after all this was over and he was head cheese, that I could take Eowyn and go to the Bahamas ( a little island off Tol Eressa) where it would be nothing but sand, sun and cold drinks. The Pale Worm and the White Lady could finally get a tan! *grumbles "Stupid Wizards"**

Q: Now Dwarves, why didn't you send more people to help in the War ehh?

Dwarves (in unison, as none of them would stand down to the others given a chance at being spokesdwarf) It cost too much! Do you realize how much money it takes to outfit and move a large number of dwarves over that many miles? No one would contribute from their own money, seeing as it was really someone else's problem, so we had to spend the time going door to door down in Esgaroth and Mirkwood selling candy and wrapping paper. We finally raised enough money to send one dwarf, but then he got lost because we forgot to chip in enough to buy him a map.

Q: Elves, what's your excuse? You didn't send anyone really, PJ had to invent some charitable notions for you in the movie. What's with the lolling around while others fight?

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