Middle Earth Wrestling: Battle Royale
SWG: “Greetings folks! This is our final round of middle earth wrestling!”
Sauruman: “Thank the heavens above!”
Gandalf: “I second that!”
SWG: “Today’s match is a battle royale, a free for all between the following contestants:
Faramir, Gimli, Bilbo, Sam and Pippin, Isildur, Aragorn,
Eowyn, Eomer, Theoden, Ugluk, Bob the
Balrog, and Shelob.”
The contestants all make their way to the wrestling ring hesitantly, all eyeing each other up
Gandalf: “Wow! Look at all the talent here tonight! Care to make a friendly wager, Sauruman old pal?”
Saruman: Impatiently waves his hand at Gandalf “P-leeze! It’s so easy! Not even worth betting over!
The winner will obviously be Ugluk!”
Gandalf: jaw dropping “Are you kidding? I think Shelob will win this!” Winks at the lady spider.
SWG: “Both of you are dead wrong! Gimli will definitely win, if I have anything to say about it!” Waves
and blows kisses to the dwarf.
Sam tiptoes up to the judges table and says softly:
“Beggin’ your pardon, do you think we could start the match Gandalf, sir?
Some of us are rather nervous and would like to get this over with!” Pippin
nods emphatically in agreement.
Gandalf: “Oh, allright. When the bell rings, the match will start!”
Saruman throws his palantir at the bell. DING! The match begins.
Aragorn immediately spirits Eowyn out of the wrestling
ring, and Faramir follows close behind, shaking his fist and yelling at Aragorn.
SWG: “Hmmm….three gone. That was quick. C’mon Gimli!” *holds up a NOBODY TOSSES A DWARF sign*
Shelob goes after the Balrog, and poisons him,
but at the same time, he sets her on fire. Both go down for the count. Sam
and Pippin huddle in the corner, staying out of the way.
Isildur and Theoden stand in the other corner, discussing politics. Eomer comes over and joins them.
Gandalf: “No, no! This is all wrong! Nobody is
fighting!!!” *points at Isildur, Theoden, and Eomer* “You three, get out
of there! You’re disqualified!”
The guys just shrug, and continue their discussion as the leave the wrestling ring.
Trying to impress SWG, Gimli lets out a roar and
launches himself at Faramir. Bilbo, Sam and Pippin join in by kicking Faramir
in the shins.
Faramir: whining “Owwww! Stop that, you stupid
hobbits! And Gimli, stop trying to give me an atomic wedgie! That really
hurts!”
Gimli: growling “Don’t be insulting my friends now! They are not stupid! Although…………….”
He grabs the three hobbits and tosses them out
of the wrestling ring, and knocks Faramir out with a punch to the solar plexus*
“Ha! I win!” *SWG swoons and starts to faint. Gandalf catches her.=
Gandalf: “Wait a minute! We still have Ugluk left!”
Ugluk sneaks up behinf Gimli, grabs him by the beard, whirls him around, and tosses him out of the ring
Saruman: “Oh. My. God. He won.” stunned “ My boy won! Whoopie!” dances happy jig
Suddenly, a figure comes towards the wrestling ring, a figure in red, a figure with long flowing golden hair
SWG: “Goodness! It can’t be?” rubs her eyes “It’s Haldir! On today of all days! This is incredible!”
Gandalf: “And highly irregular! Eh, what the heck, I’ll allow it, seeing as it IS Haldir day and all!”
Saruman: “Hmmmph.”
Haldir strides into the wrestling ring, and takes
Ugluk out with one punch. Haldir then spots Peter Jackson in the audience,
strides over to him, picks him up, and throws him into the pile of Oliphaunt
–doo left over from a previous match “THAT’S for killing me off in the two
towers!” Haldir then bats his eyelashes at the ladies in the audience, tosses
his hair over his shoulder, and strides off
SWG: stunned “Wow! What a guy, erm, I mean elf!” Gimli gives her an evil look
Gandalf: “Yes! Haldir is the undisputed champion of Middle Earth Wrestling! Yippee!”
Saruman: shakes head “Unbelieveable. Ah, well at least we can go home now! Goodbye folks!”
