Legolas vs Gimli in Middle Earth Wrestling
Gandalf: "Well, that was certainly an interesting match--brother against brother and all."
Saruman: snorts "Men are so boring! Though the cross-bow was a nice touch . . ."
Gandalf: "Yes, well, let us try a . . . er . . . less boring team, eh? You wanted to see some Dwarf-tossing, what?"
Saruman sits up straighter in his chair and grins
Gandalf: "Well then, let's have Peregrine introduce the next set of contestents."
Saruman: "The Hobbit?"
Gandalf: "No, the . . . er . . . um--her."
Peregrine leaps up onto the platform and snatches the microphone from Gandalf
Gandalf: "Hey!"
P: "Shh! My turn." *clears throat* "Now, ladies
and gentlemen . . . and whatever else is here tonight--the match you have
all dreamed of. Introducing our first contestent--Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood!"
Legolas, blond hair tied back in a flowing braid
down his back, saunters towards the ring, smiling and blowing kisses to the
eager fans. Strapped to his back he carries his long bow. Cheers and screams
greet his pointed ears
Saruman: "Now THAT is a wrestling suit!"
Gandalf: "Oh, shut up."
Legolas--dressed in a skin-tight pair of biking
shorts--only--leaps lightly into the ring. He walks up to Peregrine and kisses
her hand. Giggling, Peregrine attempts to anounce the next contestent, though
she can't take her eyes from the Elf
Peregrine: "Hehe . . . clears throat "Er . . . and the next . . . person is . . . Gimli son of Gloin."
Gimli trots up to the ring, broad arms swinging
and bare shoulders gleaming in the lighting. He gets a few scattered applauses.
The Dwarf turns to the crowd and--
Gandalf: "Oh, my! Now THAT was uncalled for!"
Saruman cannot answer as he rolls on the floor laughing
Peregrine: "Now try to give us a fair--never mind." *clears throat* "Let's get ready to rumble!"
Peregrine leaps out of the ring as Gimli and Legolas begin to circle each other
Gandalf: "Now, Gimli certainly seems to be the stronger of the two, but Legolas has a great reach advantage."
Legolas leaps at the stocky Dwarf, but Gimli rolls
out of the way. The Dwarf turns and charges like an angry bull for the Elf
and is seemingly intent on bowling him over, but before he has a chance,
Legolas leaps behind him and kicks him in the rear, Gimli falling flat on
his face.
Saruman: "It seems the Elf also has an agility advantage. C'mon, boy--let's see some Dwarf-tossin'!"
Peregrine: "Shut up, you're only judging!"
Gimli charges agian, but Legolas grabs him by the beard and lifts him clear off the ground
Gimli: "Not the beard!"
Legolas proceeds to swing the Dwarf around and
around and around . . . and then he lets go. Gimli sails through the air
and Peregrine ducks just in time. She winces as the Dwarf smashes into four
little Hobbits
Legolas: "That the best you got, Dwarf? Come on--if you can take the heat. Sss..."
Gimli roars back into the ring and--
Legolas: "Oomph!"
head-butts the Elf right in the stomach, sending
him flying backwards. He hits the ground and skids backwards on his rear.
But the Elf isn't done. He leaps out and pulls out his longbow
Saruman: "He's pulling a Faramir!"
Gandalf: "Not quite . . ."
Legolas runs at Gimli and hits the Dwarf behind
the knees, sending him sprawling. The Dwarf, though, his back on his feet
in an instance and grabs the bow. There is a violent tug-o-war as they fight
over the bow but then Gimli rears up and pulls the bow up and over his head--with
Legolas still gripping the end tightly--but not tight enough. He releases
the bow and is sent head-long into the screaming crowd. He attempts to regain
the ring, but he is pulled back down by a screaming mob of women!
Peregrine: "One . . . two . . . Legolas get back in the ring . . . three . . . C'mon, Elf . . . four . . ."
Gimli: "Five! Ha, ha! Take that, Elf! Nobody tosses a Dwarf!"
Peregrine takes hold of Gimli's beefy arm and holds it high
Peregrine: "The winner!"
Gandalf: "Hmm. . . that was interesting . . .Gimli using Legolas's own strength against him . . ."
Saruman: "What strength? The Elf was a bloody bean poll!"
Gandalf: "Yes, well, anyway. There you have it
folks. Gimli is the winner--I know, surprised us all there--but. . . well
. . . there you have it!"
Legolas: "There is a fell voice on the air!"
Gandalf: "Oh, shut up! You lost and you know it!"
Legolas: "For me the grief is still too near!"
Gandalf: "Stop quoting yourself!"
Legolas: "You . . . look . . . terrible!" *the Elf stalks away while saruman roars with laughter*
Peregrine: "Well, we'll see you next time, folks, for the next round of Middle Earth wrestling!"
Gandalf and Saruman together: "That was my line!"
Peregrine grins and runs after Legolas to . . . comfort him
