Inkling Challenge: Middle Earth Wrestling

by Avondster

Bilbo vs Lobelia

Gandalf: "and now for... oh... wait..."

Gandalf has dropped his papers and stoops to pick them up. Saruman kicks his ankles, hits him with his broken staff and grabs the papers

Saruman: "Haha, take THAT, you white wimp! Now, for our next game, here's Lobelia Sackville Baggins versus... the Blob???"

Gandalf (moaning from the floor) "put up your glasses, you idiot..."

Saruman absent-mindedly kicks Gandalf back into unconciousness and puts on Harry-Potter glasses

"Oh... I meant Bilbo."

Bilbo enters the ring, leaning heavily on his walking stick but seeming determined to kick Lobelia's behind. Lobelia, on the other side of the ring, has some trouble climbling through the ropes and looking defiantly at Bilbo at the same time

Gandalf, in the meantime, has kicked a bruised Saruman in the corner with his broken glasses


Gandalf: "and here's your referee... Avondster!"

Avondster enters the ring and waves shyly at Frodo and his friends, who are sitting in the audience with a banner that says 'Go Bilbo, go away Lobelia'

Avondster gives the sign to begin the game. Lobelia does her special 'look as if she has just swallowed a lemon', on Bilbo, who seems little impressed. Then she grabs her umbrella and starts hitting Bilbo on the head. Bilbo grabs his walking stick and starts hitting Lobelia on the head. This goes on for quite a while. Then Bilbo suddenly stops, and Lobelia is so surprised that she stops, too. The music swells... and suddenly Bilbo makes a leap for Lobelia with a roar, his face transformed into a hideous creature with sharp fangs. He snatches the umbrella and pierces Lobelia, who probably did not even feel it because the shock was already too much for her. Frodo comes out of the audience and starts hitting Bilbo on the head with both the umbrella and the walking stick. Avondster pulls him off Bilbo and raises his arm

Avondster: "Ummm... the winner! I think..."

Gandalf: "Now it's time to tell you a secret, folks... Since this was the third match of today and three is the lucky number of Illuvatar..."

Saruman: "It's not."

Gandalf: "What do you know about it? Nothing!"

Saruman: "I thought the lucky number was nine."

Gandalf: "Whoooo has the microphone again? *pretends to be thinking real hard* ooh, right, it's me! Shut up!"

Saruman: "But..."

Gandalf picks up the umbrella and hits Saruman on the head

Gandalf: "AS I was saying... the winner of this match wins something special! And it is... turns on weird tell-sell sorta voice a beautiful luxury Hobbit hole, complete with furniture and lovely garden with personnel, located in a lovely quiet environment, only occassionally visited by Dark forces and girlscouts."

Frodo cheers loudly for himself and gets so carried away that he kisses Avondster, who doesn't seem to mind at all...