Inkling Challenge: Middle Earth Wrestling

by Elvenstar

Aragorn vs Lurtz

Gandalf: Well, we have certainly had some exciting matches, haven't we Saruman. Saruman? SARUMAN!

Saruman stops snoring

Saruman: What?

Gandalf: "I said, we've had some very exciting matches, HAVEN'T WE?

Saruman snorts

Saruman: Um . . . yeah. NOT!

Gandalf: "Well, maybe this one will make you feel better. Now where is our referee?"

Elvenstar comes running up into the ring

Elvenstar: Sorry, I was talking to my sister.

She points out into the audience where Peregrine is quite happily wedged between Legolas and Frodo

Saruman: You know what's a hard thing to do?

Gandalf: Um . . . this is NOT the time.

Saruman: Taking over Middle-Earth, that's what! You work your butt off for this ONE guy and what do you have to show for it--a judging post at WWF wresting!

Elvenstar: Shut up, wizard.

Gandalf: Yes, if you can call yourself a wizard.

Saruman: I am a good wizard, thank you!

Gandalf: In your dreams.

saruman: I'll have you know, that is NOT what my dreams are about you old . . . you old hag!

Gandalf: Hag!? I'll have you know, Saru--

Elvenstar: Are you going to announce them or what?

S+G: Announce who?

Elvenstar: the CONTESTENTS. That's what we're here for. And if you don't do it, I swear I will.

Gandalf: Fine, fine! Okay, presenting, out first con--

Saruman: Can't I do it? You ALWAYS get to do it!

Gandalf: You can do the next guy! He's on your side anyway.

Saruman: Fine. Finefinefinefine. blows a rasberry

Gandalf: Whatever. Anyway, in this corner we have the new and improved king of Gondor--Aragorn son of Arathorn!

Aragorn races out towards the ring. He is greeted by a roar of whistles and screams and there are a number of thumps as people faint to the floor. Aragorn leaps nimbly into the ring and pulls free his sword, Anduril, and turns to Elvenstar. He winks at her and grins. Elvenstar grins weakly as she fights to remain standing

Saruman: And in this corner--the guy I dug up from my backyard--Lurtz!

Lurtz is greeted by a mass of hissing and booing as he saunters out to the ring. he leaps into the ring and grins at Aragorn

Elvenstar: Now I want a fair fight from the both of you! Now--ah!

Elvenstar barely gets out of hte way as the two leap at each other. Aragorn swings his sword, but Lurtz ducks the blow and leaps at the Man. Aragorn is able to leap aside, but in doing so looses his grip on the sword. But he manages to kick Lurtz square in the--

Saruman: Ow! Jeeze, that was below the belt!

Gandalf: around a mouthful of popcorn You bet it was.

Lurtz turns on Aragorn and . . . gets slammed right in the face by his fist.

Aragorn: That's for killing the only guy who thought I was a king!

Elvenstar: I think you're a king! I do, I do!

Lurtz leaps at Aragorn and grabs him by the arm. Aragorn is pulled off his feet and thrown across the ring. Elvenstar shocks the judges with her language

Saruman: Wow. Did not know a girl could know that many words.

Lurtz, for no reason at all, turns to the crowd

Lurtz: Now find the halfling! Go! Find the halflings!

Elvenstar looks out into the audiance and sees Peregrine trying to stuff the Hobbits under her seat

Peregrine: Jeeze, Frodo, when did you get so fat! Legolas, why aren't you helping?

Legolas: You made me lose!

Peregrine: Oh, get over it!

Elvenstar: Um . . . can we get back to the present, here? Peregrine grins and nods, then kisses both Legolas and Frodo soundly, just for good measure Good grief.

Suddenly Aragorn is back in the ring and he does not look happy. but before anyone can do anything--

Gandalf: hey, isn't that Boromir?

Boromir--complete with trio of arrows in his chest--manages to leap into the ring

Boromir: I want 'em! Let me do it!

Aragorn: Aren't you . . . like . . . dead?

Boromir: God knows I should be. That's message boards for you.

Aragorn: Fine. But you can't do it! This is my match and I'm not having another Frodo/Bilbo thing!

Boromir: Fine. and then he cuts off Lurtz's head

Aragorn: Hey! he throws Boromir out of the ring Ha, ha! I win!

Elvenstar: yes, yes! You win!

Saruman: Hey, aren't we the jud--

Elvenstar: Not today, you ain't. Peregrine, who won?

Peregrine, giggling madly, looks up and shrugs

Peregrine: Whoever you want, sis! she giggles some more. Turns out she wasn't even watching . . .

Elvenstar: See? Aragorn won! Ha, ha! Good job, Aragorn!

Aragorn: You bet it was! kisses her hand and runs off into the crowd. Peregrine howls with laugther as Elvenstar faints