Inkling Challenge: Take the Fellowship to Work/School
by Arianid Elvenmaid
The Fellowship have a Typical School Day
* = names changed to protect privacy Note: Jessica is me
Typical School Day
(6:00 A.M. The alarm rings, Jessica opens her eyes. Groggily she changes into her clothes, & walks downstairs.)
Legolas: (stands waiting at the base of the stairs) Good morning, sleepy head!
(Jessica screams, Legolas screams, Jessica screams, Legolas screams, both stop)
Jessica: You're, you're, you're...
Legolas: (bows) Prince Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood, your friend for a day.
Legolas: (Pulls plate of lembas from behind his back) Lembas? You'll need it!
(Jessica & Legolas walk to the bus stop. After 15 minutes, a school bus pulls up to the stop. Jessica & Legolas get on.)
Jessica: You were supposed to be here five minutes ago.
Bus Driver: (Keeps head lowered) So?
Jessica: So, you're late! (the bus driver
raises his head to reveal his true identity, Gandalf. Jessica chokes
and falls back on Legolas)
Gandalf: A wizard, young girl, is never late! Nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to! Now sit down!
(30 minutes later, they arrive at school, after many repetitions of 'The Road Goes Ever On & On')
Gandalf: Have a good day. (Everyone exits the bus)
(Jessica & Legolas sit at two desks next to each other)
(The teacher enters to be... BILBO!)
Bilbo: Hello, my name is Mr. Baggins. I'm your English teacher.
(Jessica's friend *Ki looks at her, then at Bilbo, then at Legolas. She sighs & swoons)
Bilbo: Miss, stop making faces, so we can get into our first book of the year! (He holds up FOTR)
Legolas: (Raises his hand) Will we not start with 'The Hobbit' first?
Jessica: (Leans over to her boyfriend *Brian) Isn't he GREAT? (She swoons as Brian folds his arms)
Ki: (still mouthing at Legolas. Dreamily...) My prince has come... (faints)
Bilbo: Oh dear, oh dear oh dear! (Runs over to her.) Who wants to take her to the clinic?
Legolas & Jessica: We will!
Bilbo: Well, run along...
(In the clinic)
Sam: (the nurse) Oh dear, this requires some athelas.
Sam: Yes. (grabs it off the shelf)
Ki: (revives) Samwise Gamgee!? (faints again)
(Because Ki is so amazed, math is missed)
(Jessica is talking to her "twin" *Sarah)
Jessica: And THEN, Ki faints... *again*!
(Howard Shore walks up to the director's stand)
HS: Now, I want the cellos to play their
section of Concerning Hobbits, and make it sempre marcato. (Brian [who
plays cello] and the other cellists begin)
HS: No, no no! It's wrong!
Legolas: I think Mr. Shore wants you to do it like this... (Looks at Brian's cello) May I borrow your cello?
Brian: Sure, why not?
Legolas: (Sits down & begins to play. He does the most beautiful vibrato ever) There.
HS: Wonderful, Legolas! Now, the bass section.
(Two short students sit on stools beside their basses. One [Pippin] raises his hand)
Pippin: What key is this in?
Merry: (Backhands Pippin) Fool of a Took, it's in C major.
(Sarah & Jessica point, mouthing silently)
(All are warming up. A guy in armor jogs in & blows a whistle)
Aragorn: (the guy) Welcome to the Future King of Gondor's gym class! Today's lesson is on archery. Brian, will you demonstrate?
(Brian nods & shoots an arrow right into the bulls-eye)
Aragorn: Great job! You could slay many an
orc. Jessica, your turn. (Jessica tries & misses, hitting the
assistant gym teacher, Boromir)
Boromir: (gasp) I'm allright. Try again. (Jessica tries twice more, killing Boromir.)
Jessica: (leans on Brian's shoulder, crying) I... I killed part of the Fellowship! I'm lower than dirt!
Brian: It's okay. He was tempted by the Ring anyway.
Jessica: (gasps) You read it? (Searches Brian's eyes)
Brian: Cliffnotes come in handy. (Brian & Jessica hug)
*James: (an annoying kid with a camera jumps out & takes a picture just as B & J hug)
Legolas: (whose turn it is to shoot an arrow, turns to James) Back to the shadows from whence you came! (Lets loose an arrow)
James: AAH! (Ducks) (The arrow hits the bulls-eye & drops Brian's. Brian doesn't notice)
Galadriel: Now, we have a special movie
today! It's about the History of Middle-Earth! (She hits play on a
remote control & LOTR starts to play.) (Jessica, Ki, & Sarah
all begin to mouth silently)
Saruman: Now, take your cockroach, & drop
it into the mixture of mud, baking soda, and vinegar. (Most of the
class does. With a large fizzing, about 24 Uruk-Hai are created. The
class runs out among Saruman's screams, while Legolas is firing arrows
at random orcs.)
Saruman: You will not know fear, you will not know pain, you will taste... STUDENT-FLESH!!!
That would be my typical school day. Hope you enjoyed it!