Regional LOTR Translations

by StefBrandybuck

NOW AVAILABLE! New Translations of Tolkien's "Rings" Trilogy!

US Southerners Translation

PRICE: Just a dollar or two.
AVAILABLE: Down at the five and dime on the corner past the Baptist church.

EXCERPT: from "The Scouring Of The Shire" in Return Of The King

Merry was standin' a few steps away from that idiot Bill Ferny. He looked 'im right square in the eye and says "Hey, Bill Ferny ya big dope! Getonouttaheah!" That ole Ferny, seein' as how them hobbits had swords and all, up and took ta runnin' the utha 'rection. Ain't been seen since. Whilst that was a-goin' on, Frodo was a-thinkin' this place ain't what he 'membered atall. He gots ta thinkin' he'd been bettaoff back in Rivendell. When the boys got inta the house, they took up a smoke and had a sit down by the fire..

California Valley Translation

PRICE: Who cares, where's Daddy's credit card?
AVAILABLE: At the mall in that shop all ther nerds go where we go once a year for calendars.

EXCERPT: from "The Council Of Elrond" in Fellowship Of The Ring

Elrond was like finishing up telling that story about that war with all the men and elves and stuff, and he said "So I was all like totally, 'No way,' and Sauron was all like, 'Whatever.'"
Then Boromir, right? He stands up and like totally goes weird about some vision he had. I was thinking he was totally like tripping on something, you know? 'Cause I remember like when Pippin was like smoking that new pipeweed from the Marish and stuff he got all weird and his eyes were all funny and stuff? So like that's what Boromir was doing, and he starts talking about this sword, you know? Then Aragorn, 'cause he's like going to be an heir to Gondor and stuff, he like pulls out this sword thing that was just refurbished, and I was all like, 'Dude, he's a king! He should have to use that second hand stuff!" But like my friend Paul, he says its kinda like a symbol and stuff, so I said, 'Groovy,' and he was all, 'Yeah, totally."