Legolas’ Help – part II
Gimli came over and sat down by the dazed Elf, looking askance at his
unusually mussed hair, and the pink marks upon his countenance.
"How many were there?" he asked. "Were they armed?"
"Eight..." said his comrade, wiping with futility at his face. "They ambushed me, disguised as Elves, and were far too eager."
"Eight eager Elves
or no, they'll soon learn to respect you!" growled his friend. He
hefted his axe, which still had bits of Yule log and tinsel stuck to
"No...don't!" his friend cried as he stomped off. Too late! The Dwarf was done for!
Legolas’ Help – part III
"Alas!" cried Legolas, "What will become of him? He knows not what dire enemies he faces! Eight eager Elves! Where is my bow?"
"Here it is," said Merry, handing him a large fluffy red-and-gold one.
"Not that bow," he said
with frustration. "My weapon! Oh no, my Elf eyes perceive you too have
been attacked, Merry. I see lipstick upon thy face, and a dazed look in
"Heh," said Merry, burying himself in an oddly giggling mound of wrapping paper.
"Khazad! Kha...aiiiigh!" came Gimli's voice. "Nooo! Don't braid it, no
bows! No jingle bells! Arrrgh! Eee-hee-hee, that tickles!"
Legolas' Help - part IV
Aragorn, his arms filled with trays of danishes, stopped in the hall, astonished. Was this Gimli? Their stalwart warrior?
The stocky Dwarf staggered past, his helmet and armor askew. His beard
was braided with colored ribbon, each ending in a jingle bell and bow.
What Aragorn could see of his dazed face seemed unusually pink.
"What....?" he began.
"Eight...eager Elves...." gasped the Dwarf. "Kha..."
Aragorn never heard the rest - his danishes flew into the air, a rain
of pastry bouncing off Dwarven armor. There was the sound of giggling
and shrieks as the Ranger suddenly disappeared into the adjacent
Legolas' Help - part V
Boromir entered, shrugging his shoulders to shed the snow as he shut the cold out.
"There are tracks in the snow that I don't recognize..." he began, but
stopped when he saw Gimli and Legolas' dishevelled appearances. "What's
Aragorn crawled out of the side-hall, his hair appearing moussed and
his fingernails painted a bright fuschia. "Boromir! Beware!" he gasped
from his lip-stick patterned visage, "Eight eager Elves... they're on the loose!"
"What?" said Boromir. "Where? Glahh...mmph!" His armload of firewood
clattered to the floor and his swirling cloak followed him in a
surprisingly rapid departure behind the Christmas tree.
Legolas' Help - part VI
Frodo blinked as he entered to find Legolas and Gimli scrubbing each
other's faces while Aragorn flopped nearby. And Boromir! Strong
Boromir, reduced to a heap beside the tree, pink lip-marks upon him and
his hair all fluffy! A large bow dangled around his neck and he looked
"Oh no," he said. "I know this! Sam! Help! Hide me! There must be fangirls nearby!"
"Yessir!" called Sam, gasping. "They're dressed like eight eager Elves and they're right there! Run! This way!"
He grabbed his Master's hand and all but dragged him through the kitchen door, the hoard in hot pursuit.
Legolas' Help - part VII
Pippin and Merry protested from someplace under the Christmas tree as
two more fangirls shot out from the wrapping paper wads to join the eight eager Elves in their pursuit of Frodo, nearly trampling the yet-dazed Boromir.
"It just isn't fair!" said Pippin, who was if anything even more mussed and pink than his cousin.
"Heh, look at me! I'm Frodo!" said Merry, holding two blue glass ornaments to his eyes.
There was a tremendous amount of noise now coming from the kitchen, and
they all (for different reasons) wondered if they should go to their
companion's defense or not...
Legolas' Help - part VIII
Sam and Frodo were desperate - even the dutch oven wasn't big enough to hide them and the eight eager Elves behind them cooed and squealed with delight as they were cornered against the unyielding pot-rack.
"Sam!" Frodo was soon dragged, wide-eyed, into his doom but Sam grabbed at his hand as it vanished into the giggling mass.
"Hang on! Don't let go!"
"Eeeeee!" said one fangirl, "Look, what hazel eyes!" She adoringly ruffled Sam's hair.
The fangirls shrieked, but this time with a new note of fear.
"Hands off him! Back you devils!" cried Rosie, swinging her pan again
Legolas' Help - Part IX
If there was ever a scene of heroism and panic, this was it. Rosie
swung with all the strength she'd nurtured with her years of hefting
kegs, swung for her man.
The eight eager Elves
were soon in full-blown retreat, hastily scrambling over one another to
escape, though it was noted that while they abandoned Sam they did
carry Frodo along with them, bearing him away as in a tide of
Sam lay panting on the floor, his Rosie standing over him like Luke
in a Star Wars poster, except with her blouse laced and a pan over her
Legolas' Help - Part X
The screeching tangle of fangirls tumbled back into the main room.
Legolas, who had regained both his composure and his appearance in the
intervening moments, stood at ready with his bow in hand, indecisive.
Alas for the Elf! It took only a glance for the eight eager Elves
to recall their original passion, dropping the mildly mussed-up Frodo
into the wrapping-paper before pouncing towards Legolas again.
"Hey!" said Merry, nearly flattened by his cousin. "Come back!"
It was too late. Out into the swirling snow swept the lot of them, the frantic Elf leaping over the white crust to escape.