Middle Earth Personal Ads

by Primula

* Gardener's Delight

SFH (Single Female Hobbit), curly haired, rosy-cheeked and faithful,  looking for SMH with humble heart and green thumb to share love of gardening and hobbit children. Goal of permanent commitment and a warm, cozy home.  Storytelling and cooking abilities a real plus! Ask for "Rosie."

* He's Your Dream-O

Tall, strapping, bearded man, ageless and cheerful seeks ageless lady, graceful and of bubbly disposition for hey ho marriage-o. Likes walking in the forest, bright colors and singing in rhyme. 

Happy to share love of flowers, song-writing, dancing and water sports. Have a ding dong dilly-o of a date. Ask for Tom.

* A Walk in the Woods

Single Male Ent, tall, bearded, brown-barked and leafy seeks Entwife for long, long, long, long conversations and slow, slow, slow, slow walks in the woods, Hum Hoom.

Must enjoy outdoor living, dabbling feet in the mud, extensive dialogue and Entings. Light bark and fluffy leaves a real plus. Hoom Boom Hum. Orc-stomping experience also a plus. Hoom. Inquire at Treebeard@Fangorn.trees

* A Real Mood-Maker

Upwardly mobile SW  looking for SM. Must enjoy using the words "smite" and "dwimmerlake".  If you like the excitement of never knowing when that gloomy mood will strike, and are fascinated with the suicidal botany of a lily in the frost, I am the one for you.  Must enjoy fencing and horseback riding, and not mind over-protective relatives and cross-dressing. Would prefer an heir to the throne of Gondor and Arnor. Lesser heirs need not apply.  Write to Eowyn at Rohan Box #2.

And these were written by other people on a different board, but were too good to not share with you.
* Eight Arms to Hold You

SFA (Single Female Arachnid) w/ fabulous large eyes and slim, shiny exoskeleton ISO professional SMA (Single Male Arachnid) from the 2nd Age. Preferably of the spawn of Ungoliant. Must enjoy climbing, bungee jumping, and terrorizing trespassing Hobbits. If interested, drop me a line.  Shelob

* Dancing in the Dark

SMDL (single male Dark Lord), tall, roguishly handsome in a dark, bad boy sort of way. Looking for SFPS (single female personal slave). Must not mind the sound of tortured souls screaming, the stench of foul smoke, the feel of uncomfortable manly armour, complete obedience and large eye.

* A Real Treasure

SMerr...H (Single Male err...what once was a Hobbit) seeks shiny friend for nighttime cruises on log. Must enjoy being showered with affection and treated as a Precious friend. If you're a ring-size 10 and this sounds like you, email Gollum@darkwetcave.co.nz

* Stocky Dwarven Hunk

Veteran of the War of the Ring ISO fine Dwarven lady to join my fellowship of two. Facial hair unimportant, but skills in metal smithing and beard braiding a plus. I enjoy romantic strolls through the Mines of Moria, heavy metal, Hobbit tossing, and have a slight obsession with a certain Lady Galadriel. Old baggage really...hardly worth mentioning.
If interested, please forward a strand of your hair to: Gimli, Son of Gloin

Well Equipped Wizard

SMW (single male wizard), tall, well dressed with a large glowing staff  seeks SEM to "make fireworks" with. Must enjoy long, fast rides across fields of ME and must not mind smoking, being kicked out of hotels for "bearing ill news," or talking of death, fire and the hordes of the Dark Lord at every meal.

(Thanks to Belladonna for the great ‘dwimmerlake” line. )