I am Diminished - I am Glad I am in the West

by MithrandirCQ
Manwe Sulimo & Varda Elentari
1 Taniquetil Lane
Uttermost West

My Lord & Lady,

I am sure by now you have seen what that New Zealander has done to me in the final installment of the Lord of the Rings. I have been a faithful servant and disciple to you. Why should I be subjected to this seeming set of contradictions? Here I am, returned as Gandalf the White and I am able to do the following:

1. I have already defeated the Balrog as Gandalf the Grey (another Maia mind you)
2. I successfully expelled Saruman’s control over Theoden and knocked him on his butt. Pardon the phrase.What is that religion again? Ahh yes, Catholicism. It was set up similar to their exorcism rites. The only thing missing was Theoden’s head twisting and my splashing holy water and saying “The power of Christ compels you”.
3. After rounding up the remaining riders of Rohan and rescuing Theoden, Aragorn etal at Helm’s Deep. Mind you, I thought Eomer did a poor impersonation of Erkenbrand. Thanks to Fangorn and the Ents for the cleanup work around the Hornburg and at Isengard
4. I proceed to Isengard, throwing Saruman from the Istari Order and breaking his staff ( This is the 2nd Maiar that I defeat).
5. I believe that Professor made a notation after I came back and was talking to Gimli -What was it, Tollers, no, Tolkien. I believe it was in the 2nd installment of his book. Let’s see. Ah, yes. Here it is.
'Dangerous!' cried Gandalf. 'And so am I, very dangerous: more dangerous than anything you will ever meet, unless you are brought alive before the seat of the Dark Lord.
6. I then take that prince of inquisitiveness Pippin to Minas Tirith. I then drive off not one, not two, but three Nazgul with my lighted staff.

Now with all this, I confront the Lord of the Nazgul and he breaks my staff. Not only that I am constantly be demeaned by propping up the character of Aragorn. As if he needed propping up. The guy was nearly 7 feet tall. It’s not my fault they could not find anybody qualified and that height. It was my idea to draw out Sauron’s forces. I knew of the dangers with Frodo. I am the one with Narya. I was instilling hope and courage to others. Here, the director, what’s his name – PJ? Sounds like something those men wear to bed. Anyway, he has me doubting my reasons and having failed Frodo and sent him to his doom. Saruman’s voice no longer has power over me. To top it all off, during the entire movie, Glamdring never turns blue. What happened, did they run out of batteries? Anyway, I just would like to know if I could go back and turn this guy into something unnatural. Just for a short time. Better yet, he almost looks like one; let me turn him into a hobbit. Please allow this one request.

Your most humble and devoted disciple,

3 Maiars Corners
Nienna’s Cove, Uttermost West