Mission, Quest, Thing...Impossible

by lilywillow

The true story of how the quest to destroy the ring got started.

Jim, Maiar Secret Agent, sits behind Eru's throne, listening to the usual recording.

"Your mission, Jim, should you choose to accept it, is to travel to Middle-Earth and destroy The One Ring before Sauron gets hold of it.

"Long thought to have been lost, Jim, the ring has surfaced and is in the hands of a hobby, hobbling... what are they called? you know, those little people that like round doors. You are to travel to the Land of the Little People, (no, not Munchkinland, the other one) in a suitable disguise and take the ring to Mount Doom and drop it in.

"Oh, and Jim, don't touch the ring yourself or you'll get burned. Get someone else to do it.

"This tape will self destruct in five seconds, years, millenia...whatever. Leave the gold leaf file cover behind when you take the biographies out of it. I'm running low."

Jim reached back under the cushions that were on the throne to make Eru look taller and found the gold leaf file folder with a number of photographs in it. Clipped to each was a brief biography. 'Now how am I supposed to carry these without the file cover?' says Jim to himself irritably. He looked around carefully, manifested a physical hand, grabbed the file and floated out of the throne room.

Finding a quiet spot in the Garden of the Mostly Good Maiar, Jim started going through the folder, looking for his fellowship.

1. Medusa, Snake Head Lady...'too ugly - besides, I need moving bodies.'

2. Tumnus, a faun - 'I know him - too nervous'

3. Hippolyta - Queen of the Amazons. 'Hmm, tough, feisty, but lost it when she married Theseus.'

'Oh, to heck with this - I'll just pick some likely candidates as I go along. A human or two, perhaps one who will be king and another who would be king, an elf and a dwarf - that should be interesting - a couple of those cute little hobbits for comic relief, one to carry the ring and, most important, one to do the cooking."

Jim tossed the file aside. He floated over to the Undying Disguise Room to find the appropriate attire for a sojourn among material beings. 'Just the thing,' he said jokingly, grabbing a ridiculous tall, battered blue hat that caught his metaphorical eye and popping it on his unmanifested head.

To his chagrin, the hat spoke to him. "...Gryffindor...Slitherin... no, wrong story. You have put on the hat of Gandalf, a wizard!" Lightning and thunder reverberated around the chamber for dramatic effect. "Gandalf takes the form of...an old man with limited powers."

'Oh, drat,' said Jim as he manifested into a wizened up old guy with a crooked staff and dirty fingernails.

"Oh, yes," continued the hat, "you do have a couple of powers. You can light fires and fireworks, and you can blow fancy shapes with smoke."

Jim groaned as he suddenly found himself singing a sissy song and driving a horse drawn cart toward a little hobbit standing on a grassy bluff.

"You're late!" Said the hobbit.

Jim scowled at him, mentally trying to dredge up the name. His lips quivered with relief when it came to him.

"A wizard, Frodo Baggins is never late! He arrives precisely when he means to."

"It's wonderful to see you Gandalf!" said Frodo. Jim sighed and forced a smile as the creature flung himself into his arms. And so it began.