I can picture it now...

New Zealand Convention, 2003
by Lightpoet

(Scene: New Zealand Convention, 2003. We see Lightpoet cautiously walking into wherever this thing is being held.)

Lightpoet: Ok, now that I'm here...I wonder who is who? Oh, well that must be Goldberry!

(A woman is standing in front of large crowd, proclaiming Top Ten Lists as loud as she can. It is obvious that she has been doing this for quite some time, as some of the crowd have fallen asleep standing up.)

Lightpoet: And that guy -must- be Ghostwood! (We actually can't see Ghostwood through the sea of swooning women that have gathered around him.)

Lightpoet: And there's Ararrat! (We see Ararrat talking to a group of admiring nerds, and we can hear part of what he's saying.)
Ararrat: And then, the 43rd time I saw FOTR...

Lightpoet: I definitely see the Fellowship board group! (A gaggle of giggling girls are huddled together around pics of EW, Orli, Viggo,and every other conceivable guy in LOTR, drooling, swooning, and occasionally HONKing.)

Lightpoet: Hey, there's Rosie! (shouting) Hey, Rosie! What's up!

Rosie:(looking very paranoid) Just leave me alone about his pants, OK?!

Lightpoet: I didn't -say- anything about his pants...uhh...I'm going to talk to Black Breathalizer!

Blackie: Leave me alone! I'm trying to write a skit! Let's see...so TO Elf and VC walk into a bar...

(In the background, we see SageGrrrl peeking into a side door and looking around. She says "All clear, guys!" to someone outside. She opens the door and several Smurfs sneak inside.)

Lightpoet: I wonder where Irascian is?

The Pointy-Eared Took: We threw him out when we found out that he wasn't really Sir Ian McKellan.

Irascian:(yelling from outside) But I kept TELLING you!!!...oh forget it!

Lightpoet: Ah...and there's the moderators! (We see Took, Warbird, and Moderator #13 breaking up a fight.)

Lightpoet: And look! There's everyone I forgot to mention! (Everyone else is either throwing sponges at each other or attacking the Smurfs that SageGrrrl let in.)

Lightpoet: And there's Redbeard! (We see Redbeard frantically trying to record all this madness.)

Lightpoet: Hmmm, now that I've covered everyone, I wonder how I'm going to end this fantasy?

(Suddenly, Elijah Wood appears out of nowhere with a sponge in his hand and approaches Lightpoet.)

Elijah Wood: Hey, are these guys boring you? Why don't you come talk to me? I'm from Middle-Earth.

Lightpoet: Sure! Calgon take me away! (They walk off together, hand in hand.)