When Worlds Collide
The day had just begun as the
various guests took to their seats. The
Men sat first, eager to begin, while the Dwarves grumbled about the
chairs being too high off the ground. Frodo, Bilbo and Gandalf quickly
grabbed the end seats for a quick exit, leaving the Elves in the middle
still feeling hung-over from the previous night’s party. A short while
later Elrond appeared from some hidden vestibule still arranging his
erratic hair, before quickly calling order to the proceedings.
“Strangers from distant lands, friends of old… and Dwarves. You
have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle-Earth
stands upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will
unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate - this one
doom. Bring forth the Ring, Frodo.”
With a look from Gandalf, Frodo slipped off his chair and placed
the Ring on top of the pedestal in the middle of the council. Taking
one last glance at it, he then turned around and scurried back to his
chair. All the assembled parties stared at the item in shock as one of
the men leaned forward to speak.
“In a dream, I saw the eastern sky grow dark…”
“Howdy folks!” A loud cry suddenly interrupted the man’s speech.
Everyone immediately shuffled and turned towards the new voice,
whispering in low voices as four people walked into the room.
“Why, hello there people… and strange hairy midgets,” Said the
lead man, dressed in dark green clothes with black glasses around his
eyes. He seemed to be hugging some sort of black device that was
hanging from a band on his shoulder, before reaching up and removing
the glasses. Another man quickly followed him, similarly dressed but
instead wearing clear glasses with a large brimmed hat and a pack on
his back. Behind him came a woman, then a taller, thickset man with an
unusual gold mark on his forehead and carrying a tall staff.
“I think they are Dwarves.” The man with the hat whispered.
“Yep, they have that, well… “Dwarvish” look.”
“Is it ‘Dwarfish’, or ‘Dwarvish’, cause I always get those two
confused. Is it a war-fish? A fish that looks like a drawer? Some sort
of hot, Indian curry?” He said as he turned towards his companion.
“Technically, I believe it is ‘Dwarvish’.”
“Gotcha. Hello men, Dwarves, and Vulcans!” He said again, addressing
“Vulcans, sir?” Asked the woman.
“Check out their ears, Carter, you’re not going to tell me they all had
accidents with rice-pickers?”
“No, sir, probably not. But I don’t think they are Vulcans.”
“And why not?”
“Because Vulcans are fictional characters, sir.”
“How do you know that this isn’t the planet Vulcan?”
“I don’t think it works like that, sir.”
“Ahh… Well Daniel, go make peace with the natives.” He said, waving his
hand at the man in the hat.
Daniel stepped forward before the council, removed his hat and
stared at all the expecting faces. He gave a little cough, and then
turned towards Elrond with a smile on his face.
“Greetings, my name is Dr. Jackson and this is Colonel O’Neill,
Major Carter, and Teal’c. We’re explorers from a planet called Earth.”
At this he touched his chest, made a large circular motion around his
companions, then pointed to the sky. “We came through the Stargate to
your world.” He started to draw a big circle in the air with his
finger. “Stargate, mmm… the chappa’aia? Circle of the Ancients?”
At the blank stares and looks of shock on some of the faces, he
turned back towards the leader and shrugged. “I’m not even sure they
“Have you tried it in Vulcan?”
“No.” Daniel said with an annoyed look.
“I thought all you geeks knew how to speak Vulcan.”
“Do you want to try this?” Daniel said with frustration as he
offered up the position in the centre of the council, at which point
O’Neill stepped forward.
“Hello,” He shouted out slowly with long pauses on the syllables.
“We came from the Star-gate. You know, this big circular device, spins
round, with lots of writing on the outside? Probably accompanied by
lots of guys with big egos, bad taste in clothes and glowing eyes?”
“You mean the Ring of Power?” Elrond said suddenly as all eyes in the
room quickly turning to him.
“Ring of Power?” O’Neill asked Daniel.
“Sounds about right.”
“No, but it sounds about right.”
“You’re just filling me with confidence here,” He quickly responded
before turning to face Elrond.
A sharp whine suddenly filled the air and all the gathered guests
became highly agitated, looking at each other in increasing states of
“Sauron is upon us!” One of the Dwarves shouted out, leaping to the
floor and grabbing his axe.
“Ringwraiths! Ringwraiths!” An Elf squealed, then proceed to curl up in
a ball under his chair.
“Celeron?” O’Neill asked.
“I believe it was more like ‘sale-on’,” Daniel replied.
“Sale on? They’re having a sale? A sale on what?”
“Sir, I’m picking up increased energy emissions.” Carter
interrupted, studying a small box in her hands. “It resembles an Asgard
matter transportation device, but on a highly localised scale.”
As she spoke four columns of light began to coalesce on the other
side of the council. They seemed to shimmer and sparkle in blue before
slowly fading, leaving four figures in their place. A large man with a
strange forehead standing near the back of the new group immediately
pulled out some sort of silver wand upon seeing the gathered crowd. The
leader of this group, a tall bearded man in a red shirt quickly
gestured for his subordinate to holster the wand before turning to face
a pale-skinned man in yellow beside him.
“Who are they, Mr. Data?” He asked softly as the pale man removed a
small box from his hip and flipped it open.
At the sight of the gun, O’Neill quickly pulled up his own black
device and pointed it at the new arrivals as Carter repeated his
action. Teal’c raised his staff instead as small yellow lightning
ripple across its end.
“I’m sensing some hostility, Will.” A small woman in a blue shirt said,
placing her hand gently on the red-shirted man’s arm.
Daniel immediately stepped forward between the two groups and raised
his arms as if to separate them.
“Svetlana? Dr. Svetlana Markov?” Carter asked, noticing the woman in
“Who is she talking to?” The woman asked of her companions.
“I could have sworn you were Dr. Markov. You look almost exactly
like her, enough to pass for her twin!” Carter replied in astonishment
as Daniel moved closer.
“We don’t mean any harm.” He said softly, walking slowly towards the
red-shirted man. “We’re just visitors to this world.”
“He appears to be human, sir.” Data said, “As do some of the other
inhabitants. But several of them are of a species I cannot identify.”
“Vulcans?” O’Neill suggested.
“Shar’vreth tal shak soo kir’looka”
Data said to the crowd to test the theory.
“Servant of the Dark Lord!” One of the Dwarves suddenly cried out
and swung his axe at Data. The blade sliced into his left arm, leaving
a large cut in its wake. However, Data did not seem to notice and the
wound did not bleed but instead sparked violently.
“Data!” Cried out the woman in blue, rushing forward to his aid. The
foreheaded man pulled out his silver wand again and aimed it at the
angry Dwarf. “Halt!” He said in a deep voice, causing the Dwarf to drop
his axe and scowl at the man.
“You’re an artificial lifeform!” Carter suddenly burst out, studying
her own metallic box.
“Replicator?” O’Neill asked quietly.
“An android, sir. And a very sophisticated one at that.”
“Hah,” O’Neill said, “Been there, done that.”
“There is no need for alarm, Counselor, the damage was only minor.
My self-repair systems have already begun to correct the error.” Data
said calmly to the woman in blue, only casually acknowledging the
gapping hole in his arm.
“Yep, he’s an android.” O’Neill retorted.
“Interesting…” Daniel said as he walked closer to Data, examining the
wound and his pale skin.
“Commander, the unusual energy signature is emanating from the
item of jewellery on the pedestal. It appears to be producing high
levels of veteron radiation normally found only in transverse subspace
layers.” The android said to the man in red, waving his metallic box
towards the One Ring.
“Carter?” O’Neill asked.
“It’s very bad, sir.”
“Right. Why can’t people just say that to start with?”
“Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Commander William Riker of the
Starship Enterprise. This is Commander Data, Lieutenant Worf, and
Deanna Troi, Ship’s Counselor.” Riker said gesturing towards each
member of his team in turn. “We were passing through this system when
we discovered an immensely powerful energy signature coming from
somewhere in this area. Since this appears to be a pre-warp
civilisation that could not have created such devices, we felt it our
duty to investigate.”
“Ahah, just passing through?” O’Neill asked.
“I sense he does not believe us, Will.” Deanna said softly.
“I can’t sense the presence of a Goa’uld, sir.” Carter piped up.
“I recommend caution, Commander.” Worf added never keeping his eye off
the Dwarf that had attacked Data.
“Colonel Jack O’Neill, SG-1.” O’Neill said, “Carter, Daniel, Teal’c.”
Waving his weapon at each of his team in turn.
“We need to destroy the jewellery, Commander.” Data said.
“And I was just thinking it’d go so well with those shoes.” O’Neill
said, one hand placed on the trigger of his device.
“The Ring cannot be destroyed by any craft we here possess.” Elrond
suddenly spoke, roused from the spectacle unravelling before him.
“Have you tried Zatting it?” O’Neill asked.
“’Zatting’? Riker looked on sceptically.
“Teal’c, give it your best shot.” O’Neill said as Teal’c removed a
small weapon from a holster on his leg. There was a small click as the
device extended, then sprayed blue light across the air towards the
Ring. The pedestal fizzed slightly but otherwise remained unaffected.
“Worf, level 12, full disintegration.” Riker said, pulling a
silver wand from his holster and aiming it at the pedestal. In tandem,
two bolts of orange light emerged from their wands and struck the Ring
causing it to glow slightly, yet neither force could scratch its
“Sir, the energy emissions are increasing. We seem to be fueling the
radiation.” Warned Carter suddenly.
“I concur, Commander. We should refrain from any more high energy
discharges.” Data added.
“So how do you destroy this Ring then?” Daniel asked, turning to
“It must be taken deep into Mordor and cast back into the fiery
chasm from whence it came!” He decreed ominously as all eyes turned
towards him, with murmurs amongst the Men in the back row.
“I sense great danger, Will.” Deanna said.
“You don’t say…” O’Neill muttered.
“What happens if someone puts it on?” Daniel inquired.
“It is said that you fall into the twilight-world, vanishing to all
those around you.” Elrond replied.
“Ohhhhh, been there, done that.” Daniel said wistfully.
“Carter, get the magnets.” O’Neill ordered
“Sir?” She questioned.
“Magnets. We’ll move it with magnets”
“But sir, that won’t…”
“I don’t think that’ll work in this case, sir.”
“I think we should take the Ring. Mr. Data, lock on to the Ring
with the transporter. We’ll beam it straight into this Mount Doom.”
“Not if I’ve got anything to say about it. Teal’c, show him your
eyebrow!” O’Neill shouted as Teal’c pushed his way into the middle of
the council and raised his eyebrow at Worf.
“I’ll put 20 quatloos on the Jaffa.” One of the Elves said to his
“50 on the Klingon!” Another one said.
“I believe this has gone far enough.” Boomed a voice from amongst
the crowd. Everyone shifted round and Gandalf rose from his seat to
face the assorted strangers. “There shall be no fight, for I am an
ascended Ancient!” A gasp of surprise rippled through the council,
followed by whisperings of “Well he is quite ancient, really.”
“Do not trust his lies, good fellows,” said Aragorn, “for I am Q!”
With a click of his fingers a brilliant flash engulfed Aragorn and in
his place stood another man wearing the same uniform as Riker. Sharp
cries escaped from the rest of the astounded council as the two
super-beings displayed their powers.
“What’s a Q?” O’Neill asked Daniel.
“Mmmm, I thought it came after P.”
“It appears to be some sort of non-corporeal lifeform, sir, the power
readings are off the scale!”
“Will, I am sensing a great deal of calm and balance from the
Ancient but it may not be a good idea to anger it.” Deanna cautioned
“Commander, energy readings have reached critical levels. The Ring
seems to be pushing itself outside of normal space/time.” Data said
quickly, glancing repeated at his small box.
“I will take it. I will take the Ring!” Came a small voice from
amongst the Elves, Dwarves, Men, Jaffa, Klingon, Betazoid, Ancient and
Q. As Frodo stepped down from his chair besides the sleeping Bilbo and
walked towards the pedestal.
“Told you they were hairy midgets.” O’Neill commented to Daniel,
receiving an annoyed look in replied.
“Well my work here is done. And we didn’t even get to the part
where I replace all their weapons with chocolate bars.” Q said sulkily,
then vanished in a click of his fingers.
“The needs of the few outweigh the needs of the many.” Gandalf
hummed cryptically as he began to transform into a glowing ball of
“The energy readings are decreasing, Commander. The Ring appears
to be imprinting a telepathic link on its host to sustain its state
between subspace interfold layers.” Data said, running his box up and
down Frodo. “The situation seems to have resolved itself without our
“I sense great joy and gratitude, Will, joy and gratitude.” Deanna said
with a tear in her eye.
“Hmmph.” Grunted Worf with his phaser still pointed at Teal’c.
“Now now boys, we don’t won’t to hurt Teal’c’s feelings.” O’Neill said,
placing one hand on Teal’c’s shoulder.
“Commander, I think we should respect the Prime Directive and wipe
their memories.” Worf replied.
“I think enough damage has been done here already, Lieutenant, best to
leave this for the experts.”
With a look from Riker, Worf gave a grunt and joined his group as
they assembled into a diamond shape. He then tapped the triangular
badge on his chest and spoke out loud, “Riker to Enterprise, four to
beam up.” With slightly less interested glances, the four companions
dissolved in the blue shimmering lights and vanished from the council.
“Sweet!” O’Neill said, rubbing his hands together. “Aside from
conventions, do you think there’s anything these people can offer us,
“I’m not sure, sir, I can’t detect any naquadah in the vicinity or
signs of advanced technology.” She said, waving her small box around in
“You sure it’s not broken?”
“It’s working fine, sir.”
You know, it has broken before…”
“It’s working fine, sir.”
“At least the possibility…”
“It’s working fine, sir. There just isn’t anything here.” Carter said
“Daniel? Any ideas?” O’Neill asked out loud.
“We need to stay and study there culture, their lives and
experiences! Find out what makes them... them.” He said emphatically
pointing at the crowd of different people.
“Any sensible ideas, Daniel?”
“Well, no. They seem to have solved their problem without our help.
Strange feeling isn’t it?”
“Very. Although that Ring looked cool, maybe I’ll bring one back
for General Hammond.” O’Neill said picking up his gear and walking back
the way he came as the rest of the group followed. “I still think they
were Vulcans.” O’Neill said as his voice faded into the distance.
Elrond looked at the remaining guests and Frodo, who clutched the
Ring in his hand just as Boromir jumped up and pointed at Elrond.
“I told you I should have used my lightsabre!”