If you Give a Hobbit a Mushroom
by Laerlass
Inspired by the children's story If You Give a Mouse a Cookie:
If you give a hobbit a mushroom, he will want a mug of ale to go with
it. He would then want another mug of ale, followed by yet another.
After that, he would be a little tipsy, and would probably climb up on
the table to start singing. He would sing a few songs, while drinking
more ale, getting louder and more excited with each verse. He would
finally get so excited, he would jump off the table in an effort to
finish off his song impressively. But he would instead fall over into
the chairs, having had more ale than he should.
He would then have a headache, from too much ale and from hitting his
head on the chairs. He would want to rest for a little while, so his
headache would go away. You would get him all settled in, when he would
suddenly realise it was time for afternoon tea. He would then jump out
of bed and dash to the pantry, forgetting his headache in his haste to
eat.
He would open the pantry only to remember that he had eaten the last of
the sponge cake after luncheon. So you would agree to help him make
some, because he had his heart set on it, and you couldn’t bear to see
him disappointed. He would eat some biscuits while cooking the cake, as
he couldn’t wait until the cake was finished to eat. You would help him
mix up the cake and get it in the oven, and while it was baking he
would remember he needed to weed his garden. He would go outside, start
pulling up weeds, then get hungry again. While washing the dirt off, he
would start smelling the cake, and realise it was ready. He would run
to the kitchen and pull the cake out, just as the clock struck for
dinner.
He would hurry around the kitchen, getting the table ready for dinner,
piling it high with food. He'd set the cake out to be eaten as soon as
dinner was over, then sit down to eat. Just as he sat down, he would
realise he left the mushrooms on the counter. He would bring them to
the table and start to eat one. Then, of course, he would want a mug of
ale to go with it.
