The Holiday of a Lifetime

by Fili


Yes, lucky USA Ringers are to get first refusal on the ultimate experience, ''The Tolkienalooza Middle-Earthathon,'' hosted by PAPICRAP (Pink And Peroxide Incorporated Conducted Ramblings And Parties) the leading purveyor of quality vacations on Planet Earth.

With pick-up points at all leading USA airports, you will be whisked to Great Britain travelling in the new and exciting Economy Class where you are never separated from your luggage (yes, you get to sit in the Hold).

Upon arrival at London Heathrow, there is the sponsored jog to Oxford, the late great professor's hometown.

After that, you will sample the quaint English custom of ''roughing it,'' which is like camping only even more fun - no tents!

Food will be provided on special shop-lifting expeditions.

To book, send your check for $10,000, payable to Financial Independence Liberates Igloos (or FILI, for short) or to: Conducted And Superb Holidays (or CASH for short).