The Chiropodist of Middle-Earth

by Fili
It is told in The Silmarillion that, in the beginning, there was BigToe, also known as Innovator, and that he set in motion the music of The ToeNails.

And so the chiropodists were born.

High Elves they - they roamed all of Middle Earth in seek of flawed feet.

Often they came to The Shire where, disguised as strangely effeminate Wizards, they would tend the hairy pinkies of the local Hobbits.

One such chiropodist, a mercenary, would secretly journey to Barad-Dur, where he tended the tootises of nine-toed Sauron, who lost a toe to Isildur who accidentally trod on his foot in a waltz at the end of the Second Age.

He cropped up from time to time in LOTR, and his name (though unspoken) comes into many tales.

Let me speak of him now...

Addition by Vison:

In Canada we call them Podiatrists, a
nd they are revered as near-godlike beings. Every little town square in Canada has a statue of the local Podiatrist, and so adored are they that the pigeons refrain from decorating them.

It is believed that the Cult of the Podiatrists began when, after the release of the movie Lord of the Rings, Fellowship of the Rings, a pink-bearded woman Chiropodist from Middle Earth arrived in Montreal claiming political asylum. She told a tale of persecution, and had the court weeping as she described how the Pink-Bearded Men Chiropodists had seized her toe-nail clippers and had beaten her with a Pumice Stone. A media frenzy ensued.

From there it was only a matter of months until Podiatrists were everywhere in Canada's green and pleasant land. It is believed that there is a farm near Weyburn, Saskatchewan, where they are grown rather as Wheat or Barley is grown.

Addition by seansbeanie:

The One Toe Ring? ~beanie scrambles to buy up all the "Cotton Candy Pink" nail polish before he who must not be named is revealed and all of ME and the RW are subliminally called to their local day spa for a pedicure and buff special.