The Chiropodist of Middle-Earth
by Fili
It is told in The Silmarillion that, in the beginning, there was
BigToe, also known as Innovator, and that he set in motion the music of
The ToeNails.
And so the chiropodists were born.
High Elves they - they roamed all of Middle Earth in seek of flawed feet.
Often they came to The Shire where, disguised
as strangely effeminate Wizards, they would tend the hairy pinkies of
the local Hobbits.
One such chiropodist, a mercenary, would
secretly journey to Barad-Dur, where he tended the tootises of
nine-toed Sauron, who lost a toe to Isildur who accidentally trod on
his foot in a waltz at the end of the Second Age.
He cropped up from time to time in LOTR, and his name (though unspoken) comes into many tales.
Let me speak of him now...
Addition by Vison:
In Canada we call them Podiatrists, and they are revered as near-godlike beings. Every little town square
in Canada has a statue of the local Podiatrist, and so adored are they
that the pigeons refrain from decorating them.
It is believed that the Cult of the
Podiatrists began when, after the release of the movie Lord of the
Rings, Fellowship of the Rings, a pink-bearded woman Chiropodist from
Middle Earth arrived in Montreal claiming political asylum. She told a
tale of persecution, and had the court weeping as she described how the
Pink-Bearded Men Chiropodists had seized her toe-nail clippers and had
beaten her with a Pumice Stone. A media frenzy ensued.
From there it was only a matter of months
until Podiatrists were everywhere in Canada's green and pleasant land.
It is believed that there is a farm near Weyburn, Saskatchewan, where
they are grown rather as Wheat or Barley is grown.
Addition by seansbeanie:
The One Toe Ring? ~beanie scrambles to buy up all the "Cotton Candy Pink" nail polish
before he who must not be named is revealed and all of ME and the RW
are subliminally called to their local day spa for a pedicure and buff
special.
