Not in the Book!

by Doctor Gamgee

In response to the challenge issued by Daughter of Kings at Texas Moot:

Write on any topic you choose… it doesn’t even have to be LOTR-themed. However, your work must contain the following phrases as they are written:

• Elves at Helm’s Deep
• “Fire a warning shot across the bow.”
• Tom Bombadil?
• mountain of skulls
• his name is Brego
• “You’ll have to toss me.”
• Eowyn’s stew

May I try one off the top of my head? A double-Drabble:

It was chaos on the cutting-room floor. Old Man Willow and Tom Bombadil couldn't believe they were here while the Elves at Helms Deep weren't...

Nonsense items were here among the celuloid littering the floor. A steaming dish of Eowyn's stew sat on a table beside a placecard. Aragorn expected to see his name, but laughed when he read the warning, accompanied by a mountain of skulls, "You'll have to throw me." He had tasted Eowyn's cooking the day before...

And numerous out-takes of PJ and Legolas in Elocution:

"Fire a warning shot across the bow" cried the elf.
"Cut" cried the director. "That's a huorn; it's pronounced like Bough." said PJ calmly.
"We're in front of a Green Screen!" came the exasperated reply. "I have no arrows in my quiver and am firing at nothing. The dwarf said that the Elves brought Entwives to Helms Deep," ’Neither of which is not in the book!’ he muttered. "and I thought they might be wearing bows to differentiate them from the Ents."

“And here we sit!” said Tom to the Willow. “Alongside fourteen takes of Aragorn calling him Prego when everyone knew his name is Brego. Where is the Justice?!?”