The Sneezing Elf

by Dinledhwen

THE STORY SO FAR: The party is now in full swing in the Golden Hall at Edoras where the partygoers are celebrating their victory at Helm’s Deep.

THE SCENE: Aragorn with Éowyn on his arm enters the Hall with Gimli and Legolas following behind. For several minutes they stand there surveying the joyous crowd gathered there before Aragorn spots Gandalf standing by a pillar. However before Aragorn can suggest they all join the Wizard, the scent of a really cheap men’s aftershave fills the air around them.

LEGOLAS: *suddenly sneezes loudly which surprises him for he has never sneezed before*

ARAGORN, EOWYN, AND GIMLI: *shocked looks on their faces for they too are surprised by this*

LEGOLAS: *sneezes again which is quickly followed by several more*

THE SCENE: By now a gust of fresh air from outside swirls past them dissipating the smell of the cheap aftershave.

LEGOLAS: *suddenly stops sneezing and looks at Aragorn through watering eyes obviously confused before wiping at them with the back of each hand*

THE SCENE: Pippin now runs up to them and with him comes the scent of the cheap aftershave again.

LEGOLAS: *suddenly starts to sneeze rapidly over and over again*

PIPPIN: *stares at the Elf in surprise* I didn’t think elves ever sneezed.

ARAGORN: *obviously concerned* They normally don’t but there is some evil at work here.

LEGOLAS: *gratefully accepts a handkerchief from Éowyn which he sneezes into as his eyes and nose runs uncontrollably*

EOWYN: This is not the work of evil but Grima Wormtongue’s aftershave! I recognized that foul scent anywhere. But Pippin where did you find it?

PIPPEN: *looks embarrassed* I…um…well I was curious…about what was in the cabinet in the bathroom. It was in a plain brown bottle. I thought it smelled good so I put some on…

ARAGORN AND GIMLI: *roll their eyes upward* We should have known a hobbit’s curiosity was behind this!

LEGOLAS: *starts to back away from Pippin and runs out the door sneezing all the way*

THE SCENE: Once outside in the fresh air Legolas collapses onto a bench where he eventually recovers. However no amount of coaxing will get him to go back inside. Nor does he go near Pippin again until the hobbit has been through three scrubbings. As for Grima Wormtongue’s aftershave, the bottle was found and dumped outside well away from Edoras. To this day no grass grows in that spot.