The Script Change
by Dinledhwen
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The Script Change – An Inklet
“Give me your name, horse-master and I will give you mine,” Gimli demanded.
Now this caused Éomer to dismount from his horse and walk over to the Dwarf.
“I would cut off your head Dwarf if it stood but a little higher from the ground,” he said angrily.
Suddenly Legolas with quick hands placed an arrow to bow string and aimed at Éomer’s forehead which was only inches away.
“You would die before your stroke fell!” the Elf said in a deadly tone of voice.
“You couldn’t hit a broad side of a barn if you were standing two feet away from it!” Éomer said mockingly.
Suddenly Legolas looked confused as did everyone else.
“I don’t remember seeing that line in the script,” the Elf said while lowering his weapon.
“Oh I was just adlibbing,” Éomer replied shrugging his
shoulders. “I know our fans never grow tired of us saying the same
dialog over and over again. But I do. So what do you think? Is the line
a keeper? I don’t think our fans would mind much this little change.”
“I don’t know,” Aragorn said thoughtfully while rubbing his chin.
“Maybe we shouldn’t tamper with the story. I mean it’s so successful
the way it is. I once heard a fan say to someone who was about to
adjust the DVD player “If it isn’t broke; don’t fix it”. I think that
would apply here too.”
“I have to agree with Aragorn,” Gimli said.
“As do I,” Legolas added.
“You’re probably right. After all it’s quite plain to our fans that you
couldn’t hit me if you tried so that line of dialog would be
redundant,” Éomer said jokingly to Legolas.
“Ha! Maybe we SHOULD change the script to show that I could!” the Elf
replied raising his arrow again and aiming at Éomer’s forehead
thus causing everyone else to pick up where they had left off.
2. Gimli's Axe
“I WILL NOT LEAVE MY AXE BEHIND!!” Gimli roared when it was suggested
by the voice of the disembodied Director from above that he didn’t need
it while preparations were being made to film the Council of Elrond
scene one morning.
“But Gimli there’s no reason for you to have it,” the Director said
while trying to sooth the Dwarf’s ruffled feathers. “In this scene
you’re amongst allies.”
“Elves are my allies?! Surely you jest! No my axe is staying with me!” Gimli said stubbornly.
“I have heard stories of mortal children having a blankie. And if said
blankie was taken away from the child then he would throw a fit. So in
the interest of preserving the peace, I say let the Dwarf keep his axe
since he feels more secure with it like the child with his blankie,”
Legolas said.
Suddenly Gimli’s face turned as red as his beard and he started to
lunge towards the smiling Elf but was restrained by the four Hobbits,
Aragorn, Boromir, and Gandalf before he could reach him.
“LET ME GO! I’LL SHOW THAT POINTY-EARED PRINCE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
MY AXE AND A BLANKIE! LET ME GO!” Gimli shouted while they hauled him
off to somewhere else away from Legolas so they could calm him down.
This need to separate the Dwarf and Elf had become almost a daily
occurrence.
“Legolas how many times must I tell you please don’t tease Gimli. It
takes forever for him to calm down and we’re on a tight schedule,” the
now exasperated sounding disembodied voice of the Director said over
the sound of rapid typing on a keyboard.
“But it’s so much fun!” Legolas said lightheartedly.
“You may find it fun but the rest of us don’t,” Lord Elrond said while
taking a hold of Legolas by his right arm. “I also know of stories
about mortal children. When they misbehave they are made to sit in a
corner. And I know of one that is perfect for you.”
“But I haven’t done anything wrong!” Legolas whined while he was led away.
“Does this mean I get to replace Legolas in the Fellowship?” Glorfindel eagerly asked.
“Now don’t you start that again! I have come up with a way to let Gimli
keep his axe and that’s the only change I’m going to make to the
script!” the still exasperated Director said while looking for his
bottle of Tums. He had a feeling that it was going to be a long day.
3. The Elven Rope
It wasn’t long after Sam had lamented the fact that he might have to
leave his rope behind because the knot he had tied wouldn’t be so easy
to undo when the rope suddenly untied itself and fell in a neatly
coiled pile at his feet.
“Real elvish rope?” Frodo said to his friend who looked back up at the
cliff they had just climbed down wondering how this could have happened.
Then a high pitched flute began to play a tune whose melody sounded
vaguely like I Dream of Jeanie’s theme song from behind a pile of rocks
to the right.
Suddenly the Elven Rope sprang back to life and began to wind itself
rapidly in a gentle loving way around Frodo’s legs as it made its way
up his body.
“Help me Sam!” Frodo cried desperately. But there was nothing Sam could
do for every time he tried to get close, the other end of the rope
would crack at him like a whip keeping him at bay.
“Sam please do something!” Frodo pleaded as he fell over onto his back
now completely covered in coils of the rope except for his head. Then
to his horror the Elven Rope began to slowly drag him toward the pile
of rocks.
“Gollum stop playing that flute this instant!” the voice of the
disembodied Director ordered from above. “You know you have to wait
until the end of the third movie before you can have the One Ring
again.”
However Gollum slinked out from behind some rocks to the left.
“Oh sure blame me poor, poor Gollum when it’s another one of those
tricksee Hobbits that is playing the flute,” he said unhappily while
the music continued and a now whimpering Frodo was still being slowly
dragged toward the pile of rocks to the right.
“Well if it isn’t you then who is it?” the Director asked clearly mystified.
Meanwhile Sam had decided that the only way he could help Frodo was to
stop the flute player himself so he ran around the pile of rocks and
his eyes went wide in surprise when he saw who was standing there.
“Mr. Bilbo!” he exclaimed. “What are you doing here?!”
Now Bilbo’s face turned red with embarrassment while he quickly hid the flute behind his back.
“I…ah…was just out for a walk…I thought I would drop by for a visit…and maybe I could hold my Ring again…” he stammered.
“THE PRECIOUSSS ISN’T YOURS BUT MINE!” Gollum shrieked with anger before he started to chase the older Hobbit from the set.
By now Frodo had managed to free himself from the limp Elven Rope and
was now chasing after Gollum to keep him away from his Uncle which of
course caused Sam to follow faithfully behind to protect both Frodo and
Bilbo. Soon the set was empty except for the Director above who sighed
and decided he might as well go get a cup of coffee.
