Gondor Needs no Pants

by Dinledhwen

My Muse and I decided to come back to this and give it more polish so to speak.  Once again the term pants here refers to leggings and not underwear.


Now Boromir had been in such a hurry to be the first member of the Fellowship to reach the gate that he had forgotten a most essential part of his clothing as he dressed after his shower. However, it did not take him long once he was at the gate to realize its non-existence when a cool fall breeze suddenly sprang up and blew past his bare legs which in turn wiped away his smug “Look at me I’m the first at the gate!” expression on his face.

Then Legolas joined him and began to grin from one pointy ear to another. “Apparently not only does Gondor need no king it needs no pants either!” the elf said with a mocking laugh.

Boromir glared back. “Are you always this annoying?”

“No. But for you I will make an exception.”

“Why don’t I feel honored by this?”

“You should. Like I said I just don’t do this for anyone.”

Boromir glared back again. “Well you can just stop doing it! Now if you will excuse me I need to go back to my room…”

“Look Merry! Boromir has no pants on!” Pippin cried out in surprise as the two hobbits ran over to the man and elf.

“That’s because Gondor does not need them,” Legolas chimed in impishly.

“Now stop that! I do too need them! I was just in a hurry to reach the gate and forgot them is all!” Boromir explained his face turning red with anger and embarrassment.

“If that’s the case then Gondor also needs a King after the One Ring is destroyed,” the elf said softly in a gotcha tone of voice.

All Boromir could do was angrily sputtered and spit incoherently as he tried to counter the wisdom in Legolas’ words. When he could not, he quickly turned around and stomped back towards his room while he muttered under his breath something about ridding the elf of his pants and making him run through the streets of Minas Tirith in such a state of undress.

Now the elf was not disappointed that his first attempt at pointing out the error in Boromir’s thinking had failed to sink in past the man’s stubbornness. After all, he was quite sure he would have many more opportunities to “annoy” the Gondorian with it during the Fellowship’s journeyed to Mordor.

Meanwhile a confused Merry and Pippin were looking at one another. “What was that all about?” Pippin asked Legolas who was still grinning from ear to ear.

“Just me being annoying is all,” he finally replied. Then he smiled cryptically at the two hobbits.

“I still don’t get it,” Pippin whispered to Merry after Legolas had left to say a farewell to Arwen.

“I don’t either. Elves are strange folk.”

“And men too. The very idea of leaving without your pants on is crazy!” the young hobbit said while he watched as a fully clothed and still angry Boromir returned and stood as far away as he could from the elf.

“It’s times like these that I’m glad to be a hobbit Pip.”

“Me too Merry! Me too!”