The Battle of the Hornburg - a Script Change

by Dinledhwen

So the time had come at last for Saruman’s Uruk-hai to charge towards the Deeping Wall. Then suddenly a scratchy record of country music started to play from the Hornburg and immediately the Uruk-hai broke ranks and began to square dance!

Now this was followed by the Elvish defenders up on the Wall lining up like the Radio City Rockets and kicking their legs up into the air in time with the music!

Suddenly Aragorn gracefully leaped onto the wall dressed in a maroon ballet outfit complete with white tights. Then Éowyn in a pretty pink tutu joined him and they began to dance a number from the Nutcracker set to the country music!

And if that wasn’t bad enough Legolas and Gimli started to do the Hokey Pokey!

“WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON HERE?!” shouted the disembodied voice of the Director over the country music which suddenly stopped with the sound of the needle being quickly dragged over the record. This of course caused the dancers to stop and look around in bewilderment. After all they had just been following the script.

In the short silence that followed two hobbits could then be heard laughing hysterically off to the right behind some rocks.

Now the Director sighed. “Alright Merry and Pippin you can come out now.”

So slowly the two hobbits did just that but they had to lean on each other for support for they were weak from laughing so hard and tears were still flowing down their child like faces.

“What are you two doing here? Neither one of you are in this scene,” the Director asked clearly exasperated.

“We know but Treebeard’s moot was taking so long and we were bored,” Pippin replied before he had a spasm of giggles.

“So we started to write some script changes of our own to pass the time. But when Treebeard’s moot kept going we decided to try out one of our ideas,” Merry continued for him but then he too fell into giggling uncontrollably.

“It was easy for me to sneak into your office and substitute our pages for what you had written,” Pippin then added once he had gotten control of himself again. “Do you think we’ll win an Oscar for this?”

The Director didn’t reply but sighed again and reached for his Tums. Nobody told him there would be days like this when he agreed to take this job…