The Cast Offs

by Dinledhwen

When Aragorn joined the Fellowship at the gate, he immediately noticed that all he could see was poor Bill the Pony’s trembling legs from under the huge heavy pack on his back.

“Gentlemen I thought I had made myself perfectly clear that we must travel light,” he said in a no nonsense tone of voice as he pulled off the tarp which revealed nine large crates of mushrooms.

“We didn’t think a light snack on the road would hurt,” Pippin said as he and the other hobbits watched sadly, as their “snack” was stacked off to one side.

Next under the crates, Aragorn discovered a tall stack of magazines featuring pictures of little hairy women in bikinis cavorting in various bodies of water, which Gimli quickly snatched from his hands and hid behind his back.

“Let me guess that was your idea of some light reading for along the way,” Aragorn said with a smile as he teased the dwarf whose face was now a bright shade of red in embarrassment.

“I didn’t know dwarves could read,” Legolas said softly to the dwarf which made Gimli turn even redder now with anger.

Meanwhile the next thing that Aragorn discovered on Bill was a large box of autographed pictures of Boromir striking a kingly pose. “Aren’t you wasting you money on these things?” Aragorn said as he handed the box to the disappointed man from Gondor. “We both know that the script calls for you to kick the bucket later on and for me to become King.”

“Well I just thought that if I left hints along the way for the writers that they would change their minds,” Boromir replied. Then he looked at the picture on top and smiled. “My but I’m dashing in that pose!” he muttered to himself as he began to hand them out to the elves who had gathered to see the Fellowship off.

“Definitely delusional,” Legolas whispered to Gandalf who nodded back knowingly. “A chip off the old fruitcake block,” Gandalf whispered back.

After that, Aragorn took off Bill a square package wrapped in brown paper. Quickly Gandalf snatched this out of his hands before he proceeded to stuff it into a large pocket in his voluminous grey robes. However, Legolas’ keen eyesight had seen through a rip in the paper the word “Depends”. Instantly the Elf knew what it was the Wizard was trying to hide but he knew better then to say anything for he did not want to become something unnatural permanently.

“Here now the Elf here must have hid something on Bill too since everyone else had!” Gimli demanded.

“I’m afraid not Gimli,” Aragorn said. “What’s left on Bill is all that we need.”

Now this did not set well with the Dwarf who grumbled that elves could not be trusted.

“You may think that now Master Dwarf. However, I have a strong hunch you will think otherwise when the situation is most dire,” Gandalf said to which Gimli only gave a snort of disbelief.

Then the Fellowship was on their way with Legolas bringing up the rear with Bill. It was at that moment when the elf slipped his elvish toiletries kit unseen in amongst the items left in the pony’s pack and hid it in such a way that it would remain undiscovered.

“Elves can be trusted Bill,” he said softly to the pony while he rubbed its neck in a friendly manner. “We just prefer to not be so obvious with some of our actions.”

To this, Bill gave the elf a conspiratorial wink and from that, moment on the pair kept their secret to themselves.