The Cast Offs
When Aragorn joined the Fellowship at the gate, he immediately noticed
that all he could see was poor Bill the Pony’s trembling legs from
under the huge heavy pack on his back.
“Gentlemen I thought I had made myself perfectly clear that we must
travel light,” he said in a no nonsense tone of voice as he pulled off
the tarp which revealed nine large crates of mushrooms.
“We didn’t think a light snack on the road would hurt,” Pippin said
as he and the other hobbits watched sadly, as their “snack” was stacked
off to one side.
Next under the crates, Aragorn discovered a tall stack of magazines
featuring pictures of little hairy women in bikinis cavorting in
various bodies of water, which Gimli quickly snatched from his hands
and hid behind his back.
“Let me guess that was your idea of some light reading for along
the way,” Aragorn said with a smile as he teased the dwarf whose face
was now a bright shade of red in embarrassment.
“I didn’t know dwarves could read,” Legolas said softly to the dwarf which made Gimli turn even redder now with anger.
Meanwhile the next thing that Aragorn discovered on Bill was a
large box of autographed pictures of Boromir striking a kingly pose.
“Aren’t you wasting you money on these things?” Aragorn said as he
handed the box to the disappointed man from Gondor. “We both know that
the script calls for you to kick the bucket later on and for me to
“Well I just thought that if I left hints along the way for the
writers that they would change their minds,” Boromir replied. Then he
looked at the picture on top and smiled. “My but I’m dashing in that
pose!” he muttered to himself as he began to hand them out to the elves
who had gathered to see the Fellowship off.
“Definitely delusional,” Legolas whispered to Gandalf who nodded
back knowingly. “A chip off the old fruitcake block,” Gandalf whispered
After that, Aragorn took off Bill a square package wrapped in brown
paper. Quickly Gandalf snatched this out of his hands before he
proceeded to stuff it into a large pocket in his voluminous grey robes.
However, Legolas’ keen eyesight had seen through a rip in the paper the
word “Depends”. Instantly the Elf knew what it was the Wizard was
trying to hide but he knew better then to say anything for he did not
want to become something unnatural permanently.
“Here now the Elf here must have hid something on Bill too since everyone else had!” Gimli demanded.
“I’m afraid not Gimli,” Aragorn said. “What’s left on Bill is all that we need.”
Now this did not set well with the Dwarf who grumbled that elves could not be trusted.
“You may think that now Master Dwarf. However, I have a strong
hunch you will think otherwise when the situation is most dire,”
Gandalf said to which Gimli only gave a snort of disbelief.
Then the Fellowship was on their way with Legolas bringing up the
rear with Bill. It was at that moment when the elf slipped his elvish
toiletries kit unseen in amongst the items left in the pony’s pack and
hid it in such a way that it would remain undiscovered.
“Elves can be trusted Bill,” he said softly to the pony while he
rubbed its neck in a friendly manner. “We just prefer to not be so obvious with some of our actions.”
To this, Bill gave the elf a conspiratorial wink and from that, moment on the pair kept their secret to themselves.