The Sundering of the JRR Tolkien Fans
by Black Breathalizer
I've recently uncovered and dusted off a legendary tome entitled, "The Ringerillion", which, like Tolkien's Silmarillion, describes the ancient history of the breed of humanity known as JRR Tolkien Fans.
The Ringerillion tells the sad tale of the great sundering of the JRR Tolkien Fans. During the first age, The Quentidevoteé, also known as "The Fans of the Light", "Tolkien Fans", and sometimes simply as "Ringers" magically sprang forth upon the world after the publication of The Great Books.
Though they came from all corners of the globe, they were as one: peaceful, happy, and united in their love with the Master's great work. But over time, a sundering of the Quentidevoteé took place. Each sect developed its own distinct personality, culture, language, and characteristics. The only common bond of all these groups is their continuing love of the Great One and his Masterpiece.
The Sundering of the Fans and some of the names given to their divisions:
The Avaridevoteé - Also known as "The Unwilling" and "The Purists", the Avaridevoteé refused to accept the great journey to the movie world of Peter Jackson. The Avaridevoteé worship The Great Books and The Great Books ONLY. They are strict fundamentalists in their interpretation of all things Tolkien. They view deviations from The Great One's written words to be blasphemy and an unforgiveable sin. During the time of The Great Sundering (the release of the FOTR movie), GandalfsApprentice and Oldtook were examples of strong Quentidevoteé Fan Lords in the land of the Middle-earth discussion forum.
The Eldaridevoteé - Also known as "The Non-purists" and "The Jacksonites", the Eldaridevoteé accepted the great journey into the movie world of Peter Jackson and found a new home there. Many of them spent up to 69 hours (23 viewings) in this magical land after only a few weeks from The Great Release (Dec. 19, a holy day for the Non-purists). Examples of Eldaridevoteé lords are Ararrat (our club's viewing record-holder), Narya*, Elektra1995, The Old Took, and Rosie.
The Ebaydevoteé - A division of the Eldaridevoteé known for their great love of authentic movie swords, Burger King toy sets, and other Tolkien-inspired merchandise that could be purchased on Ebay. The Ebaydevoteé Lord, Warbird, is an example of this wild-eyed sect.
The Gushidevoteé - Also known as "The Swooners", this sect is made up almost exclusively of women (hey, don't call me sexist, I'm just transcribing the ancient text. Honest.) These women worship and gush upon the men of the FOTR movie. Within this division, there are many subdivisions, with The EWoodevoteés, The Seandevoteés, The Orlandodevoteés, and The Billyodevoteés being the most numerous, followed by the Viggodevoteés and the Domdevoteés.
The Bakshidevoteé - The name given to the three fans who actually liked Bakshi's Lord of the Rings movie. Rumor has it that this clan died out long ago, but some may still exist: Ghostwood was reported to have actually spent real money to purchase the video not long ago.
The Rebirthadevoteé - Also know as "The Reluctant Converts" and "The Born Again Jacksonites", this sect includes people who vowed *never* to see the film, never to embrace its cause, and yet were eventually drawn in by its flickering light. They have since kept an uneasy mental balance (or imbalance) between traditional Tolkien (The Avaridevoteé) loyalties and the radical Jacksonian (Eldaridevoteé) leanings. Rumor has it that Tinuviel is one of their lords but - like most people in this large sect - he is embarrassed to admit it.
The Deciphedevoteé - Also known as "The Greenies" and "The Invisibles", this clan lurk in the darkness of the Great Decipher Forest and rarely reveal themselves to the posters of Middle-earth. The most popular - and most visible - of this secret Decipher sect is the one known only as Monitor#13.