Galadriel Takes her Driving Test

by Baron Wilderness

*The Elven Queen floats across the asphalt and glides gracefully into the seat next to her instructor*

Instructor: Good afternoon, and you are, *looks at list* Gabrielle right?

Galadriel: I am Galadriel.

Instructor: *Looks closer at list* Oh yes so it is. That's an unusual name, European is it?

Galadriel: It's Elvish actually.

Instructor: Oh sorry, *Scribbles on list and writes* E-L-V-I-S, right Elvis we'll start off with some standard questions I think.

Galadriel: What did you call me?

Instructor: You just said your name was Elvis!

Galadriel: My NAME is Galadriel, it is an ELVISH name, ELVISH.

Instructor: Oh, right, I thought it was a bit weird what with you being a girl and everything. Sorry.

Galadriel: Never mind, ask me your questions.

Instructor: Right, if you're approaching a green light and it turns red, what should you do?

Galadriel: *To self* Hmm, I remember something about green being good, which I can totally understand, and the red could be the evil eye of Sauron sooo.. *Aloud* I would summon the great Elven armies of old to take up arms and destroy the Dark Lord's evil illumination.

Instructor: Er.. no, it was stop, just stop.

Galadriel: Oh blast, that would've been my next guess.

Instructor: Ok, not to worry, next question, when you first get into your car what three things should you check before starting it.

Galadriel: Easy peasy, remember to check for orcs hiding in the back, make sure you've got enough Lembas and er something to do with trees isn't it?

Instructor: Not really no, its check your seat adjustment, guages and mirror.

Galadriel: Oh of course! I should have got that last one, how else will you know whether to bother going out if you don't check your mirror first to see things that were, things that are yada yada yada, *slaps own wrist* I won't forget THAT one again!

Instructor: Erm, I think you mis-understand, you have to check this mirror here. *points to rear-view mirror*

Galadriel: Ooh, that's cute isn't it, what do you see in it.

Instructor: You see what's behind you.

Galadriel: Oh mine does that, it does present and future too, kind of like Scrooge without the ghosts

Instructor: I'm sorry, I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.

Galadriel: Don't sweat it human, not many do.

Instructor: Er, well, question then. What does this road sign mean? *He holds up the sign for 'children crossing' ie. a silhouette of an adult holding a childs hand*

Galadriel: Ah, now, I know this one.... it's.....'Accompany hobbits on dangerous quests at all times'?

Instructor: What !?!

Galadriel: 'Escort Dwarves from forest at all costs'?

Instructor: No no no

Galadriel: 'Allow hobbits and dwarves into dangerous forests only when .. er..'

Instructor: *Interupting* Enough! Look, you haven't prepared for this at all have you?

Galadriel: No, not really, my husband booked it last week you see. He had a bit of trouble dealing with it and didn't get round to finishing the story till yesterday.

Instructor: Oh dear, perhaps we could try again another day, what have you got planned for next friday?

Galadriel: *Looks at diary* Now let's see, Tuesday- Arwen's coming over for some help with her sewing... Wednesday- I think I just left that open for some diminishing.. Thursday- is laundry day, must remember to get some of that stuff that removes dribble stains from Celeborns robes.. and Friday- I've got down as 'Remain Galadriel and pass into the west', but I think I'll blow that off and wait for the weekend.

Instructor: Might be more traffic at the weekend.

Galadriel: Yeah but it's supposed to be nicer weather for travelling so I think I'll take the risk.. so... yes, next Friday is fine, see you then.

Instructor: Ok, see you next week Elvis.