Merry is Mad
A Hobbits in the Closet story.
It seems to me that some characters like to give their opinion about
the Film of the Year (great jobs by awesome writers!), so I thought I
would pull this out again for the occasion.
For those who are not familiar with HitC, they are little stories I
write for PippinsPrecious and BabyBaggins about Merry and Pippin living
in my wardrobe and coming out every now and then to teach them a wise
lesson. So don't expect a literary highlight, my dears!
MERRY IS MAD (alternative title: 'Hint hint PJ')
It was Thursday the first of January when the door of a small apartment
in Amsterdam swung open, and a tired, but cheerful-looking head peeped
“Happy new year, Pippin!” said the girl to the Hobbit who was sitting
on the bed, and she went over to him and kissed him on the top of his
“Happy new year, Mara!” said Pippin with his mouth full of leftover pastries. “Did you have a good time at your family’s house?”
“I did, thank you,” said Mara, taking off her coat. “And you?”
Pippin shrugged. “Well, to tell you the truth, it wasn’t really all
that enjoyable, even though the fireworks were great, and the food you
left was delicious. But what’s the good of it if I have to watch and
eat all alone?”
“You mean he didn’t even come out for New Year’s Eve?” asked Mara, astonished.
Pippin shook his head sadly. “Hasn’t come out since we came back from the city last saturday.”
“Well, I never…” grumbled Mara, as she walked to the wardrobe, opened
its door a little, and sat cross-legged on the floor. “Merry? Merry
dear, won’t you come out now?”
“No,” came a sullen voice from within the wardrobe. “Go away.”
“You let Pippin sit alone tonight, and now you won’t even come out to wish me a happy new year?” asked Mara sweetly.
“It isn’t New Year for another three months yet, Mara,” said Merry’s
voice. “Everyone knows that’s on March the twenty-fifth. You of all
people should know.”
“I know,” said Mara patiently. “But here we celebrated it tonight.
You’ve missed some good stuff, I heard, Merry. There were fireworks,
and lots of food. Come to think of it, there must be some apple pie
left somewhere. Don’t you want to come out and have some?”
There was a long, thoughtful pause.
Mara got up and made a gesture of exasperation. Pippin, however, tugged at her sweater.
“This is beginning to get alarming,” he said with wide eyes. “I think
you should call for a healer, or perhaps Aragorn. He’ll know what to
do, I’m sure.”
“No he won’t,” cried a voice from inside the wardrobe. “And you can’t
be sure that he’s a healer, seeing as how they cut the Houses of
Healing out, and that wonderful scene of him healing me in a very
dramatic way. That scene isn’t in, so you can’t ever be sure about
that, ever, Pippin Took!” His voice became higher-pitched with every
Mara sighed. “Oh dear, I think I know what this is about.” She kneeled
in front of the wardrobe again. “Merry? Are you upset because of the
“No, indeed!” came Merry’s voice again. “Why should I be upset about
such a small thing as three of my major scenes being cut, and me barely
being seen in my armour at all while I do look so handsome in it, and
not getting to be Captain, and not getting to say ‘as a father you
shall be to me’, and all that stuff? Why in the world would I be upset
when everyone is rooting for poor Frodo and heroic Sam and clever
Pippin, and I am no one’s favourite?”
“You’re my favourite,” said Mara immediately. “Doesn’t that count?”
“I mean people who see the movie and haven’t read the books,” said
Merry in a sulking voice. “Who helped Éowyn kill that black
fellow? That’s right, meeee. But who gets the glory? She does. But I
can do something, you know. I would have kicked that big ugly-looking
“But surely there must be something that you liked?” interrupted Mara.
“Your Green Dragon song, for instance. Now that was so much fun, and
very well sung, too!”
“Well it would be, if it weren’t for Mr. Angel-voice over there,
stealing all the musical glory with that yammering of his!” yelled
Mara stood up and said in a stern voice: “now Merry, that is not very
nice of you. Pippin did a beautiful job on that song, so don’t you go
picking on him just because he got more screentime than you!”
This was obviously a mistake. The door of the wardrobe slammed shut and
Merry refused to say anything else or to open the door again.
Mara sighed and sat down on the bed, offering Pippin the almost-empty
bowl of party food leftovers. “Oh well, he’ll come round, I’m sure,”
she said. “I don’t think he’ll let us eat all of this by ourselves.”
She looked down at Pippin. “By the way, what did you think of the film, Pip?”
Pippin beamed up at her. “I thought it was terrific! It’s great to see
how all is well again in the end. Well, I knew that already, of course,
but it was still a great relief. And seeing Strider… I mean Aragorn,
and Gandalf and Gimli and Legolas and all that big folk uniting and
fighting for what is good made my heart swell with pride to know that
they are my friends! But I am even more proud of Frodo and Sam. Aren’t
they just the best and bravest Hobbits in the whole world?”
Mara smiled and ruffled his hair. “They sure are, but don’t forget
Merry and yourself. You two were also very brave. You really grew up in
this film, didn’t you? And what quality you both showed! My, I am so
proud of you boys!”
Pippin went red in the face. “Well, I didn’t do that much, really.
Merry now, he was a real hero! Did you see how he stabbed that Witch
King fellow? That took my breath away, it did. While all that I could
do is look for him on the battle-field afterwards. It tore my heart out
to see him in such pain. And thinking that he might die, and then our
last conversation would have been about me being so stupid to look into
the Palantír…” Pippin shivered.
Mara nodded. “I could feel your fear, Pip. But Merry is strong, and he
came back to you. Speaking of the Palantír, those scenes you had
at Edoras were really good also, even though they weren’t supposed to
take place there of course. I think the scene by the stables is my
favourite in all the movie, even though it tears me up to see you cry.”
Pippin nodded thoughtfully. “That was a very good scene indeed, though…
I hated to be parted from Merry, of course. He is like my other half,
and I felt so empty without him. But I’m sure he felt no such thing,
being so strong and confident as he is.”
“Of course I felt the same, you silly Took,” said a soft voice.
Merry was standing by the door of the wardrobe, smiling, dressed in his
Rohirrim armour. Mara gave a small yelp and Pippin automatically
grabbed the Empire Magazine and started fanning her with it.
“Why do you always do that?” he said in mock exasperation. “You know how she gets when she sees you like this.”
Merry grinned mischievously and jumped onto the bed, grabbing a piece
of apple pie from Mara’s plate. The girl, mastering herself again, sat
up and ruffled Merry’s hair affectionately. The Hobbit looked up at her
with twinkling eyes and his mouth full of apple.
“Now this is the Merry I know,” she said happily. “You see? There are
people who appreciate your bravery and your part in the history of
Middle-Earth. Their quantity does not really matter. In fact, I’d
rather have it this way,” she said with a glint in her eye. “That way I
can have you all to myself.”
Merry laughed. “I suppose I just needed a reminder. But you’re right, I
shouldn’t go sulking about the things I didn’t see, because the things
I did see were really very wonderful.”
“That’s right,” said Mara, and leaned over to whisper in his ear: “and
don’t forget about the Extended DVD. I still foresee a lot of bravery
in that from your part, Magnificent Master Meriadoc.”
Merry’s grin broadened, and he put an arm around Pippin. “Oh, and Pip, I think your song is wonderful, really.”
“You do?” said Pippin, his eyes shining.
“Yes. Probably even my favourite,” said Merry. “After our Green Dragon song, of course,” he added with a playful nudge.
“Naturally,” said Pippin. “Speaking of which, what say you to another round of that, Master Brandybuck?”
“Certainly, Master Took,” said Merry with a bow.
“Wait!” cried Mara as she hurried to get her notebook. “I need to write the words down, because I want to learn the song, too!”
“Very well,” cried Merry, “but we won’t repeat it slowly, just so you
know. So you just pay close attention, if you can do that on New Year’s
Morning that is, Mistress Sunshine!”
And with this he and Pippin began jumping up and down on the bed, and they started singing:
“Oh you can search far and wide
You can drink the whole town dry…”
By this time Mara was laughing so hard at their antics that she forgot
all about her notebook, and so she still could not learn the song.
So she and the Hobbits were forced to go and see the film again.
O, what a punishment.