THE LOTHLORIEN FOUNDATION RING-BEARER’S APPEAL
It’s no fun being a Ring-Bearer…
Have you ever thought, as you sit in your comfy Hobbit-Hole, smoking your
pipe after your third breakfast, how it would feel to drag around a burden like
The One Ring…?
It feels hefty enough as you set out through the snow and ice and wind and
Ring-Wraiths and Orcs… but imagine how it feels to trek up the slopes of
Mount Doom, with the thing getting heavier every step….
The is the kind of suffering we, at the Lothlorien Foundation, hope to eliminate.
We run regular bus-services to the foothills of Mount Doom, and in time plan to
buy our own mini-bus. An increased supply of funds would enable us to build
cable-car services to the more popular Cracks of Doom, with purpose-built
hatches to allow the Ring-Bearer to simply lean out and drop his ring down into
the void of his choice.
Way-stations could be provided along major routes into Mordor, supplying
Companions with much-needed Elven Eva-Clean underwear, Orc-Alert™
Swords and Nike Bladestopper© Mithril shirts.
Ten cents from you could buy a week’s supply of Kentucky Fried Lembas™
(Elven waybread) for a hungry Ring-Bearer. Fifty cents could feed an entire
Fellowship.
For two hundred dollars we could arrange for him to have his ring dropped by
remote control.
Virtual Rings could be made available for those who, through no fault of their
own, are too morally weak to undertake a Quest. (Yes, Boromir, we ARE
looking at you!!)
BUT IT ALL COSTS MONEY!!!
Please send dollars, pounds or odd bits of mithril NOW to:-
Mrs. G.A.Ladriel,
The Lothlorien Foundation,
Behind the Water Pipes,
Sauron’s Place,
MORDOR.
And we will assign to you your own personal Ring-Bearer, passing on the
GOOD NEWS when he drops the ring down the Cracks of Doom, (or the
BAD NEWS when he gets himself tortured to death by Sauron.) Either way,
you will have contact with the Ring-Bearer you have helped
WE ARE FORTUNATE NOT TO HAVE THIS DOOM LAID UPON
US....
NOW WE CAN HELP OTHERS WHO HAVE...
