Recipe for a Happy Ringer
1 big screen theatre with a good sound system
1 seat, just where you like to sit
1 short preview, no commercials added
1 Fellowship of the Ring movie (from your pantry, saved from 2001)
1 Two Towers movie (from your pantry, saved from 2002)
1 Return of the King movie (recipe to follow)*
1 box of Kleenex tissues or generic substitute
*The Return of the King ingredient, from scratch:
1 classic of literature, books five and six, plus appendixes
1 screenplay, modified from the above ingredient
1 short, fat, bearded, barefooted New Zealand director (no substitutes)
1 cast of actors and actresses, including the following: Viggo Mortenson, David Wenham, Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, etc., the complete list is on the box. Take extra care when adding this ingredient, make sure none of the cast gets left behind in the box. Shake it to be sure.
Put all in a very large bowl and stir vigorously.
Pour into a large pan and gently smooth the top.
Bake carefully, without opening the oven door.
When done, cool on rack. Add to the above Recipe for a Happy Ringer.
How to finish the Happy Ringer: layer the ingredients with extreme caution, serve with pride.