The Toybiz Addictby Varda
The Toybiz Addict.....a sad tale
My name is Varda....
All; 'Hello Varda...'
'I used to be a quiet, law-abiding, industrious member of society. I
didn't drink or smoke or have a life. Sorry! I didn't mean that last
one. My boss was glad to have such a punctual, conscientious worker. I
paid my car tax on time, helped blind people to cross the road and was
nice to dogs.
Then it began...
It all started with Aragorn on horseback in the gift box set. I saw it
in a toyshop window, and spent the next half hour getting up the
courage to enter a toyshop. I did not need to bother; there were no
kids in it, just furtive people in anoraks stealthily fingering boxes
of Toybiz figures.
I bought it and that opened the floodgates. I got Merry and the orc.
Then Pippin and the orc. Then Sam and Frodo in the boat. Then Boromir
and Lurtz. Then everything I could lay my hands on. By now I was
scouring Dublin by night, searching for toyshops. Boxes had begun to
pile up. They were in the bedroom, the living room, the kitchen, the
bathroom. They towered over the bed in the guest room, threatening to
crush visitors if they sneezed in their sleep. The budgies were
worried, they couldn't see out the window.
I had the compulsion in its worst form; The Unopened Box Sub-Strain. I
could not bear to open the boxes. I bought a second of everything to
have one to play with and one in the box, then could not open the
second box. As the collection grew space shrank, so now visitors have
to scramble across a great mountain of boxes.
I knew I needed help when I was talking to a customer about our moot
last week. She had her smart-aleck little boy with her. He said;
'What did you do when you were away?'
'Well..' I said 'I did sightseeing, and in the afternoons we played with our toys...'
Exit smart-aleck kid, screaming.....
On second thoughts, I don't want a cure, I just want Boromir in Gondor Armour......The One Toy.....