The Battle of the Millenium: Militant Spongers Vs. The Muumuu Brigade

by Lightpoet

(Scene: A battlefield of some description. The proud ranks of the Militant Spongers approach on one side as the equally proud ranks of the Muumuu Brigade approach on the other. A few moderators stand around for a while, pretending to be neutral.)

Gen. Goldberry: Stand by!

Lt. Lightpoet: Do we have to?

Gen. Goldberry: Yes!

Pvt. Primula: Don't you know how to take an order, Lightpoet?

Lt. Lightpoet: (sighing) I could have gone to West Point, but nooo....

Col. RangerJex[I gave up on that whole alliteration thing]: Can we charge yet?

Corp. Redbeard: No.

Col. RangerJex: Can we charge yet?

Lt. Lightpoet: No.

Col. RangerJex: Can we charge yet?

Gen. Goldberry: No...oh, what the hey! Charge!

(The leader of the Muumuu Brigade, Gen. Ghostwood, looks over at the ranks of the Militant Spongers.)

Gen. Ghostwood:...Hey, are they charging us?

To be continued...

Next time: The Muumuu Brigade realizes that someone is charging them, and the Militant Spongers learn the importance of charging in moderation!


The Militant Spongers Vs. The Muumuu Brigade part 2: And the pointlessness continues

[Note: I am putting people on sides almost randomly, so don't be offended if you end up on the "wrong" side...even though I consider myself a sponger, I'm trying to be neutral while writing the story. How I will end this thing, I have no idea. I also have no idea why we would be attacking each other in the first place, since we're all pals here. Right?
Right! Ok, now on to the stupidity!]

(Scene: same battlefield as before, same setup, pretty much. The Muumuu Brigade has just noticed that the Militant Spongers are attacking them.)

Gen. Ghostwood: Hey...is someone charging us?

Lt. ToElf: I think so, dude.

Lt. ValkyrieCrush: Dude, we're being attacked, dude!

Lt. ToElf: Sweet!

Lt. VC: Dude!

Lt. ToElf: Sweet!

Lt. VC: Dude!

Lt. ToElf: Sweet!

Gen. Ghostwood: Stop that! (he hits them and they stop)

Pvt. Wringwraith: So...shouldn't we be defending ourselves or something? Just a suggestion...

Gen. Ghostwood: I'm giving the orders here! Now, on the count of three, we charge...one....two...wait for it!!...three! CHARGE!

(They charge. Just then, the moderators notice that something's up.)

Warbird: Hey, are they attacking each other?

Took: I think so.

Warbird: Shouldn't we be trying to stop it? I mean, we are moderators. Isn't this kind of in our department?

Rosie: Not really. I'm pretty sure we're just to warn them about the little stars, but I think it's all right if they try to slaughter each other.

Warbird: Oh. Well, then I'm gonna go take a nap.

Took: Ok. Later.

(Took waits until Warbird is gone, then promptly dons a muumuu and joins Gen. Ghostwood's ranks.)

Took: Heeheehee! Losers!

Rosie: Hey! Don't leave me all alone!

(Just then, Sean Astin walks up to her, wearing only a T-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts.)

Sean Astin: Have you seen my pants anyplace?

(Rosie shrieks with delight, grabs Sean Astin by the hand, and runs off, presumably to find him a new pair of pants.)

To be continued...

Next time: The reinforcements arrive, and Sean Astin finds his pants. And some other stuff too, if I have nothing better to do.