More Tales from the Sponge

by Dandy B

Spending a day at Prancing Pony - or how to waste time while your boss is in meetings all day-

For me, the day started off as it usually does just (chuckle) Dandy. A glance out the window, a pot of hot tea and seed cake or two swiped from Primula's window. Mmm, perfect again. That was a terrible storm we had blow through here last night. Might need to check on the garden before heading off to open the Pony. Oh dear the beanpoles are knocked over, and the corn is flattened. It has been ages since a storm like this happened in The Shire. Will have to talk to Sam tonight to see if there is anything I can do for the corn, he'll know if it's salvageable or not. Hmm, I wonder if Rosie will get upset with me. I still have that crush on him and Frodo and well she knows it, to have them both to herself up there at Bag End has made all us girls jealous. Well anyway I need to get to The Pony to open it up. Shall I walk or ride. Hmm better ride, to muddy to do otherwise. On Jeep_Wrangler, my favorite pony.

This ride to the Pony always takes me by Goldberry's house. If she's awake maybe we can share some of her purple elixir before I start work. No, I best just leave a note on her door and have her meet me at the Pony later. It will take all morning to get to Bree as it is, and if the place is like a normal morning than we'll have a time getting it ready for the early morning spongers.

Well, am I surprised, must have been a slow night at the Pony last night. The storm must have kept the people at home because the mess wasn't as bad this morning. There were tree limbs down all over the West Road. The only disturbance inside the Pony today is Gimili the dwarf is passed out in the corner. Will need to keep an eye on that one, for all his size, he is a quite a troublemaker in here. Ah at last they come dressed in the latest muu'muu attire. Old Gaffer, Marsaili, Ms Pip, Sarielou, VC and can it be Cousin Stef. Welcome all. Drinks all around. Old Gaffer banging on the bar, shh we want to let sleeping dwarves lie. So as the spongers begin anew the conversations that have gotten us a bad reputation. In through the door breezes one of the Chief Spongers Dr. Goldberry herself toting along Frodo. 'Hi Eyes. Hi Goldie, I missed you this morning'. Oh dear who let her slip behind the bar. (Hands in pockets, looking at ceiling, whistling aloud) a Vodka Plum Squash for all, yum. As usual purple spots are now flying deliriously around the bar-(chuckle). Boy is Gimili going to be peeved when he wakes up-serves him right though. Passing out like that. You know, I think aloud in wonder, I never noticed it before, in that repose and covered in purple spots he looks just like GHOSTWOOD. So that's where he's been hiding, it's him hanging out with the dust bunnies under the bar. And here we thought he was in Mexico wearing an inside-out muu'muus.

After lunch once again the bar is quiet, Frodo is looking very pale. Is it a shadow of the past showing up again? Might send a rider to Sam to come and get him, wish we could do something for him, makes me cry to think of Those Eyes full of pain. Goldberry has snuck off again, said she will come back later for a tale or two. She must have been very busy to leave Mr. B. alone with me, with only Ms. Pip and LilBaggins to look after him. Ahh, time to fill a couple more pints, I so like being the bartender from time to time hear at the Pony. Primula has come. Glad she didn't see the mess we made earlier with the purple passion drink. Really should send a rider after Sam. Maybe him and Rosie can make sure Frodo gets home safe. Couldn't trust myself if they left him here at the inn all night. Mr. B's eyes are just too blue, I get lost in them every time he looks my way.

Well since now that I have spent the day accomplishing absolutely nothing with the exception of keeping the bar glasses full, listening to some jokes, helping Goldberry sponge a certain Hobbit, and writing this piece of dribble I can go home with a happier heart tonight, it has been a long week and I am mighty glad it is almost over, waiting ever so impatiently for croakie-okie night at the Pony.

Dandy Baggins

Excerpt From the diary of Dandy Baggins.

Yesterday was a perfect spring day. Showed up for a quick pint (or two) at the Pony where I chanced upon a game of pick your desert. Tied to the desert was a Blind date. Oh boy, I thought, this could be fun. Little did I know how much fun. Looking at the list of deserts I saw my favorite. A tub of Cool Whip; that's all I wanted (that and a big spoon). The girls waited with baited breath to see who was going to be matched up with whom. Wonder and surprise overcame me, not to mention a bit of that hobbit shyness, when I found out that of all the gentleman there I was matched up with Frodo Baggins, with his matching tub of Cool Whip. Rapidly and now belatedly apologetically to the ladies at the Pony, amidst all the teasing of not wearing stilettos and not taking golden rings, I pulled Frodo away from the Pony to go for a ride.

Letting my pony Jeep_Wrangler wander at will. I sat with Frodo in the cart, as we finished the big spoon and tubs of Cool Whip. Suddenly the cart came to a stop. Frodo looked up in surprise. J_W had wandered where I knew she would go, it being a frequent trip for us, the old apple orchard northwest of Bree. I hopped down in the most unladylike fashion, and Frodo laughing, hopped down too.

What are we doing here? He asks.
Why it's my secret hiding place, my get away from the bustle at the pony. I replied.

I led him through the still flowering trees, and preceded to throw flowers petals at him, which clung to his curly locks. How sweet he looked with the flowers in his hair. (Sigh) I was rapidly falling under the spell of his sparkling blue eyes. He took some of the branches and wove me a crown of flowers to wear. Placing it on my head suddenly he kissed me. I thought I was going to melt. (Yep, definitely, sigh) Momentarily I was trapped in a frozen world of baby blues. Then I recovered and realized he was trying to stammer out an apology. Placing a finger on his lips, I shook my head and kissed him back. We spent the next few okay several hours hand in hand walking under the trees with the flowers in our hair. What a magical time, that was. We talked about little things, books we have read, songs we have heard, the elves we had met in our wanderings about The Shire, places we have been, to my surprise this Gentle Hobbit was as nearly as well traveled as myself. Must be because of the love of Uncle Bilbo's stories, which we shared, the journey begins with a single step. All in all it was a perfect date. It was all so simple and oh, so wonderful. I felt like a tweenager again. He made me blush; for so many times he caught me staring into his beautiful blue eyes.

After awhile, he asked me out for dinner. Of course, I accepted. We went to the Green Dragon, not wanting to get to go back to the busy, and teasing crowd of the PP. There we sat with Rosie and Sam, and had a wonderful boiled dinner of ham hock's, cabbage and potatoes and apples. He is leaving for his new Crickhollow home in a few days, and asked me if I would stop by and visit him every so often on my way to the PP, of course I agreed. Sam gave him a funny look at the time. Then we danced. Oh how we danced. Old songs and new, fast and slow. And the one that I will always remember most of all The Happy Frodo Mambo dance. He kissed me one last time. And it still causes my toes to curl (sigh.) Yep most definitely, I will stop by his little Crickhollow house on my way to the Prancing Pony. That night we spent the evening in my little hot tub, under the full moon. Drinking wine and laughing. What a perfect spring day.

Excerpt From the diary of Frodo Baggins.

Stop Staring at me...
What's up with the flowers...
Stop staring at me..
note to not linger at Crickhollow..


Lord of the Rings Super bowl
Welcome to the Mines of Moria. Site of Middle Earth Superbowl #1.
Today we had a great show for you The Fellowship of the Ring versus Sauron's Minions; Goldberry and Tom Bombadil conduct half time festivities, which will include a rousing performance of Ring-a-ding-dillo, and spectacular display of fireworks, ala Gandalf the Gray.

Highlights from the 1st quarter of play:

Bill the Pony kicks off.
The Watcher in the Water is lying deep in his own territory.
He is running a one-man offence back there.
He fumbles on the return.
It's the Fellowships ball.
They are inside the gate.
Oh did you see that hit,
Watcher in the Water has knocked down the entire Hobbit receiving line.
What an animal.
He has Quarterback Frodo Baggins in his grasp.
Now it's a pile up on Watcher in the Water.
The entire three-man front is up there.
What a scrape, they're really slashing and diving in there.
Fumble Fellowship, looks like their QB is out for the rest of this quarter.
Wow, Frodo Baggins was sure shaken up by that play.
And another unfortunate set back for the Fellowship
They aren't going to see Bill The Pony for the remainder of the game.
Seems he made himself ill, by eating the artificial grass.

End 1st quarter score: Fellowship 0 Minions 7

Second quarter its all Fellowship.
Driving stealthily down the field, almost like the Minions aren't even around.

At the half it's Fellowship 7 Minions 7

Lets listen in on the Fellowship.
They seem to have gotten lost on the way to the locker room.
There seems to be a serious pep talk between Coach Gandalf and his star QB Frodo Baggins.
Receiver's Sam Gamgee, Merry Brandybuck, and Pippin Took are looking for power bars.
The entire three-man frontline is bruised from the scrape with the Watcher in the Water.
And Running back Legolas Greenleaf hasn't even been put into play.
Ah they have finally found their locker room.
Seems all they had to do was to follow Gandalf's nose.
The smell led them right to it.

Lets listen in on the Minion's
Man do they sound hungry for a victory.

Now a brief word with the coaches:
'Coach Sauron, what primary piece of advice did you give your Minions?'
'Coach Gandalf, what was that piece of advice you gave to QB Baggins?'

TALES FROM THE SPONGE - You can't take that 6'1" dwarf anywhere.

It was finally Friday and the week was so very long. End of month's shipments kept me at work until 7 most nights and on the 31st until 11:30. Enough was enough DandyB went TILT. Told the boss I wasn't coming in Friday, needed to catch up on some sleep, and needed to attempt to get rid of a nagging cough. However, I began the day as usual catching up on the previous nights postings from our friends across the Bywater. Barliman Butterbur had a wonderful buffet spread for us that morning. I spent the morning sharing nursery rhymes with the morning crew and filling up the corner when a glance at the watch told me I could make the noon matinee if I left at that moment. Well, who, other than Frodo, can resist the pull of the ring? I left without a moment's hesitation. Going by myself was such a wonderful experience the first time that I decided to do that again. Saddling Jeep_Wrangler took no more than a second, waving at the patrons of the Prancing Pony away I went.

I arrived at the movie theatre with time to spare. I was in the act of hitching Jeep_Wrangler to the post when out of the saddlebags jumped Gimili, the 6'1" dwarf. Just great. Who snuck him into my saddlebags, must have been ToElf or Sindarleaf, they are always freeing him from the bar. And weren't they chuckling together in the corner when I left? Oh dear, just what I didn't need here company and his especially. Sigh. I couldn't leave him to roam the streets of Dallas; he would get into too much trouble if he discovered the Harry Hines, um, er, arts district. Still I like that little braid in his beard. At least he learned something from his travels with Lego-the-eggo. He has cleaned up a little bit; at least he keeps his beard clean. I grabbed the extra roll of duct tape from the saddlebags, just in case. I threw a lasso around him and dragged him away from a few gawking truant teenagers and into the theatre. Strange, looks I received from the ushers as I pulled the struggling dwarf into the three quarters empty theatre. I tied him to a seat and went to the counter for popcorn, BIG MISTAKE. I returned and found that he had already gnawed his way out of the ropes. Drat that dwarf. Spent the next few minutes searching under the seats for him. SIGH. He kept crawling under the seats and tickling the feet of the other patrons. OH DEAR. If I had known he was going to be a handful I would have left him with the truant teenagers, or with the strangely attired ladies on Harry Hines. The things I do to protect the citizenship of Dallas. I finally got him sitting in a seat chomping happily on my bucket of popcorn, well if that will keep him happy and quiet, it was worth the sacrifice. The preview rolled...Hurray no Austin Power's trailer, this time. Looking aside at the 6'1" dwarf beside me I sighed in relief, not sure if any amount of popcorn would have soothed him if he saw that trailer.

I glanced at the dwarf; the popcorn was empty. Oh dear. Do I need to worry about him now? Forget it, the movie was on. He was still and quiet until Galadrial appeared. Oh dear I forgot. Thankfully she was on screen only briefly. He leaned over and licked my nose (cringe, what's up with that you stupid dwarf) I backhanded him. Well he settled down and for few minutes he was okay until the prologue fight scene with the orcs began and then to my utter amazement and complete humiliation he jumped up in his chair and yelled KHAZAD, KHAZAD.I hissed at him sit down and be quiet, while trying to ignore the stares of patrons around us in the theatre. I spent the next few minutes wondering WHERE'S SAURON WHEN I REALLY NEED HIM? I finally got him back seated into his chair. And we had a few more minutes of peace all the way until he started grumbling about the blasted elves in Rivendell, that was until I reminded him that Legolas, his friend was one of those "blasted elves", well he sneered at me, and made a comment that Lego didn't come from Rivendell, but it did put him in his place and he was quiet again until we reached Moria.

Before I could stop him, he once again jumped on the seats yelling KHAZAD, KHAZAD. And then he was waving around that bathtub paddle that ValkyC gives to him. Enough was enough. I ended up having to trust to the handy roll of duck tape again, and taped him into his seat. Then once again Galadrial appears on the screen for a longer amount of time, a slobbering dwarf is not a pretty picture, a slobbering dwarf duct taped in a theatre seat is even worse. I glanced at him and again he licked the end of my nose (cringing and shuddering even more) STOP IT I yelled using my best SAURON VOICE. There that put him in his place, for the rest of the movie he sat meekly in his chair. And I happily was able to enjoy the rest of the movie.

I returned to the Prancing Pony to find TOE and Sindarleaf chuckling over their beers. I left the dwarf in the corner with a fresh haunch of oxen and a pint. Then went to TOE's table and punched Lego in the nose.

What was that for, he asked?

That's for letting the girls put the dwarf in my saddlebag, and for not teaching said dwarf any manners in your travels.

Speaking of which I need to duck tape him back to the bar. He's doing those strange things with the dust bunny in the corner...again...