Tales From the Sponge: Can't you Control Your Clone

by Dandy

The Satchel Pack: Arabee, Rhi, Goldberry and Dandy were sitting in the Prancing Pony one winter afternoon sharing a bottle of Merlot and discussing the finer points of Frodo's eye color. When Goldberry decided to end the argument and brought out Frodo from her satchel. While the girls were scrambling for the nearest sponge, Frodo merrily drank a pint of Rainbow Goop supplied by Firi and Niph as a joke.

"What does this drink make you do?" asked Frodo as he floated up to the rafters.

" Hmm., I guess that answers that question." as he floated by one of the chandeliers.

The girls stopped their scrambling and began bemoaning the fact that their beloved Frodo was now seen floating overhead, instead of sitting quietly at the table with them. At that moment in walked Lithy-que with her rope. Gracefully she tossed it up to Frodo who wisely tied it around the nearest rafter and his waist. Grabbing a glass she joined the girls at the table and added another bottle of merlot. And watched as the ever popular Frodo began to display feats of aero-acrobatics. The usual Pony antics were about to begin when suddenly through the door burst ToElf, Legolas, VC and Gimili. They came in dragging a strange green box, which they proceeded to set up in the corner of the bar.

"What's that?" exclaimed Barliman Butterbur "and why is it in my bar?"

Trotting in with Mr. Microphone came Primula. " I have a new poem at..." she began, but was unable to finish her sentence before ToElf grabbed the mic out of her hands.

"I WISH TO MAKE AN ANNOUCEMENT," she yelled into the mic as the patrons quickly covered their ears. "Oops sorry, I didn't mean to blow your eardrums out. VC and I have decided to end this fight over poor Frodo once and for all." Not noticing that Niph and Firi were sliding a sack over her own bewildered Legolas. " What we have invented is a Handy:: cough cough:: Dandy Cloning Machine, designed to supply each of you with your own Fellowship Member. Complete with matching tattoo. Who will be our first vict-::cough cough:: participant."

Looking around the room at the staring hungry eyes of the fair Lady Arwens. Aragorn eyed the machine skeptically. "Are you sure its safe?" he asked.

"Why of course," Toe said, tearing Legolas away from Niph and Firi. "Just watch". Without warning she pushes Goldberry into the machine and out the other side pops two Goldberrys.

"Oh dear" cries Dandy, "how are we ever going to tell them apart?"

"Easy" says one "just call me Goldenberry instead."

"Well, grab a wine glass and come join us," said Arabee.

Aragorn seeing no visible harm was done to the Goldberry/Goldenberry twins bravely walked through the cloning machine. Suddenly there was two, then four, then eight Aragorns wandering around the Pony.

"Oh Joy." Cries Niphandrl as she pushes Legolas through the machine out pops two Niphs and two Legos.

"Ack" screams Firi. "Which one is mom?"

"Me" says Niphandrl.

"Just call me Niphandril," says the other.

"More wine! Please!" says Dandy and Rhi.

"OOOH Stereo." Exclaims Arabee.

Suddenly more and more Legolas appear. The hobbiteers come alive and soon there are too many Tooks and Brandybucks running around to count. Above it all floats Frodo. Still safely attached to the rafter by a slender Elven rope. At a small table the Satchel Pack watch in bemusement as the bar quickly fills with more and more clones. Goldenberry soon left the table to search out a Lego-clone of her own.

"Well this is getting interesting" says Arabee, eyeing the Frodo floating above the table.

"I agree." Says Goldberry (the real one)."But, how do we keep from over producing Eyes?"

The Satchel Pack was starting to see a panic ensue as labels were getting torn off and unclaimed, or unwatched clones were being absconded.

"I have an idea," Rhi says pointing to the Bath-tub Paddle of power hanging on the wall. "We just trash the machine after making 3 more Frodo-clones."

Swinging swiftly into action the Satchel Pack made a Pony Raid. Dandy grabbed the Bath-tub Paddle off the wall. Goldberry quickly downed a shot of Rainbow and floated up to Frodo. Arabee quickly grabbed Blender of Power that held the last of the Rainbow-elixir. And Rhi grabbed the satchels and ran to the exit end of the machine.

"Hi Eyes"

"Hi Goldie, I saw you gals conniving down there, what is up? And what does Dandy think she is going to do with the Bath-Tub Paddle, not something crazy like playing Piñata with me?"

"No silly, we are going to make three more of you, and then wreck that machine. That way I can have you all weekend by myself instead of having to share." "Well...okay...if you think it safe enough"

"Quite safe, I have been through without a scratch. And I won't let Dandy start swinging until we are well out of the way."

"Well okay then" Untying himself from the rope, Frodo flew through the machine three times. Quickly Rhi was stuffing Frodo's into satchels as soon as they popped out. As the last Frodo was coming out Dandy took a mighty swing with the Bath-Tub Paddle into the control panel of Cloning Machine.


The machine fell over dented. The control panel ruined.

Dandy and the Satchel Pack retreated to the table and another celebratory glass of wine.

"What a days work" said Dandy raising another glass of wine in toast.

"Oh my", says Prim as She, Rosie and Sam come rushing in From Middle Earth to see what the noise was.

ToElf in tears pointed at the Pack sitting in the corner, as Sister-Mel threw sponges around the room and FFaT avoided the glass as it was being flung towards the fireplace.

Barliman in outrage handed brooms to the Satchel Pack.

Rosie shook her head sadly and looked at Sam... " That group is nothing but trouble."