I Hate NOGs
by Baron Wilderness
For a definition of NOGs, see the Definitions page.
Well, no, that’s not technically true.
I don't hate NOGs, I just hate the word ... not that it’s even a word, which is part of the reason I hate it.
It’s just, well... what the bejeezers is it? I mean, I know what it STANDS for. (for
the longest time I thought it stood for ‘Night Owl Girls’, and was very
glad there wasn't a ‘Boys’ version for the nasty acronym that would
But what actually IS a NOG? … other than being…
a) the stuff you’d be left over with if you were to remove the egg from a certain yuletide drink,
b) the clan that Noggin the Viking belonged to, and...
c) an ugly bloke from Star Trek.
(Yes, Star Trek. A show, by the way, that
continues to insist that no matter where in the diverse and infinite
universe an alien species might originate, he still looks like a bloke
with some entrails glued to his head … badly. And before the Trekkoids
feel inclined to pipe up, I KNOW about the writers' sad attempt to
gloss over this by explaining how ‘all life derives from one humanoid
ancestor’ but I’m afraid, much like your average frenchman, this just
Now, where was I? ... oh yeah, the word NOGs.
Just the general acronyminity (my word)
of it gets on my nerves, it’s just not necessary. Not to mention the
fact that, this being a global community, any one of these ‘night owls’
could just as easily be someone posting at mid-day in Australia as it
could be a bleary eyed, late night candle burner ... or whatever.
And another thing, not many people know that anagrams can be very telling.
For example, ‘The Prancing Pony’ can be 'anagrammed' into ‘PC ranting, no hype’ Which gives you an excellent insight into what i have known from the beginning as the true purpose of this place. (though I’m not altogether sure what it means that it can also make ‘Ethnic Pop Granny’)
My illustrious name transforms into ‘Endless Brain Row’
I'm still working on the intricacies of what exactly that means too, so no comments there please.
Which brings me to the truth about NOGs.
NOGs an anagram of Snog, which is debaucherous, and therefore should be banned with absolute definitenessivity. (my word again).
But there’s more… and herein is the shocking truth… using my patented Anagram Sleuthing System (or A.S.S.) I have fathomed the true identity of these so called ‘NOGs’ … because ‘Night Owls Group’ is in fact, an anagram of ‘Pit Grown Ghouls’ !
Which means they’re not some harmless band of sociable insomniacs, THEY’RE ORCS!!!! Waaaa!
Ban 'em all!
Ban 'em all to Hades!!
Ban 'em all with big banners that say 'YOU
ARE BANNED' in 50 foot letters and write a song about how banned they
are and then band together a band of banjos and bang out the bannage
song 24/7 until its' banality forces ‘em to flee with bandages on their
Right, well, that’s all I have to say on that matter.
Slightly unrelated, but I seem to remember
the world being a much safer place to live in when the Muppet Show used
to be on telly. So I say, in the name of peace and harmony, bring back
the Muppets. Amen.