Inklets - Light...4

Serious 1  2  3  4  Light or Humorous 1  2  3 
Collections of vignette tales, too long for drabbles and too short for shorts.

Gondor Needs No Pants - Dinledhwen
Boromir's Follicles - Dinledhwen
Gollum and Smeagol at School - Harthad
For Butter and for Bacon - Harthad

Gondor Needs No Pants – An Inkling

Now Boromir was in such a hurry to be the first member of the Fellowship to reach the gate that he had forgotten an essential part of his clothing. However it didn’t take him long before he realized its non-existence when a cool breeze suddenly sprang up and blew past his bare legs.

Then Legolas joined him and began to grin from one pointy ear to another. “Apparently not only does Gondor need no king it needs no pants either!” the elf said with a mocking laugh.

Boromir glared back. “Are you always this annoying?”

“No. But for you I will make an exception.”

“Why don’t I feel honored by this?”

“You should. Like I said I just don’t do this for anyone.”

Boromir glared back again. “Well you can just stop doing it! Now if you will excuse me I need to go and…”

“Look Merry! Boromir has no pants on!” Pippin cried out in surprise as the two hobbits ran over to the man and elf.

“That’s because Gondor doesn’t need them,” Legolas chimed in impishly.

“I do to need them! I can’t leave Rivendell like this!” Boromir exclaimed.

“If that’s the case then Gondor also needs a King after the One Ring is destroyed,” the elf said softly in a gotcha tone of voice.

All Boromir could do now was angrily sputtered and spit as he tried to counter Legolas’ words the wisdom in them he obviously was refusing to acknowledge by the way he was acting. Then he quickly turned around and stomped back towards his room while he muttered under his breath something about ridding the elf of his pants and making him run through the streets of Minas Tirith in such a state of undress.

Meanwhile a confused Merry and Pippin were looking at one another.

“What was that all about?” Pippin asked Legolas who was still grinning from ear to ear. Now the elf wasn’t disappointed that his first attempt to point out what Gondor needed to Boromir had failed. After all he was sure he would have more opportunities to “annoy” the man with it as the Fellowship journeyed to Mount Doom.

“Just me being annoying is all,” he said while he gave the hobbits a cryptic smile before he moved over to where Gimli, Frodo, Sam, and Gandalf were waiting.

“I still don’t get it,” Pippin whispered to Merry as they followed after him.

“I don’t either. Elves are strange folk.”

“And men too. The very idea of leaving without your pants on is crazy!”

“It’s times like these that I’m glad to be a hobbit Pip.”

“Me too Merry! Me too!”

- Dinledhwen

Boromir’s Follicles

Boromir was about to fall asleep after the Fellowship had stopped for the first night when he heard a rhythmic swish, swish, swish start up. Then after lying there and listening to it for several minutes he pleaded loudly “Will you give it a rest!”

Now this produced only a moment of silence before the swishing continued.

“Are you going to do this every night?” Boromir demanded irritably.

“I must! I can’t let any fair maidens we meet see my hair in tangles!” Legolas replied earnestly while he brushed his hair.

“Oh joy!” Boromir shot back sarcastically before rolling over and plugging his ears.

“I can tell that you’re not thrilled about my hair brushing,” Legolas said while he continued doing it.

“Whatever gave you a clue that I wasn’t?” Boromir asked while not rolling over.

“Your sarcasm. But I can understand why you feel that way for it must be hard for someone like you who is challenged by lack of follicles to be seen next to me.”

“I’m not challenged by lack of follicles!” Boromir exclaimed in surprised while he rolled over. “Are you blind? I have a full head of hair!”

“You call that peach fuzz hair?”

“Peach fuzz!” Boromir exclaimed again while he wondered if Legolas had lost his mind.

Still Boromir reached up to reassure himself that he had hair and when he felt only a few wispy strands and bare skin, he quickly sat up while yelping loudly in fright, “I’ve gone bald!”

“You’ve gone where?” a sleepy Aragorn asked from next to him while a curious Legolas came over with his bow in his hand and not the brush Boromir had seen since it was still his turn to be on watch. Only then did the man from Gondor realize that he had been dreaming.

“Never mind,” he said to Aragorn as his male ego heaved a huge sigh of relief. Then he flopped back down onto his blanket.

Meanwhile Legolas shook his head and shrugged his shoulders as if to say “I don’t know either” while the Ranger looked at him for an explanation.

Men could be so puzzling to him at times that he doubted he would ever understand them fully.

- Dinledhwen

Gollum and Smeagol at School

Oh no my Precious, we don't like it.

Yes yes, Smeagol likes homework, precious.

Gollum does not like words, precious. They eat and eat and eat our brains up, yes.

You don't have any brains.

Teacher has brains. Teacher likes homework.

We do not have any homework, no precious.

****Teacher Says:*****

Gollum, Smeagol, do you have your homework? Why is it only half done?

No precious, we don't have homework.

Yes precious, we have homework we do.

*****Teacher Says:*****

Okay everyone, time for lunch! We have potatoes today, boil them, mash them and stick them in a stew!

(groan from Gollum and Smeagol)

- Harthad

For Butter and For Bacon

(An Interrupted Tale of sorts)

Everyone was very edgy at the Prancing Pony Inn today. There was talk of strange folk wandering the wilds, and monsters roaming about. And-

"Harthad! I've something to tell you!!"

I sighed, putting down my pencil on the table where I was working.

"What is it, Nob? Not more orcs?"

"No, nothing like that. There's a whole troop of-"

I leaped back in surprise as he fainted clean away. To add to the surprise, thunder boomed loudly. Very loudly, rattling the windows of the Inn.

Thunder? It's a hot day in the middle of May!

The door started creaking, swinging back and forth on it's hinges. Cups and saucers moved around on the tables. A few visitors started to get nervous.

By now, I was very very nervous.

The sound of a whole legion of feet reached my ears. What if there were actually orcs coming to invade? Primula wasn't here, Barliman wasn't here, and I had no idea what to do!!!

Lightning flashed, and thunder shook the windowpanes. Rain came down in buckets. Patrons fled for their lives.

The feet came closer, and closer, and I thought I could hear battle cries.

But they were unusually high-pitched for a troop of orcs. . .

The door flung open, and I was knocked backwards. My vision cleared, and I saw a group of hobbits, yes, hobbits, standing in a doorway. I stood up, not really towering over them.

"Where do you think you're-" My voice was cut off as one of them spotted the kitchen in the back.

The aroma of crispy bacon wafted through the whole inn. Buttered bread was sitting on a counter.

I got trampled once again as they ran towards the back, shouting,

- Harthad


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