I Have No Memory

by Dinledhwen

I started to write just one humorous drabble about an alternative outcome to Gandalf's faulty memory after he had said he had none while in Moria. Now this quickly progressed into this inkling when the ideas kept rolling in. Hopefully the darker ending will tie it all in with the darker events that happened after Gandalf had gotten his bearings.

I Have No Memory ~ An Inkling

“I have no memory of this place,” Gandalf said while the Fellowship stared at their bizarrely distorted images in the various mirrors which lined the walls of this hall in Moria.

“This can’t be good can it?” Pippin whispered to Merry.

“I would say not Pip,” Merry replied.

Meanwhile Gandalf had moved beyond the hall of mirrors and was now carefully walking on a narrow foot bridge in the next hall. Suddenly there was a great rush of air up from under him which caused his gray robe to fly up. Now this in turn revealed his radiate white thin legs and his boxer shorts that latter covered in a palantír print.

“Confound it all!” he muttered angrily to himself while he tried to wrestle it back down before he quickly moved past the rushing air.

“Now that definitely wasn’t good!” Pippin again whispered to Merry.

“What did you say?!” Gandalf snapped while he whirled around to face the hobbit.

“I said…um…that definitely wasn’t food!” Pippin stammered back.

“Hobbits…” was all Gandalf could say to that before the stairs under his feet suddenly changed into a slippery slide which dumped him on his rear in a most undignified fashion. Then he quickly slid out of sight into the gloom below them all the while protesting mightily about warped dwarvish humor.

“Gimli did you know anything about this?” Aragorn asked the dwarf who stood leaning on his axe and smiling.

“Aye I did. My cousin Balin loved to entertain his guests too besides providing a roaring fire and ripe meat off the bone!”

Legolas snorted.

“Oh and I suppose you think the elves could do better?” Gimli snapped.

“Of course!” Legolas replied. Then he smile mysteriously.

“Well don’t keep me in suspense! Tell me!”

“I’m not going to tell you anything! You’ll steal the idea!”

Now this led to the pair having a fierce argument about whether Legolas even had an idea.

“I wish I hadn’t picked going through the Mines of Moria,” Frodo said softly to Sam while both hobbits watched as it took Aragorn and Boromir to now keep Gimli from killing Legolas with his axe.

“I’m afraid you really had no choice in the matter Mr. Frodo. Mr. Tolkien wrote that you picked this way and no amount of poetic license will undo that,” Sam said comfortingly.

Frodo smiled back clearly relieved by Sam’s words. “I don’t know what I would do without you Sam.”

“Me neither and I mean no disrespect when I say that Mr. Frodo.”

“I know Sam.”

In the meantime Aragorn had calmed Gimli down enough so that the dwarf was willing to show them all another less slippery way down to Gandalf who was sitting at the foot of the slide while smoking his pipe.

“Look it’s not too late for us to still make for the Gap of Rohan!” Boromir said excitedly.

“Boromir I’m afraid that the only path left open to us is through this mine,” Gandalf said while he slowly hauled himself up onto his feet with help from his staff which he used to lean on. “And hopefully that path is a normal one from now on,” the wizard added while glaring at an apologetic looking Gimli.

“Then perhaps you can tell me what other reason anyone would put a sign over that yonder door that says “This way to the Gap of Rohan” if they didn’t mean for it to be an exit leading to it?” Boromir argued.

Now this had Gandalf stumped.

“Boromir we can’t go through the Gap! It’s too close to Isengard!” Aragorn reminded the man.

“I would rather take my chances going through it than fall victim to anything else in this mine!” Boromir countered before he walked boldly over to the door. Then he opened it. But what he saw beyond wasn’t the way out. Instead he saw racks upon racks of clothing for men, women, and children.

“It would appear that my cousin Balin was adding to the family business,” Gimli said thoughtfully while he stroked his beard.

“But why didn’t he call it the Gap of Moria?” Pippin asked while a disappointed Boromir closed the door.

“I don’t know but I’m sure whatever reason he had for naming it the way he did was based on sound judgment.”

Legolas snorted again. “A dwarf with sound judgment? You must be kidding right?”

“I’ll kid you up side the head with my axe if you keep that up!”

“Gentlemen will you cease this constant bickering! It is of no use to anyone!” Aragorn pleaded which curtailed their back and forth although when the Ranger turned his attention to Gandalf the elf and dwarf stuck their tongues out at each other.

After that Gandalf resumed his lead position once he discovered the right way by following the flow of fresh air and when the last member of the Fellowship had disappeared through what they thought was the true exit from this hall the ghost of Cousin Balin appeared before the sign. For several minutes it stood there contemplating it while stroking its beard like Gimli had.

“I guess I should have had the sign read “This way to the Gap of Rohan exit”. But it’s too late now! Yes much too late for them to avoid the same fate as mine!” the ghost said before laughing like a madman. Then it vanished and we all know what befell the Fellowship after that.