A song for the dwarf from the new hit musical My Fair Gimli. (My sincerest apologies to Alan Lerner).
Sung to the tune I Could Have Danced All Night.
Bed, Bed I couldn't go to bed
My head's to light to try to set it down
Sleep, Sleep I couldn't sleep tonight
Not for all the jewels in the crown
I could have fought all night
I could have fought all night
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before
I'll never know
What made it so exciting
Why all at once,
My heart took flight
I only know when they
Began to fight with me
I could have fought fought fought!
All night.
It's after three now
Don't you agree now
They ought to be dead
I could have fought all night
I could have fought all night
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before.
I'll never know
What made it so exciting.
Why all at once my heart took flight.
I only know when they
Began to fight with me.
I could have fought fought fought all night!
I understand, orc.
It's all been grand, orc.
But now it's time to die.
I could have fought all night,
I could have fought all night.
And still have begged for more.
I could have spread my wings,
And done a thousand things
I've never done before.
I'll never know
What made it so exciting.
Why all at once my heart took flight.
I only know when they
Began to fight with me
I could have fought fought fought
All night!
O the Mithril
(To the tune of O My Darling Clementine)
In a cavern, in a canyon,
Excavating for a mine
Dwelt the many sons of Durin
Seeking mithril o so fine.
Chorus:
O the mithril, O the mithril
O the mithril from the mine!
It is lost and gone forever:
Dwarven star no more to shine.
Lovely Moria, with that metal
Light yet hard as dragon scale -
Too deep, the dwarves they delved there:
What they woke made hearts to fail.
(Chorus)
Great the battles that travailed them,
Hard the beating, how they shook!
Finally fell the sons of Durin -
Back its own the Darkness took
(Chorus)
Hardy Balin tried to claim it
Desire of dwarves, that silver shine -
He was valiant, but he fell there,
Only Dark now keeps that mine.
(Chorus)
Mourn for Moria, mourn for mithril,
Son of Gloin, o grieving bow,
For the treasure of your people
Surely gone forever now.
(Chorus)
Wooohooo! A song for Gimli Day!
Khazad-dum
Sung by Gimli to Bob Seger's tune Katmandu!
I think I'm going to Khazad-dum.
That's really, really where I'm going to.
If I ever get out of here,
That's what I'm gonna do.
K-K-K-K-K-K Khazad-dum.
I think that's really where I'm going to.
If I ever get out of here,
I'm going to Khazad-dum.
I got no kick against the Shire Folk.
Friendly Hobbits are such good hosts.
I raise my ale glass and give them a toast.
I'm sure they know it's true.
I got no rap against Elrond’s estate.
Every time I've been here it's been great.
But now I'm leaving and I can't be late,
And to myself be true.
That's why I'm going to Khazad-dum.
Up to the mountain's where I'm going to.
And if I ever get out of here,
That's what I'm gonna do.
K-K-K-K-K-K Khazad-dum.
That's really, really where I'm going to.
If I ever get out of here,
I'm going to Khazad-dum.
I've got no quarrel with the Long Lake.
The folks there have given me a fair shake.
I've lived there all my life; I've ate their cake.
I sure have loved it, too.
I'm tired of looking at the elven lords.
I'm tired of staring hard and being bored.
I figure, Frodo, I've got nothing to horde.
I'm tired of being blue.
That's why I'm going to Khazad-dum.
Up to the mountain's where I'm going to.
If I ever get out of here,
That's what I'm gonna do.
K-K-K-K-K-K Khazad-dum.
Take me, Frodo, cause I'm going with you.
If I ever get out of here,
I'm going to Khazad-dum.
I ain't got nothin' 'gainst Lorien.
It is the home of the fair Galadhrim.
Though the elves are haughty and insolent.
The Golden Lady is aloof.
I know I'm gonna miss the fights and fray.
I guess I'll miss it every single day.
But no one loves me here anyway!
I know my path is true.
The one that's going to Khazad-dum.
Up to the mountain's where I'm going to.
If I ever get out of here,
That's what I'm gonna do.
K-K-K-K-K-K Khazad-dum.
Really, really, really, going to.
If I ever get out of here,
If I ever get out of here,
If I ever get out of here,
I'm going to Khazad-dum.
Friends in Low Places, by Dewayne Blackwell, Bud Lee
Blame it all on my beard
I am just what you feared
To arrive at your Elvish soiree
The last one to know
The last one to show
I was the last one
You thought you'd see today
And I saw the surprise
And the disgust in the eyes
Of that Elf who is son of the king
What're you lookin' at?
"Don't trust an Elf" I then spat
"I will be dead before you get this Ring!"
'Cause I've got friends in deep places
Where the waters once drowned
And the orcs had chased my kin away
But Balin's there today
I'm not big on facial groomin'
Think I'll slip on down to Khazad-dum
Oh, I've got friends in deep places
Well, my axe is in shards
The Ring is too hard
But that's never happened before
Nuthin' is right
I'll join in the fight
You guys are gonna need a Dwarf
Hey, I didn't mean
To cause a big scene
The halfling, he steps forward, and
Takes up the job that
No-one else can do
I'm gonna give him a hand
'Cause I wanna go to Moria
It gives me a sense
Of euphoria, just thinking about
Taking that route
I'm not big on elvish grace
I'd like to punch Legolas in his pretty face
Oh, I've got friends in deep places
I guess I should-a listened to dad
This elf, he ain't half bad
But then, I've never met one
Nor learned that they toil
And that they are loyal
And that sometimes they can be quite fun
Now Legolas is a pain in the cuirass
But give him an arrow and bow
And he'll kill an orc
Before you can say "fork"
That's the kind of Elf I want to know!
'Cause I got friends with pointed ears
I will help Frodo go
Against all his fears
To the Dark Lord's forge
In the Fiery Gorge
I'm not good at makin' cake
But I can slice up an orc
In a half a shake, oh I got friends,
Gonna give Sauron a headache!
tune: Sister Golden-Hair, by America
I went to Khazad-dum
But I got so cram depressed
Old Balin's dead and buried
Along with all the rest
The hope that I did harbour
Deep inside my breast, it dies...
That is, until I looked
Into her starlit eyes!
Well, I keep on thinkin' 'bout you,
Lady crowned with shining gold
When I asked you for just one strand
I knew I'd been too bold
But you gave me three, and someday
When the Quest is far behind
In a house of crystal
They shall ever shine!
Will I see you in Valimar?
Will you meet me on the quay?
Will I look upon you once more
Before my dying day?
Well, I know she's married
This love I've carried
I'll keep in buried....
music fades out
Goin' Dwarfin'
(tune of Goin' Courtin' from 7 Brides for 7 Brothers)
LEGOLAS:
Goin' Dwarfin', goin' Dwarfin'
Oh it sets your senses in a whirl.
Goin' Dwarfin', goin' Dwarfin'
Little dudes as tough as any burl.
Oh, it's fun to hunt and shoot a bow,
Or to to hit a target, doncha know,
*But you'll find your mind a-starvin' goin' Dwarfin'.
Now there's lots o' things you gotta know
Be sure the ceilings are low,
Y' sidle up and grab his beard
Let me tell you fella's that it's weird.
You hem and haw a little while
He gives you kinda half a smile.
You hug a tree, he moves away
Then the strategy comes into play.
Goin' Dwarfin', goin' Dwarfin'
If you find it hard to know a rock
Goin' Dwarfin', goin' Dwarfin'
Read geology and keep a stock.
Squint your eyes and give a little glower.
Grunt and spit like you're a spittle shower.
That is what's known as emotin' goin' Dwarfin'!
ERESTOR
(spoken)
How 'bout singin',
Flower flingin'
When you're longin' for an Elvish face?
LINDIR
(spoken)
How 'bout dreamin'
Or facial creamin'
GLORFINDEL
(spoken)
Suppose he up and saps your grace?
LEGOLAS
(spoken)
Just remember "blessed are the Elves"
(sung)
(Don't forget we keep it to ourselves.)
Soon enough you'll both be orc-in',
Goin' Dwarfin'
Goin' ridin'...
ELVES
Goin' ridin'?
LEGOLAS
On the plains or in any battle.
Goin' ridin', goin' ridin'
Just remember that he'll need a saddle.
GALDOR
(spoken)
You mean that Dwarves are learnin' how to ride?
LEGOLAS
Though it's mixin' Jekyll up with Hyde,
It'll help with your abidin' goin' ridin'.
ELVES
Goin' Dwarfin', goin' Dwarfin'
Oh, it puts your senses in a whirl
Goin' Dwarfin', goin' Dwarfin'
Little dudes as tough as any burl.
Oh it's fun to sing a song
Or to fix where history went wrong,
But you'll find it's twice as sportin'
Goin' Dwarfin'.
LEGOLAS
(spoken)
Keep your singin'
ELVES
(spoken)
And climbin'
LEGOLAS
And bareback
ELVES
And plantin'
ALL
And brushin'
(sung)
'Cause we're goin' Dwarfin'!
This song is taken from an old English tune and written by John Tam who for a time was Daniel Hagman in a TV series Sharpe's Rifles.
It was brought to my attention again after visiting boriel's theoneswoonsite where Sean Beans photos and others adorne the pages and reading her poem by the same name
Sean portrayed the lead character Sharpe.
The Song was titled Spanish Bride. and without further adieu....
Lothlórien Lady
O'er the hills and o'er the glade
Through Gondor, Rohan, and Ithilien Plain
Aragorn commands and we obey
Over the hills and far away
Farewell and namárie you Lothlórien Lady
Farewell and namárie to you Lady of Lórien
For we're set down the river of the Great Anduin
But I know in some time we'll return once again
And if ever I'm returning it's with Mithril a plenty
And if I return it's with Mithril in great store
I'll search far and wide for my Lothlórien Lady
Who brought me such peace in midst of such war
O'er the hills and o'er the glade
Thruogh Gondor, Rohan, and Ithilien Plain
Aragorn commands and we obey
Over the hills and far away
repeat (till your hearts content)
Gimli, The Axe Man
Tax Man, by the Beatles
Let me tell you how it will be
There's some for you, and some for me
Cause I'm the axe man
Yea I'm the axe man
Should five orcs apper we'll kill 'em all
Be thankful I don't take it all
Cause I'm the axe man
Yea I'm the axe man
If they come in twos- two I'll axe in pairs
If they blow the wall-wall I'l take the stairs
If we run in the dark I won't get lost
If we come to a big hole, I won't be tossed!
Axe man
Well I'm the axe man
Yea I'm the axe man
'Don't trust an Elf' was my motto
Now I'm best friends with Legolato!
Cause I'm the axe man
Yea I'm the axe man
Now my advice to Uruk-hai (axe man)
Just go ahead and lie down to die (axe man)
Cause I'm the axe man
Yea I'm the axe man
And this Dwarf is working for no one but me
(axe man)
For Gimli:
Whistle while you work,
La la la la la la la,
The elf is cute
And you're a brute,
So whistle while you work.
Just what work do you do?
La la la la la la la.
You lug an ax,
For giving smacks,
It seems that's all you do.
You wear your hair in braids,
La la la la la la la,
It looks so dumb
I tell ya chum
It's time to make a change.
A crew cut would be nice,
La la la la la la la.
And shave your face
It's a disgrace
With girls it cuts no ice.
This song is pretty dumb,
La la la la la la la,
But I am bored
So just ignore
This insult to our Gimli.
Ok, ok, ok. So the last line don't rhyme.
So sue me.
