A soft, moonlit night in September in The Shire. Two old friends wind their way up a path, whispering quietly to themselves. It's late and they don't want to disturb the other people in the hobbit holes lining this familiar pathway.
It's Pippin and Merry and they are heading to Sam's house to discuss some last minute details for a party. Hearing sobs coming from his garden, they both look at one another and sigh. It has been five years and Sam is still grieving for Rosie. Reaching the edge of the garden, they knock softly. Sam opens the gate and this leads into:
Memories and Dust
(Sung to the music of Diamonds and Rust by Joan Baez.)
Well, I'll be hanged
Here comes her ghost again,
But that's not unusual.
It's just that the moon is full
And you happened to call.
And here I stand
Crying on a stepping stone
Hearing a voice I've known
Feels like ages ago.
Heading straight for a fall.
As I remember her eyes
Were bluer than robin's eggs.
My poetry was lousy she said.
What are you calling for?
Oh, party at Bag End.
Ten years ago
I bought her some earrings
And she bought me something.
We all know what each day can bring.
They bring memories and dust.
When I burst on her scene
Already a legend
The unwashed phenomenon
The original vagabond
She strayed into my arms.
And there she stayed
Though I was nothing to see
This gardener was hers for free.
Yes, the guy with elf friends.
I would keep her unharmed.
Now I see her standing
With brown leaves falling around
Or snow in her hair.
Or she's smiling out the window
Of that crummy hostel
Over Hardbottle Square.
Our breath comes out white clouds
Mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me
We both could have died then and there.
Now Merry's telling me
That I'm feeling nostalgic.
Then tell me how to deal with it.
You who are so good with words
Or at keeping things vague.
Cuz I need some of that vagueness now.
It all comes back too clearly.
Oh, I loved her so dearly.
So if you're offering me memories and dust,
I've already paid.
The three friends talk a while, but the two cannot seem to cheer up Sam. They do eventually get him to agree to get some sleep. Leaving, they turn back to see Sam tending to a rose that Merry knows Rosie planted eight years before to climb up the side of one of the posts of the gate.
The next morning, Sam is gone. A note in the garden reads, "She's in Valinor and that's where you'll find her Sam."
- Yaralindi
Suddenly the lights go out in the Pony. Loud drums begin to pound and choked up electric guitars begin to blare a celtic beat as fiddles join in. Swirling lights snap on in the rafters. Barliman dives behind the bar as loud speakers blare: "TONIGHT! FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY AT THE PONY. PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR... COMMON, GIVE IT UP!!!! IT'S ...
GABE, THE CAVE TROLL!
Green smurfs race in, chased by orcs dragging a chain. Pulling mightily as the guitars whine louder they drag Gabe onto the stage as rockets shoot fire and smoke along the rafters. He's 15 feet of pure metal music squeezed into spandex three sizes too small. Noticing the crowd beginning to whoop up the music, he grabs an oversized microphone and belts out: "Ho down!"
Post's Gone Away
(Sung to the music of Run, Run Away by Slade)
I like green and white (smurfs: Dream'n in green and white.)
You like green and white (smurfs: Post's gone away.)
Sweet Primula (smurfs: Name holds all in awe.)
Best mod with the law (smurfs: Post's gone away.). Hey!
Yer post's got a zing (smurfs: Didn't it make ya sing!)
Yer post had that zing (crowd: Post's gone away.)
Sweet sweet Primula (smurfs: Everyone's favorite ma.)
Let's all shout hurrah! (crowd: Post's gone away.) Whoa!
That post made me blush (smurfs: It's gone in a rush.)
If posts make ya blush (orcs: Post's gone away.)
We love Primula (smurfs: Don't you dare say pasha!)
All love Primula (crowd: Post's gone away.) Oh!!
Guitar and fiddle riff while Gabe dances around the stage. Then the drums start again and...
Oh now ain't she great (crowd: You really got that straight.)
No room for debate (crowd: Post's gone away.)
All hail Primula (crowd: Greatest mod of them all.)
This should make ya ha! (everybody: Post's gone away.) WHOA!!!
Post's Gone Away!
Post's Gone Away!
Post's Gone Away!
As the crowd is busy jamming to the rhythmic sounds of Gabe's band, he does a stage dive into the crowd! Looking down at the smashed folks, he is pulled to his feet by the smurfs. He then grabs an ice chest, with Gimli inside, and makes for the door...
Suddenly the lights go out in the Pony. Loud drums begin to pound and choked up electric guitars begin to blare a celtic beat as fiddles join in. Swirling lights snap on in the rafters. Barliman dives behind the bar as loud speakers blare: "TONIGHT! FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY AT THE PONY. PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR... COMMON, GIVE IT UP!!!! IT'S ...
GABE, THE CAVE TROLL!
Green smurfs race in, chased by orcs dragging a chain. Pulling mightily as the guitars whine louder they drag Gabe onto the stage as rockets shoot fire and smoke along the rafters. He's 15 feet of pure metal music squeezed into spandex three sizes too small. Noticing the crowd beginning to whoop up the music, he grabs an oversized microphone and belts out: "Ho down!"
Post's Gone Away
(Sung to the music of Run, Run Away by Slade)
I like green and white (smurfs: Dream'n in green and white.)
You like green and white (smurfs: Post's gone away.)
Sweet Primula (smurfs: Name holds all in awe.)
Best mod with the law (smurfs: Post's gone away.). Hey!
Yer post's got a zing (smurfs: Didn't it make ya sing!)
Yer post had that zing (crowd: Post's gone away.)
Sweet sweet Primula (smurfs: Everyone's favorite ma.)
Let's all shout hurrah! (crowd: Post's gone away.) Whoa!
That post made me blush (smurfs: It's gone in a rush.)
If posts make ya blush (orcs: Post's gone away.)
We love Primula (smurfs: Don't you dare say pasha!)
All love Primula (crowd: Post's gone away.) Oh!!
Guitar and fiddle riff while Gabe dances around the stage. Then the drums start again and...
Oh now ain't she great (crowd: You really got that straight.)
No room for debate (crowd: Post's gone away.)
All hail Primula (crowd: Greatest mod of them all.)
This should make ya ha! (everybody: Post's gone away.) WHOA!!!
Post's Gone Away!
Post's Gone Away!
Post's Gone Away!
As the crowd is busy jamming to the rhythmic sounds of Gabe's band, he does a stage dive into the crowd! Looking down at the smashed folks, he is pulled to his feet by the smurfs. He then grabs an ice chest, with Gimli inside, and makes for the door...
- Yaralindi
O Legolas
(to O Christmas Tree)
O Legolas O, Legolas,
Your handosomness delights us.
O Legolas, O Legolas,
Your handsomness delights us.
You're eyes so blue, they are so bright;
They're blue when winter snow is white.
O, Legolas, O, Legolas,
Your handsomness delights us!
O Legolas
(to O Christmas Tree)
O Legolas O, Legolas,
Your handosomness delights us.
O Legolas, O Legolas,
Your handsomness delights us.
You're eyes so blue, they are so bright;
They're blue when winter snow is white.
O, Legolas, O, Legolas,
Your handsomness delights us!
- Strange Elf
Sung to the music of, YMCA
“Rohan there's no need to feel down
I said, Rohan, pick yourself off the ground
I said, Rohan, 'cause there’s a new king in town
There's no need to be un-happy….
It’s fun to live in the M-A-R-K
It’s fun to live in the M-A-R-K –a-a….”
“Everybody!”
Sung to the music of, YMCA
“Rohan there's no need to feel down
I said, Rohan, pick yourself off the ground
I said, Rohan, 'cause there’s a new king in town
There's no need to be un-happy….
It’s fun to live in the M-A-R-K
It’s fun to live in the M-A-R-K –a-a….”
“Everybody!”
- Heartland Hobbit
Oh Dreadful Orc
To the tune of Amazing Grace:
Oh, dreadful orc,
You've done me wrong,
By stealing the girl of my dreams...
'Twas sad she saw some worth in you,
But I see only schemes.
If ere you return
In sight of me,
I'll get revenge of you...
You'll never know
What hit you, my friend,
Cause you'll be sliced in two.
(To the tune of Johnny Horton's The Battle of New Orleans)
In 1418 we took a little trip;
We started out as four but soon became a Fellowship.
We sat a spell in Rivendell for council and a sing,
Then we headed south to Mordor on a quest to toss the Ring.
Legolas fired his arrows, but those Orcs, they kept a-comin'
Though they wasn't quite as many as they was a while ago.
The Balrog gave a roar and we commenced to runnin'
Across the bridge of Khazad-dum in Moria, don't ya know.
Oh Dreadful Orc
To the tune of Amazing Grace:
Oh, dreadful orc,
You've done me wrong,
By stealing the girl of my dreams...
'Twas sad she saw some worth in you,
But I see only schemes.
If ere you return
In sight of me,
I'll get revenge of you...
You'll never know
What hit you, my friend,
Cause you'll be sliced in two.
- Theoden, King
From pi, who dislikes the way the new boards forced him to have a handle longer than two letters.
Plain Pi
(To the tune of Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer)
There's Apple,
and Rhubarb,
and Cherry,
and mincemeat
Lemon meringue
And cream is a big treat.
But do you recall, the plainest "pi" of them all?
Just crust along the edges
And around the bottom, too.
And if you ever stabbed one
You'd see that there was no goo.
More crust along the topside
Filled with only steaming air
Venting like a big cream puff
No cream in sight anywhere!
Then one filling-less, chilly night,
Plain pi came to say
Read my silly offings here,
And have a blessed realm day!
The other pi's were jealous
as they emptied out their guts
to finish this silly song
I surely must be going nuts!!
From pi, who dislikes the way the new boards forced him to have a handle longer than two letters.
Plain Pi
(To the tune of Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer)
There's Apple,
and Rhubarb,
and Cherry,
and mincemeat
Lemon meringue
And cream is a big treat.
But do you recall, the plainest "pi" of them all?
Just crust along the edges
And around the bottom, too.
And if you ever stabbed one
You'd see that there was no goo.
More crust along the topside
Filled with only steaming air
Venting like a big cream puff
No cream in sight anywhere!
Then one filling-less, chilly night,
Plain pi came to say
Read my silly offings here,
And have a blessed realm day!
The other pi's were jealous
as they emptied out their guts
to finish this silly song
I surely must be going nuts!!
-pi
(To the tune of Johnny Horton's The Battle of New Orleans)
In 1418 we took a little trip;
We started out as four but soon became a Fellowship.
We sat a spell in Rivendell for council and a sing,
Then we headed south to Mordor on a quest to toss the Ring.
Legolas fired his arrows, but those Orcs, they kept a-comin'
Though they wasn't quite as many as they was a while ago.
The Balrog gave a roar and we commenced to runnin'
Across the bridge of Khazad-dum in Moria, don't ya know.
- Daughter of Kings
Boromir's Dead in the Dell
To the tune of 'Oh dear what can the matter be'
OH dear what can the matter be
Oh dear what can the matter be
Oh dear what can the matter be
Boromir’s dead in the dell
He wanted to steal it in when he was in Rivendell
Wanted to steal it in Moria – it was too dark
Wanted to steal it in fair Lorien
Boromir is dead in the dell
They rode down the river And passed by the rapids
They rode to Parth Galen then quick fixed a fire
Frodo went walking and Boromir did find him
And Boromir is dead in the dell
Aragorn went one way and Samwise the other
Merry and Pippin ran off on their own
The Elf and the Dwarf went running their own way
And Boromir’s dead in the dell
To find a true leader – not this day – oh no way
Frodo escaped cause he put on the ring - hey
But Pippin & Merry got caught by the orc band
And Boromir’s dead in the dell
Sam found his Frodo alive at the river
Boromir found his two afright and aquivered
Lurtz found his quary – twas all in a dither.
And Boromir’s dead in the dell
They fought and they parried, the man and the Hobbits
They screamed and they yelled trying hard to survive
They scurried and scampered but still they were captured
Cause Boromir’s dead in the dell….
Boromir's Dead in the Dell
To the tune of 'Oh dear what can the matter be'
OH dear what can the matter be
Oh dear what can the matter be
Oh dear what can the matter be
Boromir’s dead in the dell
He wanted to steal it in when he was in Rivendell
Wanted to steal it in Moria – it was too dark
Wanted to steal it in fair Lorien
Boromir is dead in the dell
They rode down the river And passed by the rapids
They rode to Parth Galen then quick fixed a fire
Frodo went walking and Boromir did find him
And Boromir is dead in the dell
Aragorn went one way and Samwise the other
Merry and Pippin ran off on their own
The Elf and the Dwarf went running their own way
And Boromir’s dead in the dell
To find a true leader – not this day – oh no way
Frodo escaped cause he put on the ring - hey
But Pippin & Merry got caught by the orc band
And Boromir’s dead in the dell
Sam found his Frodo alive at the river
Boromir found his two afright and aquivered
Lurtz found his quary – twas all in a dither.
And Boromir’s dead in the dell
They fought and they parried, the man and the Hobbits
They screamed and they yelled trying hard to survive
They scurried and scampered but still they were captured
Cause Boromir’s dead in the dell….
- Agape4Rivendell
Do You Know Where You're Going To
(to the tune of "Do you know where you're going to" by Diana Ross (Theme from Mahogany for those who remember way back when)).
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things the ring’s been showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know?
Do you get what you're hoping for?
When you look behind you there is no Mordor
What are you hoping for?
Do you know?
Once we were standing at Bag End
Chasing the fantasies
That were just ‘round the bend
You knew I loved ring
But my spirit was free
Laughing at the questions
That Gandalf asked of me
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things the ring’s been showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know?
Now looking back at all we've planned
We let the ring of power
Just slip through our hands
Why must we wait so long?
Before we see
Mordor crashing down
And Middle Earth free
Do you get what you're hoping for?
When you look behind you there is no Mordor
What are you hoping for?
Do you know?
Very nice!, SE. How bout an extra verse...
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things your blade is showing you
When it's glowin' blue
Do you know? - Erech the Undead
top
OK, so the first two (and last two) lines have an extra syllable, and I had to get a bit free with interpreting meaning rather than litteral words in a couple spots, but here it is. For all you parents out there who, like me, get just a bit of a kick out of making ringers out of your kids, here is Twinkle, twinkle little star, in Quenya!
Rilya, rilya elen titta
Maquetan mana narlye
Antara or i ambar
Ve miril mi i vilya
Rilya, rilya elen titta
Maquetan mana narlye
Do You Know Where You're Going To
(to the tune of "Do you know where you're going to" by Diana Ross (Theme from Mahogany for those who remember way back when)).
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things the ring’s been showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know?
Do you get what you're hoping for?
When you look behind you there is no Mordor
What are you hoping for?
Do you know?
Once we were standing at Bag End
Chasing the fantasies
That were just ‘round the bend
You knew I loved ring
But my spirit was free
Laughing at the questions
That Gandalf asked of me
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things the ring’s been showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know?
Now looking back at all we've planned
We let the ring of power
Just slip through our hands
Why must we wait so long?
Before we see
Mordor crashing down
And Middle Earth free
Do you get what you're hoping for?
When you look behind you there is no Mordor
What are you hoping for?
Do you know?
- Strange Elf
Very nice!, SE. How bout an extra verse...
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things your blade is showing you
When it's glowin' blue
Do you know? - Erech the Undead
top
OK, so the first two (and last two) lines have an extra syllable, and I had to get a bit free with interpreting meaning rather than litteral words in a couple spots, but here it is. For all you parents out there who, like me, get just a bit of a kick out of making ringers out of your kids, here is Twinkle, twinkle little star, in Quenya!
Rilya, rilya elen titta
Maquetan mana narlye
Antara or i ambar
Ve miril mi i vilya
Rilya, rilya elen titta
Maquetan mana narlye
- Anna Estel
Before you sing this...make sure that you are in the mood for some morbid humor, like maybe saying "don't worry, they only stabbed him twice" five times or something.
Feelin' Moody (to the tune of Feelin' Groovy)
Slow down, you eat too fast.
You got to make the lembas last.
Just hiding in the dirty stones.
You're on the run and feelin' moody.
Frodo, Frodo, Frodo, Frodo...Feelin' moody.
Hello Nazgul,
What cha screamin'?
I've come to burn your master's ring, and
Ain't it easy to get lost?
In Gorgoroth I'm,
Feelin' moody.
I've got one deed to do,
One promise I must keep.
I'm starving and weary and ready to weep.
Let the orc-legions pass by without seeing me.
Sam, you know, I'm
Feeling moody.
Frodo, Frodo, Frodo, Frodo, Frodo, Frodo, Frodo, Frodo...(fade out w/whistling)
Up on my Flet
(to the tune of Up on the Roof)
When Middle Earth starts getting me down
And Elves are just too much for me to face
I climb way up to the top of the tree
And all my cares just drift right into space
On the flet, it's peaceful as can be
And there the wood below can't bother me
Let me tell you now
When I come home feelin' tired and beat
I go up where the air is fresh and sweet (up on the flet)
I get away from the hustling Elves
And all that elf-race noise down in the wood(up on the flet)
On the flet, the only place I know
Where you just have to wish to make it so
Let's go up on the flet (up on the flet)
Before you sing this...make sure that you are in the mood for some morbid humor, like maybe saying "don't worry, they only stabbed him twice" five times or something.
Feelin' Moody (to the tune of Feelin' Groovy)
Slow down, you eat too fast.
You got to make the lembas last.
Just hiding in the dirty stones.
You're on the run and feelin' moody.
Frodo, Frodo, Frodo, Frodo...Feelin' moody.
Hello Nazgul,
What cha screamin'?
I've come to burn your master's ring, and
Ain't it easy to get lost?
In Gorgoroth I'm,
Feelin' moody.
I've got one deed to do,
One promise I must keep.
I'm starving and weary and ready to weep.
Let the orc-legions pass by without seeing me.
Sam, you know, I'm
Feeling moody.
Frodo, Frodo, Frodo, Frodo, Frodo, Frodo, Frodo, Frodo...(fade out w/whistling)
- Evelyn
My Ring
(to the tune of My Girl, by the Temptations)
I've got power for every day
And when it's nice outside I've got orcs on the way
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My Ring, (my Ring, my Ring)
Talkin' 'bout my Ring (my Ring)
I've got so many things the Nazgul envy me
I've got a meaner song for everyone to sing
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My Ring, (my Ring, my Ring)
Talkin' 'bout my Ring (my Ring)
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
I don't need no money, fortune or fame
I got all the power, people, a Dark Lord can claim
Well, I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My Ring, (my Ring, my Ring)
Talkin' 'bout my Ring (my Ring)
I've got power for every day with my Ring
I've even got orcs on the way with my Ring
(to the tune of My Girl, by the Temptations)
I've got power for every day
And when it's nice outside I've got orcs on the way
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My Ring, (my Ring, my Ring)
Talkin' 'bout my Ring (my Ring)
I've got so many things the Nazgul envy me
I've got a meaner song for everyone to sing
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My Ring, (my Ring, my Ring)
Talkin' 'bout my Ring (my Ring)
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
I don't need no money, fortune or fame
I got all the power, people, a Dark Lord can claim
Well, I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My Ring, (my Ring, my Ring)
Talkin' 'bout my Ring (my Ring)
I've got power for every day with my Ring
I've even got orcs on the way with my Ring
- Ashlyn
Up on my Flet
(to the tune of Up on the Roof)
When Middle Earth starts getting me down
And Elves are just too much for me to face
I climb way up to the top of the tree
And all my cares just drift right into space
On the flet, it's peaceful as can be
And there the wood below can't bother me
Let me tell you now
When I come home feelin' tired and beat
I go up where the air is fresh and sweet (up on the flet)
I get away from the hustling Elves
And all that elf-race noise down in the wood(up on the flet)
On the flet, the only place I know
Where you just have to wish to make it so
Let's go up on the flet (up on the flet)
There's
a world where I can go
and tell my secrets to
On my flet
On my flet
(to the tune of a variety of 60's music)
Merr-ehh-eee-ayee-a-yee-eye-yi-yee,
Merry, Merry,
Merr-ay-yee
wont you come out tonight
Since they cut me down I've been out reelin' in my head
Come home late at night and in the morning I just lay in bed
Oh Elronda you like so fine, and I know it wouldn't take much time,
For you to help me Elrond, help me get them out of my heart
The Long and Winding Road,
tha-at leads to Mor-dor
Will never disappear,
I've seen that ring before
It always leads me here,
leads me to Mor-dor
The wild and windy night the rain washed away,
Has left a pool of tears crying for the dead
Why leave me standing here, let me know the way
Many times I've been alone in Emyn Muil at night
Sam and Gollum never knew the many ways I've tried, but
Still IT leads me back to the long and winding road
You left me standing here a long, long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here, lead me to Mor-dor...
and tell my secrets to
On my flet
On my flet
- Strange Elf
(to the tune of a variety of 60's music)
Merr-ehh-eee-ayee-a-yee-eye-yi-yee,
Merry, Merry,
Merr-ay-yee
wont you come out tonight
Since they cut me down I've been out reelin' in my head
Come home late at night and in the morning I just lay in bed
Oh Elronda you like so fine, and I know it wouldn't take much time,
For you to help me Elrond, help me get them out of my heart
The Long and Winding Road,
tha-at leads to Mor-dor
Will never disappear,
I've seen that ring before
It always leads me here,
leads me to Mor-dor
The wild and windy night the rain washed away,
Has left a pool of tears crying for the dead
Why leave me standing here, let me know the way
Many times I've been alone in Emyn Muil at night
Sam and Gollum never knew the many ways I've tried, but
Still IT leads me back to the long and winding road
You left me standing here a long, long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here, lead me to Mor-dor...
- Erech the
Undead