Sung to
the Tune of....1
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Pint Run
(to the tune of "Beer Run" by Garth Brooks and George Jones)
Four soggy Hobbits crossed the Brandywine
With nine Black Riders coming right behind
They're headed to the Pony where they hope to find
A wizard known as Gandalf, who's their mastermind
Quick snack, re-pack, on again
Well it's a P-I-N-T! Hey now are you in?
They headed up the Greenway in the chill night air
And passing through the gates they saw the Inn right there
The man-sized building filled their hearts with despair
So they got a couple pints to help shake off the scare
Green Goo, Blue Goo, Rainbow Goo too
It's a P-I-N-T! What can I get you?
While laughin' and a braggin' and a singin' a song
Silly little Frodo put the One Ring on!
He frightened em' all cuz in a flash he was gone!
"I see you" growled the voice of Sauron.
Uh oh, Oh no! Where'd he go?
It's a P-I-N-T! Looks like big trouble
The Ballad of Brave Sir Ian
(Written on the occasion of irascian becoming a moderator)
Bravely bold Sir Ian, rode forth in shades of Green.
He was not afraid to delete, O Brave Sir Ian.
He was not at all afraid to moderate the 'Pony Posts.
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Ian!
He was not in the least bit scared to slip on puddles of drool,
Or to be put in a kilt, and be karaoke'd.
To be up at all hours, and read tons of silly posts,
And to ban those who deserve it, brave Sir Ian!
His life taken over by hours on the boards,
And his email box filled and his sleep deprived,
And he ducks from the sponges that fly above,
And he (splat)...
(Ian interrupts the song)
(Ian encounters the Angry Mobs of Droolers from the Fellowship
Boards)
(After Ian runs away from Angry Mobs of Droolers)
MINSTREL: Brave Sir Ian ran away
IAN: No!
MINSTREL (singing): Bravely ran away away
IAN: I didn't!
MINSTREL (singing): When droolers reared their smiling heads,
He bravely turned his tail and fled
IAN: No!
MINSTREL (singing): Yes Brave Sir Ian turned about
IAN: I didn't!
MINSTREL (singing): And gallantly he chickened out
\Bravely taking to his feet
IAN: I never did!
MINSTREL (singing): He beat a very brave retreat
IAN: Oh, lie!
MINSTREL (singing): Bravest of the brave Sir Ian
IAN: I never!
(Later, when Ian meets up with Rosie)
MINSTREL (singing): Packing it in and packing it up
And sneaking away and wandering off
And chickening out and slinking off home
Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge
***With
apologies to Monty Python's Holy Grail. Please note: The very last line
of
the song remains 'unspoilt' from it's original version. Wonder if they
realized
what they were writing all those years ago?***
A rewrite of James Taylor's "Fire and Rain"...it
just struck me as so apropo......
Just yesterday morning...end of the Road, now you’re gone
Frodo, the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
Just wish that you were here to sing it to
We've seen fire and we've seen rain
We've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
We've seen desperate times; all I could do was be your friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
Won't you look down upon me, Elbereth
You've got to help me make a stand
You've just got to see me through another day
His body aching; his time was at hand
And he won't make it any other way
Oh, he'd seen fire and he’d seen rain
He’d seen sunny days that I thought would never end
He’d seen desperate times; all I could do was be his friend
But I always thought that I'd see him again
Been walking my mind to an easy time my back turned towards the sun
Elbereth knows when the East wind blows it'll turn your head around
Well, there's hours of time with a pipe and a pint to talk about things
to come
Sweet dreams and elvish schemes in pieces on the ground
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
But these lonely times without you here, my friend......
Well, I always thought that I'd see you, Frodo, one more time again, now
Thought I'd see you one more time again
More than a few tears coming my way this time around, now
Will I see you, will I see you bye and bye again, one more time again
The Bilbo and Frodo Song
(sung to the tune of "American Pie")
In a far, far, far away place,
In a hole built in a hill
There lived a little hobbit....
His name was Frodo, his dad's was Bilbo,
Who's age was eleventy-frickin-uno!
How he survives, I do not know.
The older he gets, the less he wants to part,
But what he holds could blacken his heart,
Gandalf entered the room,
And caught Bilbo sealing his doom
He said, "Bilbo, listen here,"
"that ring will bring you nothing but fear"
And no longer will you drink beer!
And that's when Bilbo said...
"Oh, I apologize Gandalf,
Give the ring to Frodo, but he'll have it by fault.
I'm going to leave this place, kiss my ring goodbye,
Hopin' I don't meet a Uruk Hai,
Hopin' I don't meet a Uruk Hai"
Did you know this three foot dude?
Give him the ring and he won't act rude
And I heard his feet were crude
Ahh, do you see him writing a book
About how much he hates each and every Took,
Yeah he's probably, gonna kill one, someday.
Well I knew he destroyed that dragon,
And I've heard of the silk he sleeps in,
And he is rich it's trueeee,
So he buys a hooker or twoooooooo
Finally Bilbo gave up the ring
But he wanted to kick Gandalf in the "thing"
The noise it made would have been"ding"
But he, doesnt have...a wifeee
"Oh, I apologize Gandalf,
Give the ring to Frodo, but he'll have it by fault.
I'm going to leave this place, kiss my ring goodbye,
Hopin' I don't meet a Uruk Hai,
Hopin' I don't meet a Uruk Hai"
Now finally, the day came,
That Frodo would have great fame
The fate of Middle-Earth was on his shoulders
So Gandalf told him the background,
And Frodo listened without a sound,
And then Gandalf took out the ring....
Ooh he pitched it into the fire,
And text appeared, as he desired
He read the text aloud
The One Ring they had foooouuuuuuuuund,
Frodo was more powerful than anyone,
Except for my maybe, Sauron
And maybe even Sarumannn
But he, was just, a hobbit
"Oh, I apologize Gandalf,
Give the ring to Frodo, but he'll have it by fault.
I'm going to leave this place, kiss my ring goodbye,
Hopin' I don't meet a Uruk Hai,
Hopin' I don't meet a Uruk Hai"
So Frodo set off on his journey,
With his three best friends right on his hiney
Ringwraiths were on his tail too...
They soon reached Rivendell,
There his company increased as well...
Four Hobbits, Two Men, a Dwarf and Ellllffff
At first there were some prejudice problems
But eventually Legolas solved them
A lot of decapitations
Led to a big celebration
But there's still a long road ahead of them,
And now they have to do it all again
It'd be a lot easier if they had just one Sexy Woman!
And they'd be singin'
"Oh, I apologize Gandalf,
Give the ring to Frodo, but he'll have it by fault.
I'm going to leave this place, kiss my ring goodbye,
Hopin' I don't meet a Uruk Hai
Hopin' I don't meet a Uruk Hai"
"Oh, I apologize Gandalf,
Give the ring to Frodo, but he'll have it by fault.
I'm going to leave this place, kiss my ring goodbye,
Hopin' I don't meet a Uruk Hai
Hopin' I don't meet a Uruk Hai"
- The Super Hobbit of Doom
Yesterday
Frodo sings to the tune of 'Yesterday':
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away,
Now I've got to take this ring away,
O I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly, there's a rider hanging over me,
As I cower underneath this tree
O I'm so glad that Sam's with me.
Where, we, have to go, I don't know, he didn't say.
Gandalf, came, to tea, now we're on our way to Bree.
Rivendell - Elrond tells me that I'm not too well,
On a Nazgul's knife I must have fell,
Glad Bilbo's here in Rivendell.
Fellowship - nine of us must make this awful trip,
We're all rested, we've had lots of kip,
I'm glad I have the Fellowship.
On, we, have to go, over hill and over dale
All, is, lost and gone if the nine of us should fail.
Moria - no one wanted to get stuck in here,
Gandalf's fallen, he was O so dear,
Please let us stop and shed a tear.
(Ga)ladriel, crazy lady, even I can tell,
Made me look into a wishing well,
We've fallen under-neath her spell.
In, to, boats we jump now and ro--w, row away,
River flows right on, past the kings of yesterday.
Uruk-Hai, fighting Boromir so many die,
As he tries to let the halflings fly -
Such a shame he has to die.
Time to flee, looks as if it is all down to me,
But at least I won't be lo-nely,
O I'm so glad Sam's here with me.
(To be continued Christmas 2002 to avoid spoilers!)
Stairway
Sung to the tune of Stairway to Heaven....
There's a lady who's sure that her ranger is pure
And she knows he will defeat the evil
And when she sees him she knows
when Sauron is dead
With a word she can become a mortal
Woe oh oh oh oh oh
To him she’s given her pendant
There's a sign on the wall but they want to be sure
You know sometimes hobbits are fearful
In the lane by the brook there’s a Nazgul who rides
Most times all of his thoughts are bent on the ring
Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And they’re making for the home of Elrond
There's a feeling elves get when they look to the west
And their spirit is grieving for MiddleEarth
In their thoughts they have seen rings of smoke through the Ents
And the voices of those who are ring-bearing
Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And they’re making their way to Undying Lands
And it's whispered that soon, if he just blows the horn,
Then someone will come to his aid
And a new day will dawn for those who stand brave
And the forest will echo with slaughter
And it makes me miss him
If there's a One Ring in your pocket,
Frodo, be alarmed now
For there are many who desire it
Yes there's only one path you can go by
and in the long run
There's no time to change the road you're on
Your head is throbbing and it won't go because you don't know
The ring’s calling you to join him
Dear hobbit can't you hear the wind blow and did you know
Your stairway lies on the road of Mt Doom
And as they wind on down the road
Their shadows taller than their souls
There walks a Gollum we all know
Who lurks about and wants to show
How the ring still belongs to him
And if you watch very hard
The ring will come to him at last and
When all are one and one is all
he’ll throw himself into the fire
Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And Gollum’s dying in the fires of Mount Doom
There's a king who's been exiled from his home for so long
And he's replanting the white tree he’s been missing
And when he gets there he knows if the elves are all gone
With a word he can marry and be loved
And we must all give thanks to PJ.
(and JRR)
Gotta get through this
Set to the tune of Daniel Bedingfield's "Gotta Get Thru This"
I gotta get through this
I gotta get through this
I gotta wait, gotta wait, gotta wait through this
11 months to get through this
Yeah, 11 months to get through this.
I gotta take my, take my mind off part two
11 months I'm sure I'll be all right
Surely a few more months won't break my heart
Give me 'til December and I'll be okay
Even though I think about it every night!
When the preview comes on the screen in may,
I know I won't know what to say
And I'll be in mental paralysis until Christmas!
Cause the Two Towers will then be out
And I'll be the first one there without a doubt
In my Hooooooobbit costume!
So if only I could get through this,
Only 11 months to get through this
Why'd Peter Jackson have to torture me like this?
God, 11 months, this is hopeless!
But I gotta get through this,
I gotta get through this
I gotta wait, gotta wait, gotta wait through this
I said I'm gonna get through this
I'm gonna get through this
There's gotta be, gotta be something to take my mind off this...
Make is six months less and I may be all right,
Take another five off and you'll have saved my life
'Cause lord knows I can't wait for part two,
Tell me Peter, what the heck are you gonna do...
My love for Rings is a real pain
I saw #38 and I'll see it again
'Cause I just can't stay away from the theater!
You gotta help me not to see any more
By next week it'll be #54
Gotta stop cause all I crave is more of it!
If only I could get through this,
Just another 11 months of this
All we talk about on the chatboard is this
Please Mr. Tolkien help me get through this
I wonder if Hobbits eat chips with fish?
Why in the movie is Rosie cotton such a dish?
LOTR and a pints my wish,
Wonder if Pippin's doing something stupidish...
Aw lord please help me get through this.
A song, to ZZ Top's "Sharp Dressed Man"
Haldir, Sharp-Dressed Elf
Long gold hair, Regal air,
He ain’t missing a single thing
Silken tunics, Golden maille
When he steps out he’s gonna do them in
She-elves running just as fast as they can
Cause every she-elf’s crazy ‘bout a sharp dressed elf.
Flashy Armor, Red Cloak
Helm’s Deep is where he’s going to
Shiny sword, New Bow
Fightin’ the Darkness is his reason why
Orcs be running just as fast as they can
Cause every Orc’s a-worried ‘bout a sharp dressed elf .
- Lindorie
Don't Cry for Me, Minas Tirith
with apologies to Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice
It won’t be easy, you’ll think it strange
When I try to explain how I feel
That I still need your love even after I ‘m gone
Will you believe me
Or will you still see me for what I have done
All you will see is the man I once was
Wanting only to defend my home
At all costs and using all tools
I had to let it happen, I had to change
Let the evil take me I had to fall
To be released from its spell and come back to the
light
I tried to take it
I wanted only to use it for good
To defend my homeland is all
I ever wanted to do
Don’t Cry for me Minas Tirith
The truth is, I never left you
On my long journey
You filled my heart and
I always loved you
Your White Tow’r gleaming.
As to my fortune who is to blame?
What power guides us in life?
How much are we steered toward the choices we make?
Are they made freely?
Or are they pre-destined and we must abide?
Thinking we know what we do
I thought to do only for you
Don’t cry for me, Minas Tirith
The truth is, I never left you
On my long journey
You filled my heart and
I always loved you
Your White Tow’r gleaming
Have I said too much? There’s nothing more I can think
of to say to you.
But all you have to do is look at me to know that
every word is true.
- Lindorie
The Ringbearer
tune: The sounds of Silence, by Simon and Garfunkel
I sail in darkness to the West.
I feel I've failed my greatest test.
Tho the world lives on in sunlight,
within my spirit there is only night
And by this crystal
Like a fading star now fanned
In my small hand
I see the Shores of Elfhome
A faded wraith I wandered home
my heart as heavy as a stone
but the Shire's no longer home to me
It's gentle beauty I no longer see
It is achieved!
...and yet my burden is not gone.
A weary pawn;
I dream of bliss in Elfhome
I touch the gift upon my chest
when dark is all around me pressed.
Arwen has chosen to remain behind.
Her place she offers me, she is so kind!
And my vision,
like a fading flower fails
and my heart quails;
I long for the Shores of Elfhome.
Merry and Pip to all have shown
More than in inches they have grown.
Oh, Samwise how can you forgive me?
I turned upon you like an enemy
and my sword,
like the sweetest elven note
sang at your throat...
Unworthy am I of Elfhome.
Yet in this place I can't remain,
I am beset with so much pain.
All my friends are safe, the world is free,
And Sam has started his big family
While I...
seek to sail into the sun
And oblivion...
To find my soul in Elfhome
Oh, Sam, I beg you, let me go...
I'll be in good hands, don't you know!
Go back to Rose and little Elanor
(I know there will be many, many more)
And give them...
All the love you have for me:
Now, set me free
To seek the Shores of Elfhome.
There, for you my friend I'll wait.
Upon a predetermined date,
When the kids are grown and you are done,
Take the ship into the setting sun.
Be assured...
I will be waiting on the quay
Until that day.
Without you there is no Elfhome
Fishies in the Pond
(to the Music of the Night fromPhantom)
Fishies, fishies, in the murky water
Reach in, reach in, grab them and I slobber-
Wave them in the air-
Silly hobbits sit and stare-
I just eat my fish and glare-
They just don’t understand the love we share…
I sing about the fishies in the pond.
Eat them raw and eat them nice and cold-
Just reach in, grab ‘em, go ahead be bold-
Let the feast begin
Grab your fork and let’s dig in
If you wait too long they’ll get away- it’s sin…
I sing about the fishies in the pond.
- AuntKimby
This is a song sung by Bilbo when rescuing the dwarves from Mirkwood
to the tune of "Roll out the Barrel."
*big band Intro*
There's a dungeon, what a dungeon,
Only gloomy faces loom there,
And there's lots and lots of room there,
For a worry and a gloom there
Oh there's guards here and there's a river,
And a cold water makes me shiver,
We’ll ride in the barrels
‘twill be a splendid thing.
Every time they hear that oom-pa-pa,
Everybody feels so tra-la-la
They want me to take them away,
“Please get us out of here” they say.
Then they hear a rumble on the floor,
It's the big surprise they're waiting for
Cuz I’ve just put on the Ring,
For miles around you'll hear me sing...
Roll out the barrel,
We'll have a barrel of fun
Roll out the barrel,
I've got the dwarves on the run
Don’t mind the peril,
Ring out a song of good cheer
Now's the time to roll the barrel,
For the gang's all here
- mousechief
Sauron's
Song
(Another Saturday Night)
Another Saturday night an' I ain't got no body.
Just got some Southrons and some orcs and wraiths.
Oh how I wish I had my Ring to talk to.
I'm in an awful way.
I got in town an Age ago.
I've seen a lot of rings since then.
If I can meet 'em I can get 'em,
But that Baggins - haven't met 'im!
That's why I'm in the shape I'm in.
Oh, another Saturday night and I ain't got no body.
Just got some Southrons and some orcs and wraiths.
Oh how I wish I had my Ring to talk to.
I'm in an awful way.
A king from Angmar told me
He had a ring and it looked just fine.
Instead of being my deliverance,
He had a strange resemblance
to a cat named Frankenstein.
Oh yeah, another Saturday night and I ain't got no body.
Just got some Southrons and some orcs and wraiths.
Oh how I wish I had my Ring to talk to.
I'm in an awful way.
It's hard on an Eyeball
When he can't make his way around.
And now the Mountain is explodin'
And me, I'm just implodin'!
I'm gonna have to blow this town.
Uh huh another Satuday night and I ain't got no body.
Lost all them Southrons and those orcs and wraiths.
Oh now I'll never have my Ring to talk to.
I'm in an awful way.
- Lithilien Quicksilver
As heard from the Smeagol Mobile as it drove down the streets of Bree
(to the Tune of Arthur's Theme[When
you get caught between the moon and New York City])
Smeagol he does what he pleeeeeeaseses
Biding his time while "fat one" sleeps,
Never alone with Prescious,
Makes us weeeeps.
Baggins is a gentle master,
But he's insane! Goes to Mordor!
He makes us show the way,
And then what's more . . .
Smeagol is caught between Sauron and Frodo Baggins.
I know it's crazy, but true.
When you get caught between Sauron and Frodo Baaaa-ag-gins,
The best that we can do,
The best that we can do,
Is call Shelob!
Car rounds the corner before the song
is over, thank heavens
- Doctor Gamgee
I thought Legolas might sing this
song to Gimli who could be doubtful about Legolas’s nautical abilities
and sailing in general to Valinor when it comes time for them to leave
Middle-earth.
Sailing
(
Sung to the tune Sailing by
Christopher Cross)
It’s not far over to Valinor
At least it’s not for us
And when the wind is right we can sail away
And find tranquility
The canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Believe me
It’s not far to those white shores
No reason to be afraid
And when the wind is right we can find joy
Of innocence again
The canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Believe me
Sailing
Takes us away
To where I’ve always heard Valinor to be
A wondrous land and with the wind to hurry us
Soon we will be free
Valinor
I feel you calling to me
While we’re sailing
All caught up in the reverie
Every word is a symphony
Won’t you believe me
It’s not far over to Valinor
At least it’s not for us
And now the wind is right we can sail away
And find serenity
The canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Believe me
- Dinledhwen
