---

Brandybuck Blues
tune: Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, by Elton John

When are you gonna come back?
I’ll catch up with you when I can
We should have stayed in the Shire
You should have listened to that wise old man

You know you won’t be gone forever
I didn’t get to go with you
I’m not a parcel to be laid aside
This Hobbit’s too young to be singing the blues...

So goodbye, Peregrin Took
You’re going to the White City now
I’m swearing my service to Rohan
We’ll be back together somehow

Back to the light-hearted lads that we were
Hobbits without any cares
Oh I hope that Frodo wins through to the Fire
And gets rid of that which he bears

What do you think we’ll do then
I bet that we’ll all be together again
Frodo and Sam will come out to meet us
And our tears will be fallin’ like rain

Mabye we’ll get to go home then
And take up our lives we let lay
I’ll never forget this Adventure we’ve been on
And no one will believe us anyway...

---

Gimli, The Axe Man
Tax Man, by the Beatles

Let me tell you how it will be
There's some for you, and some for me

Cause I'm the axe man
Yea I'm the axe man

Should five orcs apper we'll kill 'em all
Be thankful I don't take it all

Cause I'm the axe man
Yea I'm the axe man

If they come in twos- two I'll axe in pairs
If they blow the wall-wall I'l take the stairs
If we run in the dark I won't get lost
If we come to a big hole, I won't be tossed!

Axe man

Well I'm the axe man
Yea I'm the axe man

'Don't trust an Elf' was my motto
Now I'm best friends with Legolato!

Cause I'm the axe man
Yea I'm the axe man

Now my advice to Uruk-hai (axe man)
Just go ahead and lie down to die (axe man)

Cause I'm the axe man
Yea I'm the axe man

And this Dwarf is working for no one but me
(axe man)

---

Homebrew'd delight
Afternoon Delight, by the Starland Vocal Band

Gonna find my ale-mug, gonna hold it tight
Gonna grab some of the Gaffer's homebrew'd delight
My motto's always been 'when it's right, it's right'
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?
When everything's a little clearer in the light of day
And Rosie's bringing another refill to me on a tray!

All this partyin' is workin' up my appetite
Looking forward to a little homebrew'd delight
Merry and Pip're stealing fireworks, make the sparks ignite
And the thought of second supper is getting so exciting

Birthday Party tonight
Homebrew'd delight
Homebrew'd delight
Homebrew'd delight

Started out this morning feeling so polite
Just sitting at the Party watching (my dancin' is a fright)
Seein' Frodo share the floor with you makes me a little green
I better get another ale before my blush is seen!

Birthday Party Tonight
September delight
September delight
September delight

Please be waiting for me Rosie, when I come back round
Gotta take off on a Quest and see the new King crowned
Thinkin' of you's all that keeps me sane these days
Looking forward to coming home after Frodo's saved
We'll scour out the Shire, show Sharky a real fight
In our ironmongery, we four a quite a sight!

Give us but one night, and
We'll make everything alright!
We'll make everything alright!
We'll make everything alright!

We'll make everything alright!

---

Oh Middle Earth
To the tune: Danny Boy

O FanClub Friends, the 'Boards, the 'Boards are changing
From Left to Right, and from the top down to the base
Decipher has figured that we need re-arranging
And I, and I and you must accept it with some grace

But come ye back, when everything is different
And perhaps you will not recognize this place
Do not be sad, and take on yourself no affront
O FanClub Friends, O FanClub Friends, I'll know your face!

And if you come, when all the names're new and strange
And I am lost, as lost I may well be
You'll come and find the place wehre I am ranging
And take my hand and lead me back with thee!

And I shall come, for poetry is inside me and you
And there are many, many stories left to tell
There is no place, no ears fairer for me to sing to
In Middle-earth, In Middle-earth, I wish to dwell!

In Middle-earth, In Middle-earth, I will ever dwell!

---

It Should Have Been A Baggins
It Should Have Been Me, by Ray Charles

As I passed by
A real fine Inn
A lass walked out
Her name was Prim
I gave her the eye
And started to carry on
When a black barouche cruised up
And 'swish' she was gone!

It should've been me
With that fine hobbit-lady
It should've been a Baggins
With that fine hobbit-lass
Hey hey hey, hey, making that stylish pass

A little later on
A marketplace I passed
I spotted Dinledhwen
And did she have class!
I was all set
To write her name in my book
When Legolas came up and gave me a
Real dirty look!

It should've been me
With that fine Eldar-lady
It should've been a Baggins
With that fine Elven-skirt
It should've been me
I could have taught her how to flirt!

When I got to the corner
I saw where Cousin Pippin sat
With a 300 silver penny suit on
And a 100 silver penny hat
He was lurking on the boardwalk
Waiting for Tori*Took
When she came out she said (to him)
"Honey, you got the look!"

It should've been me
With that fine hobbit-lassie
It should've been a Baggins
With that fine hobbit-beauty
It should've been me
Hey hey hey, hey, pickin' up that Tookish cutie

I ate a bowl of porridge
And I felt OK
At least until I passed
This fine Café
I saw Sam eatin'
A great big steak
While Rosie-lass stood by feedin' him
Ice cream and cake!

It should've been me
With that fine hobbit-maiden
It should've been a Baggins
It makes my heart ache
You know, it should've been me
Eatin' ice cream and cake!

It should've been me
Makin' those passes
It should've been Frodo Baggins
Appeasin' those masses
Hey hey hey, hey, lovin' those, lovely lasses...

---

Read this while listening to 'The Rose' as performed by Bette Midler
The Gift

Some say Friendship, it is a roadmap
To help us find what we must seek
Some say Friendship is an anchor
That drags us into the deep

Some say Friendship is a mirage
That we see only what we wish to view
I say Friendship is a journey
There is no one I'd rather journey with than you

The heart that is afraid to believe
Will never be given trust
The sword that is never drawn
Will fall in time to rust
The feet that pause upon the threshhold
Will never come to the Sea
But if you choose to take this road now,
You'll likely die with me

If we stayed in the Shire, we'd be safer
Right up 'til the time we are slain
Or enslaved or driven from our homes
To do nothing would be vain
So we go, Sam and I, and our dear Friends
With the help of Men and Dwarves and Elves
And as we walk, I know that Friendship
Is a gift that we give ourselves.

---

Denethor sings...tongue in cheek....
Palantiri
tune: TV Dinners, by ZZTop

Palantiri...I found it in a box
Palantiri... sometimes it even talks
I look in it but I don't understand
I see stuff and hear stuff in faraway lands, oh yeah!

Palantiri... there's voices in my head
Palantiri... my oldest son is dead
I'm a doddering old turkey in a tower of white stone
And when my youngest son arrives, I won't throw him a bone, oh no!

Palantiri... I'm feeling kinda blue
Palantiri... now Faramir's dying, too
I see the black ships sailing and my city is on fire
This wasn't in the job description...
I think I will retire, oh yeah!

The rule of Gondor is mine, all mine, oh yeah
Listen to me whine:
It is time for those who would not be slaves
to burn...

---

The Shire Is Our Home
This Land Is Your Land,words and music by Woody Guthrie

Chorus:
This Shire is your Shire, this Shire is my Shire
From the Sarn Ford crossing, to the Fornost marshes
From the Westmarch borders, to the Brandywine's waters
This Shire was made for you and me

As I was walking that Eastbound highway
I saw above me an endless skyway
I saw behind me a soft green valley
This Shire is home for you and me

Chorus

I've roamed and wandered and I've crossed my footsteps
From the Midgewater Marshes to the Dagorlad Desert
No matter where I went, a voice sang inside me:
The Shire is home for you and me

Chorus

Is the sun shining behind that black cloud?
Mirages appear and the leave us weeping
In the fog stumbling, I can't hear the voice speaking
The Shire is home for you and me

Chorus

As I was walkin' - I saw a mountain
It's peak was smokin', the land was dyin'
I couldn't climb it, my Sam he bore me
The Shire we may never again see!

Chorus

The Ring is unmade, the Dark Tower fallen
The Eagles save us, the War is ended
The King is crowned now, we're riding home soon
The Shire was saved, but not for me

---

Bilbo the Riddling Burglar
tune: The Devil Went Down To Georgia, by Charlie Daniels Band

Bilbo went down to Erebor
He was looking for some gold to steal
He was a little concerned
’Cause he was facing a wurm
A great fire-breathin’ eel
When he came upon an old thing croakin,
Squattin’ in the dark with a magic Ring
And in a smooth voice, he offered him a choice and said
"Gollum, Let me introduce you to Sting...

"I bet you didn’t know it
but I’m a riddle master, ’tis true
And if you care to take a dare
I’ll make a bet with you:
Now you look pretty hungry, my boy
Dinner must be long overdue,
I’ll wager you my rump that you can’t stump
me with a riddle; Let’s tell a few!"

The thing said "My name’s Gollum
And it might be a crime,
There’s no riddle been told that I don’t know
It’s gonna be Gollum’s feeding-time!"

chorus:
Bilbo, better scratch your noggin and your best riddles say
’cos Gollum’s got supper on his mind, and you’re the guest entree!
And if you win you get this shiny Ring you want a bunch
But if you lose then Gollum gets his lunch!

Many riddles those two told and many answer’d in that darkling hole
Gollum’s stomach was growling, and off of Bilbo sweat did roll.
Gollum asked a hard one and
he made an evil hisssssss...
Bilbo hemmed and hawed and pulled his hair
And said "Time!" (a lucky answer, this!)

While Gollum cursed, Bilbo laughed
"This is the last riddle on the docket
Just sit down on that stump right there
And tell me, "What have I got in my pocket?"

chorus:
Escape from the mountain, run Dwarves run!
Bilbo appears with the rising sun
Dragon’s on the rampage, breathing flame
Hard to say who is to blame!

Then Bilbo bowed his head
Because he knew that the tale was told
And he gave to his nephew reluctantly
That shiny band of gold.
Frodo said "Bilbo, how’d you get this magic
Ring away from that there shark?"
Answered he "It is a wonder
What a hobbit can plunder
When he is working in the dark!"

---

Big Black Scary Mountain
tune of Big Rock Candy Mountain

One evening as the sun went down and the hearthwood fire was burning
On a chair sat a hobbit hurting, and he said, "Lads, I'm not returning;
I'm headin' for a land that's far away, even though my fright is mountin'.
Come with me, if you must, and we'll seek the Big Black Scary Mountain"

On the Big Black Scary Mountain there's a crack that's filled with fire
Where the Dark Lord forged his One Ring, and the survival rate is dire
Where the land is grey and empty and the water is bitter and scarce
There are no birds or bees and a lack of trees
Where the breezes reek and foul smoke leaks
From the Big Black Scary Mountain

Of the Big Black Scary Mountain, there's an annoying lack of maps
And Gollum's missing most his teeth and the Nazgul fly in packs
The wasted land is full of pits, and the pits are full of orcs
Oh, don't you know, I don't want to go
Where sunlight don't fall and the stars don't show
On the Big Black Scary Mountain

In the Big Black Scary Mountain I have to throw the Ring
Before Sauron catchs up with me and takes away the thing
The Ringwraiths will be chasing me and anyone who comes along
There's a really good chance this'll be my last dance
So I'm taking Sam in case I get entranced
To the Big Black Scary Mountain

In the Big Black Scary Mountain the Ring calls out my name
And I hear my own voice saying "I will not do this thing"
If Gollum hadn't been there, the story would've ended worse
I'm covered in grime but I'm feelin' fine
And the Eagles got here just in time
To save me from the Big Black Scary Mountain

I do not grieve, I am glad to leave the Big Black Scary Mountain

---

Samwise Sings the Blues
tune: Heard It Through the Grapevine

Oo, Bet you’re wond’ring how I knew
’bout your plans to make me blue
By leavin’ us here, that is cruel hard!
Without the seven of us
To form your honour guard

It took me by surprise, I must say,
when I found out you were at bay.

Oo I heard it through the grapevine,
Boromir had been most un-kind
Oo, I heard it through the grapevine,
and I know what made him lose his mind
Precious, precious yeah

You know a hobbit ain’t supposed to cry,
but these tears I can’t hold inside
Losin’ you would end my life you see,
’cause you mean that much to me
You could have told me yourself
Instead of sneakin’ off like an elf

Instead
I heard it through the grapevine,
That you’d wandered off through the pines
Oo, I heard it through the grapevine,
Don’t say ’tis "not so" I’ll know you’re lyin’
Precious, precious yeah

I understand why you want to flee
I would too, if he came after me!
’Tis the Ring what made him cross
So let us go, and cut our loss

I figured out in my own way
You were plannin’ to leave today

Oo I felt that it was high-time
Now unless you wanna hear me whine
You’ll give your word or make a sign
That you’ll ne’er leave your Samwise behind
Precious, precious, yeah

---

You Can't Have The Ring (sung by Sméagol)
to the tune: You Can't Hurry Love, by Supremes

I need my Ring, love
To ease my mind
I need to find, find the guy who stole mine
But Baggins said:

"You can't have the Ring
That I found by the lake."
He said 'What's in my pocket?'
We played a game of give and take

"You can't have the Ring
No matter what threat you make
I got the answer 'give me time'
Now, me to the exit you must take!"

But how many heart-aches
Must I stand before I find my ring
To let me live again?
Precious is the only thing
That keeps me hangin' on.
I can feel my grip, yeah
It's growing strong...
I remember Baggins said:

You can't have the Ring
(I should've know he was fake)
He said he was just lost here
But he knew which way in to take!

How long must I wait?
How much more can I take?
Losing the Precious will cause my slimey
Heart to break!

No, I can't bear to live my life without this thing
I went out looking for the Baggins who stole my Ring
But when I feel that I, I can't go on
The Precious memories keeps me hangin' on
I remember Baggins said:

"You can't have it back!"
Oh, it makes my heart ache!
He away took my Birthday present
I'll find him no matter how long it takes!

No, Ring, Ring, don't come easy
But I keep on searching
Listening for that soft voice
To talk to me at night
For some tender fish
It tastes just right
I keep looking
I keep on looking
All the way to Mordor
Down to Mordor
But DarkLord said:

"You can't have My Ring
But I'll give you a break...
If you tell me who took It
I'll let you escape."

They say, I can't have the Ring
Oh, they will learn their mistake
I say, they ain't seen nuthing
I'll do anything for Precious' sake!

*wanders off, popping fingers and humming....*