Sung to the tune of...

Hobbits, Rangers, and Elves
tune: Teach Your Children Well, by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young

A Ranger on the road
Must have a code that he can live by
And so become a king
Because you are one destined to try.
Teach your Hobbits well,
The Nazgul's spell will slowly freeze them
So tell them of your dreams
Of she who waits, for whom you would die
Don't you ever leave their side, if you do, then they
might die,
So just look at them and sigh and know they need you.

And you of tender hearts,
You can't know your loss, that the Elves will fail,
And so please help them with your youth,
They must hold their oath before they can sail.
Teach your Eldar well,
Their grey ships sailing and slowly fading,
Lend your innocence
To those who've come down through the Ages
Don't you ever ask them how, if they told you, you
still won't know,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.

Rent-a-Ranger
tune: Shall We Dance
Music by Richard Rodgers and Lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein II
from The King and I

We've just been introduced
I do not know you well
But when I saw you at last
Something drew me to your side

So many men and hobbits
Are here in the Pony
It made me think we might find a likely wilderness
guide

Shall we flee?
On a bright Bree-hill morning shall we fly?
Shall we flee?
Shall you then get us lost and say "goodbye?"

Or, per chance when the five wraiths have jumped us on
the sly
Shall you be most cunning and send their shrouded
booties running
And shall you go on to become King?
On the clear understanding that this kind of thing can
happen
Shall we flee?
Shall we flee?
Shall we flee?

A contribution to LOTR: the Rock-Opera ...Lothithil ... Apologies to Prof T, P. Gabriel, Stix, et al...

A scene from the Act One, Frodo's departure

Bad Times
tune: Big Time, by Peter Gabriel

I'm on my way, I'm taking It
I know this won't be fun, no
so much larger than me
I'm going to see It undone, though

the place where I come from is a small land
they think so small
they use small words
-but not me
I'm smarter than that
I've studied lore
I've been learning my runes
And brought the big world to my door

I have no choice, I've got to go
beyond the Shire, the peaceful Shire
It need savin', to be a haven
tho my feet cannot stand there again
and I will pray to a star-queen
as I flee through the Wild

bad times
I'm on my way-I'm taking it
bad times bad times
I know this won't be fun, no
bad times bad times
so much larger than me
bad times
I'm going to see It undone, though
bad times

my parties all have best wine
and I greet guests with the widest smile
let them think my life is one big Adventure
of course they are amazed
when I sell my lovely my house, move away
To Crickhollow, though they aren't to know
I will not wait there for more than a day
and my burden will be a great weight
and I will ride through the Hay Gate

bad times
I'm on my way-I'm taking it
bad times bad times
I know this won't be fun, no
bad times bad times
so much larger than me
I'm going to see It undone, though
bad times bad times
my friends are getting nosy
bad times
we secretively mosey
bad times
the Ring is getting stronger
bad times
and my fear...
bad times
my belly is getting thinner
bad times
and my Sam, he frowns
bad times
can't we make a little stop
bad times
before we climb the hill of Weathertop?

and then the first scene of Act Two, Waking up in Rivendell

Hannon le, Mr. Elrond-o,
tune: Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, STIX

Domo arigato, Mr. Elrond-o,
Mae govannen, hannon le
Domo arigato, Mr. Elrond-o,
Tolo dan nan galad, lasto beth nin

You're wondering who I am-an Elf or am I Man
My story is in the Sil, I am the peredhil
I've got a secret I've been hiding from the Dark Lord
My flesh immortal, I wield an Elf-Ring, I command the ford
So if you see me acting strangely, don't be surprised
I'm just a member of the Council with something to hide
To keep Hope alive- just to keep hope alive
Someplace to rest, before seeking the West

I'm not a robot without emotions-I'm not unfeeling
I'll try to help you with your problems, so we can be free
I'm not a hero, I'm not a saviour, just an Elf who can heal
And give advice and tell you a tale to make the danger real
I cannot take It- we cannot wield It
We must destoy It-Will someone take It?

I am the Edain, who stands behind the task
So Sauron will not get the Ring that I protect

Domo arigato, Mr. Elrond-o, domo...domo
Domo arigato, Mr. Elrond-o, domo...domo
Domo arigato, Mr. Elrond-o, domo...domo
Thank you very much, Mr. Elrond-o
For saving Frodo when nobody else could
And thank you very much, Mr. Elrond-o
For helping him escape just when he needed to
Thank you-thank you, thank you
I want to thank you, please, thank you

The problem's plain to see: too much apathy
Morgoth's seeds are sown. Mordor's strength has grown

The time has come at last
To attempt this fateful task
So everyone can be
Numbered among the Free
I'm Elrond! Elrond! Elrond! Elrond!

A song of sillyness for the romantic-types..

Romantics of Middle-earth
tune: Uptown Girl, by Billy Joel

Aragorn strolls into the Prancing Pony, and picks up the mic, and begins to sing
Half-elf girl
She's been dwelling in her pastel world
Living the elf-life for several thousand years
I wonder if she's thinkin' about changing gears

I'm gonna try for an half-elf girl
She's been living in a fading world
The Elves are making for the western land
And now she's falling for a dunadan
That's what I am

And though she knows that
Her choice is the fatal kind
She still loves me
She's made up her mind

She sees I'm not so rough
Just because
I'm in love with Undomiel...oooff!!

Merry and Pipping tackle Strider to the ground and Sam grabs the mic...

I've been trying to break outta my shell
I've seen Rosie give me a bright smile
For her I would walk many a mile
She's got some style

Halfling girl
I know I can't afford to buy her pearls
But maybe someday before my ship comes in
She'll understand what kind of guy I've been
And then I'll win

And when she's dancing
She's looking so fine
And when I come home
She'll say that she's mine

She'll say I'm not too late
That'd be great
I wanna go on a date
With an Halfling girl

She's been living in her hobbit world
When this quest is over, I'll become her man
I want to hear her say she loves her Sam
That is my plan

Sam and Aragorn sing together
Halfling girl
She's my Halfling girl
You know I'm in love
With an half-elf girl
My half-elf girl
You know I'm in love...

Frodo Rowed The Boat Ashore
tune: MICHAEL - 12/10/1961 The Highwaymen

Frodo rowed the boat ashore, O Elbereth
He couldn't put it off no more, O Elbereth

Samwise wished for the drier ground, O Elbereth
Glad his master didn't let him drown'd, O Elbereth

"Confounded nuisence," Frodo said, slightly terse, O Elbereth
"Sam, I'm glad your here, for better or worse" , O Elbereth

Tol Brandir guards the golden falls, O Elbereth
Rauros utters an endless call, O Elbereth

The Fellowship's broken beyond repair, O Elbereth
Frodo fights against despair, O Elbereth

The river is deep and the river is wide, O Elbereth
Orcs patrol the Eastern side, O Elbereth

Frodo goes to fulfill the Quest, O Elbereth
Hoping someday to find his rest, O Elbereth

Sam's Lament
tune: Every Breath You Take, by Sting

Every Road you take
Every vow you make
Every time you wake
Though my heart may break
I'll be right with you

Every single day
Every place you stay
Every song you play
Everywhere you stray
I'll be right with you

O can't you see
I'm devoted to thee
How my poor heart aches as the Ring makes you break

Every move you make
As your poor hands shake
For the Shire's sake
I know what's at stake
I'll be right with you

Since you've fallen I've been lost without a trace
I close my eyes I can only see your face
I look around but it is you I can't replace
You feel so cold and your skin's as white as lace
I keep calling "Frodo, Frodo...Please!!

No more moves will you make
No more vows will you take
No more smiles to fake
No more breaths to take
I am lost without you

One Night In Mordor, a Lemming Duet with Plummet and Diver
tune: One Night in Bangkok, by Murray Head, from the musical Chess.

Plummet says:
Mordor, uncomfortable setting
And the Dark Lord don't know what a headache he's getting
The creme de la creme of the Shire featuring
Frodo Baggins as Bearer of the Ring

Time flies -- doesn't seem a minute
Since the Valinor spa had the Noldo boys in it
All change -- don't you know that when you
Make this kinda epic, there's no ordinary venue

It's Angband --
or the Thangorodrim --
or Helcaraxe -- or --
or this place!

Diver sings:
Just claim the Ring and the world's my banana
No one could tell me what to do or say
I'd shine so brightly, look like a holy Vala
And if I'm lucky I won't fade away
I can see a ringwraith looking for his prey

Plummet says:
One halfling's very like another
When your Eye is bloodshot with a hangover, brother

Diver sings:
It's a drag, it's a bore, it's hardly very regal
To be looking for the Ring, and having lunch with Smeagol

Plummet says:
Whaddya mean? Ya seen one crazy, emaciated, obsessive halfling, you've seen 'em all!!

Diver sings:
Tea, Sam, warm, sweet
Get me a room in the Henneth Annun suite

Plummet says:
Get real! You're listening to a gold band
Whose only desire is to be on your hand
I only want my master to be healed faster!

Diver sings:
One night in Mordor makes a hobbit humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
To toss It into the Fire and the mountains crumble
Can't be too careful with our company
I can smell Smeagol walking next to me

Plummet says:
Sauron's gonna be the witness
To the ultimate test of spiritual fitness
This scares me more than would a
Muddy old river or graven Argonath
And thank Eru Frodo's only bearing the ring --
ignoring it --
I don't see you guys crating
This wretched ring whose voice he's hating
He'd let you help, he would invite you
But Ring would only twist and bite you
So you better go back to your cities, your wars,
your armour and maps

Diver sings:
One more night in Gorgoroth and my chore is finished
The Mount of Fire is underneath our feet
I find that my strength is steadily diminished
But for Samwise, my attempt would be defeat
I can feel Elbereth smiling down on me!

Last night in Mordor makes a hobbit stumble
Not much between the mighty and the meek
Samwise bears me, until he takes a tumble
He knew he should have choked that little sneak
I can feel the Dark Lord welling up in me.

Dwarven Oasis
Friends in Low Places, by Dewayne Blackwell, Bud Lee

Blame it all on my beard
I am just what you feared
To arrive at your Elvish soiree
The last one to know
The last one to show
I was the last one
You thought you'd see today
And I saw the surprise
And the disgust in the eyes
Of that Elf who is son of the king
What're you lookin' at?
"Don't trust an Elf" I then spat
"I will be dead before you get this Ring!"

'Cause I've got friends in deep places
Where the waters once drowned
And the orcs had chased my kin away
But Balin's there today
I'm not big on facial groomin'
Think I'll slip on down to Khazad-dum
Oh, I've got friends in deep places

Well, my axe is in shards
The Ring is too hard
But that's never happened before
Nuthin' is right
I'll join in the fight
You guys are gonna need a Dwarf
Hey, I didn't mean
To cause a big scene
The halfling, he steps forward, and
Takes up the job that
No-one else can do
I'm gonna give him a hand

'Cause I wanna go to Moria
It gives me a sense
Of euphoria, just thinking about
Taking that route
I'm not big on elvish grace
I'd like to punch Legolas in his pretty face
Oh, I've got friends in deep places

I guess I should-a listened to dad
This elf, he ain't half bad
But then, I've never met one
Nor learned that they toil
And that they are loyal
And that sometimes they can be quite fun
Now Legolas is a pain in the cuirass
But give him an arrow and bow
And he'll kill an orc
Before you can say "fork"
That's the kind of Elf I want to know!

'Cause I got friends with pointed ears
I will help Frodo go
Against all his fears
To the Dark Lord's forge
In the Fiery Gorge
I'm not good at makin' cake
But I can slice up an orc
In a half a shake, oh I got friends,
Gonna give Sauron a headache!

Shelob's Restaurant
tune: Alice's Restaurant, by Arlo Guthrie
(words defaced by Lothithil and bombadilwasrobbed)

This song is called Shelob's Restaurant, and it's about Shelob, and the
restaurant, but Shelob's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant,
that's just the name of the song, and that's why I called the song Shelob's
Restaurant.

You can get anything you want at Shelob's Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Shelob's Restaurant
Walk right in go round the jungle
Just a half a mile from the Cirith Ungol
You can get anything you want at Shelob's Restaurant

Now it all started two Rethes ago, was on - two years ago on Rethe, when my friend and I went up to visit Shelob at the restaurant, but Shelob doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the cave nearby the restaurant, in the dark tunnel, with her husband Peter Parker and Smeagol the sneak. And livin' in the dark tunnel like that, they got a lot of room downstairs where the orcs used to be. Havin' all that room, seein' as how they devoured all the orcs, they decided that they didn't have to take out their piles of bones and rags for a long time.

We got up there, we found all the piles of bones and rags in there, and we decided it'd be a friendly gesture for us to take the piles of bones and rags down to the Morgul Vale Public Disposal Area. So we took the half a ton of piles of bones and rags, put it in the back of a red double-axle haywain, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed
on toward the Morgul Vale Public Disposal Area.

Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the
dump saying, "Closed on Rethe." And we had never heard of a dump closed on Rethe before, and with tears in our eyes we drove off into the sunset looking for another place to put the piles of bones and rags.

We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the side of the
side road there was a fifteen foot cliff and at the bottom of the cliff there was another pile of piles of bones and rags. And we decided that one big pile is better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up we decided to throw our's down.

That's what we did, and drove back to the cave, had a Rethe dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the next morning, when we got a message from the Wraithking. He said, "Kid, we found your name on a scroll at the bottom of a half a ton of piles of bones and rags, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it." And I said, "Yes, sir, Wraithking, I cannot tell a lie, I put that scroll under that piles of bones and rags."

After speaking to the Wraithking in a series of return messages we finally arrived at the truth of the matter and he said that we had to go down and pick up the piles of bones and rags, and also had to go down and speak to him at the ringwraith's lair. So we got in the red double-axle haywain with the shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the ringwraith's lair.

Now friends, there was only one or two things that the Wraithking coulda done at the wraith lair, and the first was he could have given us a medal for being so brave and honest in our return messages, which wasn't very likely, and we didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us out and told us never to be seen driving piles of bones and rags around the vicinity again,which is what we expected, but when we got to the ringwraith's lair there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was both immediately arrested. Shackled. And I said "Mr Wraithking, I don't think I can pick up the piles of bones and rags with these shackles on." He said, "Shut up, kid. Get on the back of the Black Horse."

And that's what we did, sat on the back of the Black Horse and rode to the
quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about the town of Minas Morgul, where this happened here, they got three stop signs, six ringwraiths, and one Black Horse, but when we got to the Scene of the Crime there was two more ringwraiths and eight more Black Horses, it being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to get in the fireside tale about it. And they was using up all kinds of orc equipment that they had hanging around the ringwraith's lair. They was taking plaster hoof-prints, foot prints, dog smelling prints, and they made twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy sketches with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. Drew sketches of the approach, the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to mention the aerial sketches.

After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. The Wraithking said he was going to put us in the cell. Said, "Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your wallet and your belt." And I said, "Mr Wraithking, I can understand you wanting my wallet so I don't have any silver pennies to spend in the cell, but what do you want my belt for?" And he said, "Kid, we don't want any hangings." I said, "Mr Wraithking, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?" The Wraithking said he was making sure, and a real friend the Wraithking was, cause he took out the toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars, roll the toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. The Wraithking was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Shelob (remember Shelob? It's a song about Shelob), Shelob came by and with a few nasty words to the Wraithking on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back to the cave, had a another Rethe dinner that couldn't be beat,
and didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court.

We walked in, sat down, the Wraithking came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy sketches with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, sat down. Uruk came in said, "All rise." We all stood up, and the Wraithking stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy sketches, and Sauron walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he sat down, we sat down. The Wraithking looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy sketches with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog. And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy sketches with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry, 'cause the Wraithking came to the realization that it was a typical case of Mordor blind justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and Sauron wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy sketches with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us, because his Eye was busy elsewhere. And we was fined 50 Mallorn leaves and had to pick up the piles of bones and rags in the snow, but thats not what I came to tell you about.

Came to talk about the draft.

They got a building down in Minas Tirith, it's called the Citadel,
where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected,
neglected and selected. I went down to get my physical examination one
day, and I walked in, I sat down, had many mugs of mead the night before, so I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. `Cause I wanted to look like the all-Eriadorian kid from Hobbiton, I wanted to, I wanted to be the all Eriadorian kid from Hobbiton, and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the brain healer, room 604."

And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I
wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and
guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill,
KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL," and
he started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down
yelling, "KILL, KILL." And the sargeant came over, pinned a medal on me,
sent me down the hall, said, "You're our hobbit."

Didn't feel too good about it.

Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections,
detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me
at the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four
hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty
ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was
inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no
part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the
last man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there,
and I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Kid, we only got
one question. Have you ever been arrested?"

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Shelob's Restaurant Massacre,
with full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all
the phenome... - and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, did you ever
go to court?"

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten
colour glossy sketches with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on
the back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, I want
you to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W .... NOW kid!!"

And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's
where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after
committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly
looking people on the bench there. Horse-nappers. Highwaymen. Mushroom thieves! Mushroom thieves sitting right there on the bench next to me! And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest mushroom thief of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay 50 Mallorn leaves and pick up the piles of bones and rags." He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?" And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench
there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I
said, "And creating a nuisance." And they all came back, shook my hand,
and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, horse-napping,
mushroom thieving, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking pipeweed, until the Sargeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it up and said.

"Kids, this-piece-of-parchment's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna- know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing- you-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting- ringwraith's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and talked for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the quills on the bench there, and I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the quill, and I turned over the piece of parchment, and there, there on the other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on the other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the following words:

("KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?")

I went over to the sargeant, said, "Sargeant, you got a lot a cram gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench 'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn women, kids, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug." He looked at me and said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints off to Rivendell."

And friends, somewhere in Rivendell enshrined in some little folder, is a
study in black and white of my fingerprints. And the only reason I'm
singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar
situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a
situation like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk into
the shrink wherever you are ,just walk in say "Shrink, You can get
anything you want, at Shelob's Restaurant.". And walk out. You know, if
one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and
they won't take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony,
they may think they're both Elves and they won't take either of them.
And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in
singin a bar of Shelob's Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an
organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day,I said
fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Shelob's Restaurant and
walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a movement.

And that's what it is , the Shelob's Restaurant Anti-Massacre Movement, and
all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the
harps.

With feeling. So we'll wait for it to come around on the harps, here and
sing it when it does. Here it comes.

You can get anything you want, at Shelob's Restaurant
You can get anything you want, at Shelob's Restaurant
Walk right in go round the jungle
Just a half a mile from the Cirith Ungol
You can get anything you want, at Shelob's Restaurant

That was horrible. If you want to destroy the Ring and stuff you got to sing loud. I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes. I could sing it for another twenty five minutes. I'm not proud... I've got all day.

So we'll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part
harmony and feeling.

We're just waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing.

All right now.

You can get anything you want, at Shelob's Restaurant
Excepting Shelob
You can get anything you want, at Shelob's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the Cirith Ungol
You can get anything you want, at Shelob's Restaurant

Da da da da da da da dum
At Shelob's Restaurant

I Stung the Hobbit
to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff, by Bob Marley

I stung the hobbit, but I didn't sting no gardener
Oh, no, oh
I stung the hobbit, but I didn't sting no gardener
Ooh, ooh, ooh Yeah
All around in my hometown
They're tryin' to track me down, yeah
They say they want to bring me in guilty
For the killing of a ringbearer, for the life of a ringbearer

But I say, oh, now, now...
Oh, I stung the hobbit, but I swear it was in self defense
Ooh, ooh, ooh
I said, I stung the hobbit, Oh Lawks
And they say it is a capital offense
Ooh, ooh, ooh

Hear this
Hobbit Sam Gamgee always hated me
For what I don't know
Ev'ry time I spin a web
He said, "Cut it before it grows."
He said, "Cut them before they grow."
And so, oh, now, now,

Hear it in the news
I stung the hobbit, but I swear it was in self defense
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Where was the gardener?
I said I stung the hobbit but I swear it was in self defense

Entree came my way one day
And I started to chow down, yeah!
All of a sudden I saw Hobbit Sam Gamgee
Coming to cut me down
‘Cause I stung, I stung, I stung Frodo down
And I say, if I am guilty I will pay

I stung the hobbit, but I say, but I didn't sting no gardener
Ooh, no, oh
I stung the hobbit, but I didn't sting no gardener
Ooo, ooo, ooh

Reflexes had the better of me
And what is to be must be
Ev'ry day the spider climbs her thread
One day, the silk will not hold
One day, the silk will not hold
I say, I, I, ...
I, I stung the hobbit, but I didn't sting the gardener, no

laughs maniacally, then scurries off to find something else to take her mind of the impending release of ROTK

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