Return to top of page
The Battle Hymn of Middle-earth
tune: Battle Hymn of the Republic
Mine ears have heard the sorrow
Of the fading of the Elves.
They are sailing from the Havens
Finding lands made for themselves.
All their news and history
Are booked upon my shelves
I hate to see them go!
O Gilthoniel Elbereth!
I pray to you with my last breath;
May I come to you to find my last rest!
With them I wish to go!
Mine eyes have seen the horror
Of the Burning of the Shire.
Homes and gardens desolate
The wooded groves afire.
If Sandyman's responsible
He'll come to know my ire,
When I go home again!
Golden Lady! In your mirror
I saw the Shadow drawing nearer,
My purpose is becoming clearer:
Bring Frodo home again!
Mine eyes have seen the beauty
Of the Lady of the Wood
She has given me a gift of love
And a nifty cloak and hood
Three silken strands of golden hair
And tasty Elven food
This Dwarf has lost his heart!
Legolas, I am weeping
In my soul this beauty's seeping
My heart is ever in her keeping
I should not dared have come!
Mine eyes have seen the mystery
Of the walking, talking trees.
In all my years of life I
Never dreamed that I would see...
Magnificently animated
Debating history
I feel like a child again!
Fangorn, sir, your forest so old.
On Gimli this idea I have sold:
To travel here, may we be so bold
After this Quest is done!
Mine eyes have seen the glory
of the coming of the Sword.
Elendil's heir is here at last
To battle the Dark Lord.
He has made a great alliance
Between Men and Elves and Dwarves;
Our Hope has been returned!
Ai! Eglario Telcontir-o!
Ai! Eglario Elessar-o!
Cuio Aragorn annon-o!
Our King has been returned!
Parth Galen Pathos
tune: 8 days a week, by the Beatles
Ooh! I've scared you, Frodo...
(Let me put down this dry wood)
The bravest Man would say that
You've done all that you could!
Come to... Gondor...
Come to... Gondor...
You need to rest and I need
To borrow your gold Ring!
Ooh! I need your Ring, I
Hope you know I'm true...
Yes, I need your Ring, I
Swear I'll give it back to you!
Loan me... the Ring...
Loan me... the Ring...
I don't want nuthin' but a chance
To save Gondor!
To save Gondor...
There is no other way-a-ay!
To defeat the Dark Lord
My soul's the coin that I would pay!
Ooh! Don't run away, Frodo!
I did not mean to curse!
Gondor might be bad, but
Mordor is far worse!
Come back... Frodo
Come back... Frodo
What have I done? I drove him
Away, and slain my hope.
having Boromir sympathies tonight
Forevermore
tune: Time, by Alan Parson's Project
Elvish backup singers accompanied on a gentle harp
I'm...
Going to the Havens...
I'm...
Going to the Sea...
Who knows when we shall meet again
If ever
So Sam...
Come ride with me
To the sea
Goodbye Samwise
Maybe for forever
Goodbye my friend
The tide waits for me
Who knows where we shall meet again
If ever?
But I'm
Going to Eressea
(on and on)
Beyond the sea, Beyond the sea
Till I'm healed forever
Healed forever
Healed forevermore
Goodbye my friends
(Merry and Pip)
Maybe for forever
Goodbye my friends
(who knows when we shall meet again)
The Elves wait for me
Who knows when we shall meet again
If ever?
But I'm
Sure we shall met again
(on and on)
Outside of Time, Outside of Time...
Then we will sing forever
Sing forever
Sing forevermore
Forevermore
Forevermore
The Dunadan
tune: Desperado
Dunadan...
Why don't you go do your duty?
You've been acting so moody
You must pay Isuldur's debt.
You've walked a hard road
I know that you've had your reasons:
The woman who's pleasin'
you is off limits yet.
You should pray to the Queen of Stars, m'boy;
She'll help you when she wants to.
You know the Kindler's always been your best friend.
You are a Man, you have got the ring
Of Barahir on your finger
But you won't admit that you are Gondor's heir...
Dunadan...
She ain't gettin' no older.
The lies that you told 'er
Won't convince her to leave.
Arwen loves you
I know that she's got her reasons:
Immune to the seasons,
To you only, she'll cleave.
So take up your sword and keep your oath
It's Frodo who now needs you most.
His Burden is one that you cannot share.
Protect him and lead the way,
Until Boromir frightens him one day...
Then fulfill your vow and become Elendil's heir.
Dunadan...
Go to Gondor in my stead
Rescue my people;
Abolish my sin
You are my Captain,
My Brother, and also my King!
To Minas Tirith bring
My family news that I died well.
My Friend
tune: Time in a bottle
If I had a star in a bottle,
If I had a deed I must do,
There isn't a Man or an Elf in this land
That I need, so long as I have you.
If I could, I would put off forever
This journey that I have to make.
The Shire is my home; streams, fresh air, and loam,
The thought of leaving it makes my heart ache.
There doesn't seem to be enough healing
In the Shire; my wounds never mend.
I'll wait until the Book is done
And you are married, then I'll run off to the Havens.
She gave you a box full of memories
Of a place and a time that's no more.
With each seed you sow, that vision will grow
Of that land that bloomed on the Gore.
There never seems to be an end
To all the tales you hear about Adventures...
I've been around long enough to know
That you will be a friend even after I need dentures!
I know...YOU try to find something that rhymes with 'Adventures'
(Brings out guitar, strums a tuning note...)
The Shire's Hill of Green
tune: Jerusalem (England's Mountains Green)
[you know..."And did those feet, in ancient times
walk upon England's mountains green"...etc.]
And did those feet
covered with hair
walk in the Shire's
hills of green?
And did they carry
him away
from air so sweet
and water clean?
Where is he now?
Where does he quest
with all his friends?
I'd like to know...
They passed away
out of the Shire
where decent hobbits
never go!
Bring me my cloak
of Elven grey,
Bring me my sword
the Spider's Sting,
Bring me my glass:
Earendil's rays,
Bring me my shirt
of mithril rings!
I will not fail
nor cast aside
this evil thing
that all desire...
Until I stand
in Sauron's land
and throw the Ring
into the Fire!
(whistles)
and here's a little number for you R. Palmer fans...
The Transparent Hobbit
tune: Addicted to Love
(Four tall leggy Elven back-up singers playing air-guitars)
Your curly hair
Those big blue eyes
make all... the maidens sigh
Your milky skin
your lovely smile
will get you furrrrther than a mile!
but I must say
one gift you lack
if you dont mind... my use of tact
if an un-truth
you must tell
don't say a word... it would be well!
you_ can_not_ LIE!!
it would be bet-ter
not to try!
When Faramir
puts it to you,
you tell a fib
and he sees right through!!
It was in Bree
when you first lied
"I carry nooothing", you denied
"I am all right"
You said to Sam
And we all knew... you're full of spam!!
So in the future
it would be wise
to not look... them in the eyes
and if you do
try not to blink
'cause some are smarrrter than you think!
Your gonna have to face it
you're transparent as glass!!
*UH!*
(segue into RP's Simply Irrisistable)
He is gone!
There's no telling where the hobbit went...
He put It on
there's no doubtin' were he's going...
*Whoa-O-oh!*
Glorfindel's Song
tune: Take it easy, by the Eagles
I'm a-riding down the Road
In full 'Elf-Lord' mode
Got a little halfling on my mind...
Looking for a Ranger
Who is not a stranger
They're so hard to find!
"Noro lim! Asfaloth! Tracks are hazy...
Don't let the Dead Kings from the East
Drive ya crazy!"
Well, we saw some on Mithlond
Nearly pulled an 'Elrond',
But the bad guys, they got clean away.
So I rode for nine days
Through this woodland maze
And I found him in time to say:
"Mae Govannen! Ai na vedui Dunadan!
you got 5 'wraiths on your tail;
I better give you a hand!"
Now this Frodo Baggins guy,
He is only half-high
But his soul, it is a shining star.
And without even tryin'
I can see that he's dyin'
He may not make it far.
"Trust me, Samwise! I am an Elf-Lord.
If they come, my horse
Will bear him safely to the Ford!
"Fly! Frodo, fly! Just follow the path!
I'm gonna show these wraiths not to mess
With an Elf-Lord in wrath!"
for "Glory's Girl", you know who you are!!
Farewell to my friends
tune: Seasons in the Sun
Goodbye, Merry, my brother dear,
We've shared laughs and many mugs of beer
Our childhood now seems like a dream
Ol' Farmer Maggot we would tease,
We skinned our hearts, we skinned our knees
We had youth, we had time
We had fun on Brandywine
But the years now are spent
For me no more merriment.
Goodbye, Pippin, you would be
My son if ever I'd had a family
I can't say how much I love you.
In the years that are to come
Celebrate what we have done.
We had joy, we had fun
You gave smiles to everyone
On the journey we took;
For friendship I never had to look.
Goodbye, Samwise, my trusted friend
You stayed with me until the very end.
There is so much I wish for you.
Marry Rose and take my home
I give you everything I own.
We had thirst, we had pain
We had everything to gain
Up a mountain we climbed
To buy the world a little time.
We have oast, we have byre
We have seasons in the Shire
But the wine and the songs,
like the seasons, have all gone.
Yammer-time!! A lemming duet with Diver and Plummet
tune: Superfreak
lemmings
dance into the PP, dressed in parachute-pants and net-shirts; Diver is
wearing red, and has a tiny microphone in his paw...
Diver sings:
My man Smeagol... he is so crafty
He ducks and covers... a little graft-ty
But he is cool... won't break his word
He hides and gibbers when Nazgul's heard!
He's a super-sneak! Super-sneak!
He's super Sneaky *yow*
Diver
moon-walks past Plummet and tosses him the mic. Plummet is
wearing white 'chutes with a black net-shirt. He is also wearing
an eye-patch (to tease me)
Plummet sings:
My man Gollum... he is so nasty
A real villan... so full of sass, he
Hates all Baggins...(yes this one too)
Can't imagine... the deeds he'll do!
He is super-stink, super-stink
He's super stinky *yeah*
Plummet does the "hammer-time" dance... (which it is best for me to leave to the imagination)... and then they sing together:
Smeagol and Gollum... they talk together
The type of friend... you call 'fairweather'
Don't turn your back... don't trust this thing
He will betray you... and take the Ring!
'Cause he's an super-fink, super-fink
He's super Fink-y *wow*
He is a stinky-fink, a sneaky-slink
He's dinky-stinker *yow*
Diver
stand on the bar and bows, throwing wisker-kisses, while Plummet runs
around with an empty hat the size of a thimble and says "Be sure to tip your performers! We're trying to save up enough to go to Toronto!!"
The Witchking
tune: Witchdoctor
I told the Witchking
That I won't give up my Ring!
bum bum bum bum
I told the Witchking
That for it, he could go and sing!
bum bum bum bum
And then the Witchking
this he said to me...
Ghoul! Eekk! Bru-ha-hah!
Naur! Gnash! Rama-lama-whip-lash!
Ghoul! Eekk! Bru-ha-hah
Gnash, Gnash! Rama-lama-whip-lash!
Alone on the Bridge
tune: peaceful easy feeling, by The Eagles
I love to touch your tapered ears, my dear
When we stand smooching by the falls
Let's go dancing in the forest tonight
Where the nightingale calls
'Cause I get a creepy, uneasy feeling
That we are not alone
there's an orcarazzi with a camera
behind that stone
O Arwen , you are so beautiful
An Elvish princess so fair
Your complexion is of whitest cream
A shadow following, your hair
But I got an uneasy, sneaking suspicion
That some one is watching us out here
And the sound of mischievious laughter
Has reached my ear
Undomiel, your voice is restful and sweet
your slightest word a symphony
You inspire me to become a King
you are my Muse, my Calliope.
And I got a wicked, uneasy feeling
that Elrond is staring at me
and his sons, Elrohir and Elladan,
May ambush me!
(puts of John Denver glasses and strums guitar)
Take me Home
tune: Country Roads
Greenway roads
take me home
to the Shire
where I belong
Lothlorien
and Imladris
are nice but
I must go home
To Mordor's gate
I went unwilling
I had a task
no one could do
Just me and Samwise
and our companions
we walked the roads
into peril
I stood alone
in a volcano
I lost the Ring
It was undone
Now greenway roads
lead me back
'cause I can't recall
how to get home.
Dagorlad Resort
tune: Hotel California
In the bleak desert outside
The dark lord's lair
Harsh smell of Dead Marsh
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw the failing light
The Ring grew heavy, and my sight grew dim
It was a Nazgul in flight!
There he sat on his new ride
A vile creature fell
And I was thinking to myself
As my stomach turned into gel
It is the witchking coming!
And I can't get away
Samwise grabbed my hand and held it
I thought I heard him say
Welcome to the Hotel Morannon
Such a dreadful place
Such a dreadful place (background)
Such a desperate race
Not much to eat at Hotel Morannon
I'd give one of my ears
I'd give one of my ears (background)
For half a mug of beer!
His name is Gollum and Smeagol
He is his own best friends
He's rather dirty and he kinds stinks
On him our survival depends
How he irritates Samwise
I think he'll never forget
That friendly nibble on his shoulder
Smeagol will live to regret!
So I called upon Varda
Please protect me and Sam
I said
O Elebereth Gilthoniel
And still I tremble and my knees are weak
Chill your blood in the middle of the night
Just to hear them shriek
Welcome to the Hotel Morannon
Such a dreadful place
Such a dreadful place (background)
Such a desperate race
We're tryin' to get through the Black Gate of Morannon
What are we doing here?
What are we doing here? (background)
My mind is numb with fear
Candles in the Marshes
Dead men in the pools
And he said
Don't follow the lights now
You silly halfling fools
I can't resist a gander
I saw the faces of Men
And Elves and Orcs lying there
Decaying in the vast fen
Last thing I remember
I was falling in the drink
The shades of wraith were reaching out to me, I could not think
Then a hand came from nowhere
And saved me before I drown'd
I turned to thank my Sam
But it was Gollum I found!
What did you call me?
tune: Greensleeves (or What Child is This?)
What hobbit's this that lays to rest
in Samwise's lap is sleeping,
While I return from errand foul;
down from the tunnel creeping?
They caught me in the Emyn Muil
I slipped; the rocks were filmey
Fat Hobbit growled, sat on my head
and said that he would kill me!
But Master spoke and stilled his wrath
And Smeagol he commanded
to take them to the Haunted Pass
Now swear it! Frodo demanded.
From the Marshes to the Morannon
I led them faithfully
Through Ithilien to Morgul Vale
I obeyed them playfully.
I brought some rabbits to my lord
For hours I did seek
But Gamgee stole the meat from him
Then branded me a sneak!
This is the final straw!
I'll take no more crap from this scrawny pair!
I'll get my Precious back, you'll see;
Next stop is Shelob's Lair!
The Trifle of Sauron
Tune: cocaine by Eric Clapton
If you wanna be King, you gotta claim the thing
...Gold Ring...
If you want Denethor to rule in Gondor
...Gold Ring...
It tells lies, it tells lies, it tells lies....
...Gold Ring...
duh duh duh duh...duh-duh...
If you must throw a gift into a fiery rift
... Frodo...
If you're the only one who can get the job done
.
.. Frodo...
You'er the one, you're the one, you're the one...
... Frodo...
duh duh duh duh...duh-duh...
If you're feeling sad and your wound aches bad
... Master ...
I think you could do with some rabbit-stew
.
.. Master ...
I am here, I am here, I am here...
... for you.
duh duh duh duh...duh-duh...
When the shadows shriek and you want to freak...
... the Eye ...
You can feel it pry no matter where you hide,
.
.. the Eye ..
Put It on, put It on, put It on...
...the Ring.
duh duh duh duh...duh-duh...
When you hear a voice under the noise
... it calls...
So lovely and pure, solid gold lure,
... it calls...
It's the Ring, it's the Ring, it's the Ring...
... Of Sauron.
guitar solo.
.................
Frodo's Road
tune: Bobby McGee
Walking down the dusty road
Bound for Rivendell
I have the feeling
We are not alone
Shadows seem to follow me
Cluster in the dark
Our Ranger is taking us
Through land as bare as bone
I pull my cloak closer
And walk into the wind
I'm thinking that this trip
Is a real pain
Pippin's telling Knock-knock jokes
Merry's drinking wine
And Samwise is saying
He thinks it looks like rain
Feeling good was easier then;
The Shire was my whole world
Nothing seemed important
To me then
Feeling good was easy when
We had nothing much to gain,
And now I go to seek a way
to lose...
To lose a treasure that
I did not choose
Through the Moria mithril mines
To the Golden Wood we've walked
Persued by orcs and
Someone with bare feet
We lost the Wizard to
The Bane of Durin's folk
And it's looking more
Than just a little bleak
Strider is trying hard
It's really not his fault
He's got to go to Gondor
And be King
Boromir is stalking me and
Legolas is fighing with Gimli
I wish I'd never heard of
this darn Ring!
Feeling good would be easier
If it wasn't so heavy
Sam, he's doing
everything he can
To help me on my way
And finish up this job.
I think we're toast,
but I won't let him know
It's better if he doesn't
Know how far there is yet to go
tune: the Age of Aquarius
When the Hobbit is in Elrond's house
And Rohan aligns with Gondor
Then all heck will break loose
And the halflings forth shall stand...
This is the dawning of the...
Third Age of Middle-earth...
I present the singing Lemmings once again!
Diver, dressed in home-spun weskit and bracers, sings the part of Samwise Gamgee.
Plumment is on backing vocals and accordian
I will walk 500 leagues
tune: I will walk 500 miles, by The Proclaimers
When I get caught spyin'
I know I'm gonna rue the day
I really should have found a better place to hide
When the Wizard
When ol Gandalf has his say
I'm gonna promise that I'll never leave your side
I will go 500 leagues
And I will go 500 more
Just to be the one who
went a 1000 leagues with Frodo to Mordor
dadadada! dadadada! dun-de-la-dun, de-la-dun,
de-la-dun, de-la-dun, dada!
dadadada! dadadada! dun-de-la-dun, de-la-dun,
de-la-dun, de-la-dun, dada!
We walked and boated,
Some very pretty lands we saw
Some rather nasty places, also we did see.
Next time we go out
Mr Frodo, don't you know
Let's not let wizards run the travel agency!
I will go 500 leagues
And I will go 500 more
Just to be the one who
went a 1000 leagues with Frodo to Mordor
dadadada! dadadada! dun-de-la-dun, de-la-dun,
de-la-dun, de-la-dun, dada!
dadadada! dadadada! dun-de-la-dun, de-la-dun,
de-la-dun, de-la-dun, dada!
When we get there;
When we get to the Black Land
There is a score that I must settle ere we leave.
That there Smeagol;
I've got his name on this here pan,
For every deed against you I will make him grieve!
I will go 500 leagues
And I will go 500 more
Just to be the one who
went a 1000 leagues with Frodo to Mordor
dadadada! dadadada! dun-de-la-dun, de-la-dun,
de-la-dun, de-la-dun, dada!
dadadada! dadadada! dun-de-la-dun, de-la-dun,
de-la-dun, de-la-dun, dada!
When I get home;
When I get back to Shire again
I know that Rosie-lass is waitin' there for me!
I will win her!
Yes, I will be her 'man'
There's got to be a happy end to this story!
I will go 500 leagues
And I will go 500 more
Just to be the one who
went a 1000 leagues with Frodo to Mordor
dadadada! dadadada! dun-de-la-dun, de-la-dun,
de-la-dun, de-la-dun, dada!
dadadada! dadadada! dun-de-la-dun, de-la-dun,
de-la-dun, de-la-dun, dada!
capering
lemmings race about the PP common room and urge all the patrons to
purchace their soon-to-be-released CD entitled "Ode to the Fall"
(I only
wish
it was about autumn! *sigh*)
The Rousing of Rohan
tune: Doo wah diddy, by (duh?)
Here they come, just a-walking into view
It's an Elf, Dwarf, Ranger, and a grey Wizard, too.
"Gandalf Stormcrow, why should I welcome you?"
And your Elf, Dwarf, Ranger, (such a beggarly crew!)
You walk in... To my Hall
My counsellor... You name-call...
Whoaa! Whoooa!!
I knew I was under a spell...
'Cause I listened to all the lies that Grima'd tell!
Before I know it, I'm riding to a row,
With an Elf, Dwarf, Ranger, and a WHITE Wizard, now.
We're gonna win this fight? (I'd like to know how?)
With just an Elf, Dwarf, Ranger, and ...
... where's that wizard now?
Now together we are riding into fame
With an Elf, Dwarf, Ranger, and Gandalf Greyhame
Kickin' orc-booty and takin' down names
Watch that Elf, Dwarf, Ranger, to Gondor we came.
The field ... of Pelennor
I found... that I'm mortal
But that's cool... I died well
Bid Eowyn... my Farewell!
Speech of the King of Rohan, from TTT:
"Arise, arise, Riders of Theoden!
Fell deeds awake: fire and slaughter!
spear shall be shaken, shield be splintered,
a sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises!
Ride now, ride now! Ride to Gondor!"
(jumps into the bar and blow a blast of a horn)
The Unsung Hero
tune: Lonely People, by America
(Loth brings out her battered harp)
This is for all the simple people
living in Gondor and the Shire:
Frodo's gone,
He's just an innocent halfling pawn, who
must throw the Ring into the Fire.
This is for all the rustic Hobbits
safe and snug in houses and hole;
Frodo cares
So much that he goes where no one dares to
though it will cost him life and soul.
Yes... he's gone away
May be back some day
May the Valar guide him home!
This is for all the folk in Gondor
thinking that Hobbits are too weak
Horns that blow
and armour bright; It's so fine a show, but
It makes it mighty hard to sneak.
Yes... he found the way
But he will not stay
His grey ship waits on the foam.