The Fellowship of the Ring ala Gilbert and Sullivan

by onónë

A side note… if you’re unfamiliar with any of these songs, there’s a good bet you can find them in the Gilbert and Sullivan Archive (http://diamond.boisestate.edu/gas/html/opera_index.html). I hope you all can enjoy this little bit of insanity. And if even a few of you go away humming G&S, I’ll feel “my hard work ain’t been in vain for nothin’!” So………


The Fellowship of the Ring ala Gilbert and Sullivan
With profuse apologies to both the aforementioned gentlemen and to Professor Tolkien

Act I Scene 1… In the Shire

After a brief prologue, mostly instrumental with spoken narrative about the Ring (very dull unless you’re the one who went to all the trouble to memorize those lines) the curtain rises and we find ourselves in the Shire. It’s a beautiful day and preparations are being made for a birthday party like none other. Hobbits are everywhere. Gandalf enters stage left to a round of applause and begins…

[“A Wandering Mistral I” from the Mikado]

Gandalf:
A wandering wizard, I –
A thing of crafty glances,
Of curious circumstances
Into which you must not pry.

My stock of fireworks
Will fit your every occasion
And to your own persuasion
I tailor their many quirks.
I tailor their many quirks.

Are you in sentimental mood?
They’ll bloom for you
Oh gorgeous! Gorgeous!
On maiden’s coldness do you brood?
They’ll cheer your mood!
Oh gorgeous! Gorgeous!
They’ll flower just for you
With gold and brilliant blue
While stars shine brightly through
You’ll frankly Oooh…
Oh gorgeous! Gorgeous!

But if stories and heroic tales are wanted
I’ve heroic tales which fireworks illustrate
For I’ve noticed when these stories are recited
It’s the fireworks that make suspense so great!
They burst in brilliant colors and resemble
Dragons, elves and mighty warriors all around,
And I shouldn’t be surprised if nations tremble
When they hear the cacophony and terrifying sound!

Hobbit Chorus:
We shouldn’t be surprised if nations tremble,
When they hear the cacophony and terrifying sound!

Gandalf:
A wandering wizard, I –
A thing of crafty glances,
Of curious circumstances
Into which you must not pry.
Into which you must not pry!


During this song we see the aforementioned birthday party in all its splendor. We also see the guest of honor depart abruptly without paying his bill… making the heir apparent slightly put out. After settling the bill, Frodo makes his way home during a very clever set change and is surprised to find that his inheritance, a small gold ring, is a doozie of a gift, being like the proverbial mole hill that one discovers is really a mountain after he has made the down-payment! This is highly disturbing to Frodo, who would prefer to chuck the blasted thing and be done with it. Gandalf, as always the bearer of good news, has other ideas, however.

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[“Stay, we must not loose our senses” from Pirates of Penzance]

Gandalf:
Stay, we must not loose our senses;
Wraiths who stick at no offenses
Will anon be here!
Sauron’s searching for his Precious
Very deep this will enmesh us
Just don’t disappear!

Frodo:
No! We must not loose our senses;
If they stick at no offenses
We should not be here!
Far away I should be going
Maybe somewhere where it’s snowing
While the coast is clear!

Frodo: What’s that?

Gandalf: Sh! Sh!

Frodo: What’s that?

Gandalf: Get down……

Oh Ho! Sam by the open window
Did you think that I would never know?
Now I charge that you begin to spout
what you heard of what we talked about
It’s too late to be weed chopping
So you must have been eavesdropping
I demand you show all that you know
Even though you will go now with Frodo.

Sam:
I was not listening at the window
When you spoke of all that you now know
Of a Ring and wraiths and a Dark Lord
Who has built himself a mighty horde.
I know nothing of this Ring et al
Please don’t make me anything unnatural
So how can I show all that I know
Even though I will go now with Frodo?

Sam and Gandalf:
So of course now you(I) shall have to go
On this quest along with Frodo
You(I) shall have to, have to, have to go with Frodo, with Frodo!


So Frodo and a reluctant Sam set out, accompanied and aided (or is that hindered?) by their dear friends Merriadoc Brandybuck and Perigrine Took. They make for Bree, but before they even get half-way there… they begin having second thoughts.

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[“From the Sunny Spanish shore” from Gondoliers]

Frodo
From the quiet Shire trend
The Master of Bag End

Sam
And his faithful gardener true

Merry
And his faithful cousin too

Pippin
And his cousin’s closest chum
On this mission, quest have come
On this mission, quest have come…

All
If ever, ever, ever they get back home
They never, never, never from that home will roam—
They never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never from that home will roam!

Frodo
Never from the quiet, simple Shire trend
The humble Master of Bag End

Sam
Nor his faithful gardener, staunch and true

Merry
You may add his faithful cousin, too

Pippin
Nor his cousin’s own particular chum
On this mission, quest will come
On this mission, quest will come…

All
If ever, ever, ever they get back home
They never, never, never from that home will roam—
They never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never from that home will roam!
They never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never from that home will roam!


The curtain falls.