| Title: A song that was cut from FOTR If I Had the Magazine Ode to Strider-man Sponges, kilts, and Muu Muus Gaffer's Got a Brand New Rake Thank God I'm a Shire Hobbit |
Sung to the Tune of: Willy Wonka's Boatride If I Only Had a Brain Spiderman Lawyers, Guns and Money Papa's Got a Brand New Bag Thank God I'm A Country Boy |
If I Had the Magazine
to the tune of "If I Only Had a Brain"
I could while away the hours
Reading amongst the flowers
Relaxing without strain.
And my head I'd be a-scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I had the magazine.
I'd unravel all the articles
Inspectin' every particle
In the whole magazine.
With the thoughts I'd be a-thinkin'
I could hear the armor clinkin'
If I had the magazine.
Oh I could tell you all
The story behind Howard Shore
I could read of things I'd never read before
And then I'd sit, and read some more.
I would not be just a nothin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My nose stuck in the magazine.
I would laugh and I'd see Merry
I would be in no big hurry
If I had the magazine
Strider-man, Strider-man
Does whatever a ranger can
Wields a sword, any size
Squashes orcs, just like flies
Look out! Here comes the Strider-man!
Is he strong? Listen, Bud!
He's got Numenor blood.
Run, Frodo, is what he said.
He just lopped off Lurtz's head.
Hey there, there goes the Strider-man!
Weathertop,in the chill of night,
At the scene of the crime
Like a streak of light
He arrives just in time
Strider-man, Strider-man
Friendly neighborhood Strider-man
Wealth and fame, he's ignored
Protecting Frodo is his reward
To him, life is a great big bang-up
Wherever there's a hang-up
You'll find the Strider-man!
Sponges, kilts, and Muu Muus
to the tune of Lawyers, Guns, And Money
Well, I went down to the Pony
The way I always do
How was I to know
I would get hit with the goo.
I was checking in the mailbox
I took a little risk
Found sponges, kilts and muu muus
Sam, get me out of this.
I'm the innocent Old Gaffer
Somehow I got stuck
Between the Pony and the Mailbox
And I'm down on my luck
And I'm down on my luck
And I'm down on my luck
Now I'm hiding in the garden
I'm a desperate fan
With sponges, kilts and muu muus
Please help me if you can.
With sponges, kilts and muu muus...
Gaffer's Got a Brand New Rake
to the tune of James Brown's Papas Got a Brand New Bag
*Starts strutting around*
Come here hobbit.....Gaffer's in the swing
He ain't too hip...about that new breed blade.
He ain't no fake
Gaffer's got a brand new rake.
Come here muu muu....and dig this crazy scene
He's not too fancy....but his rake is pretty clean
He ain't no fake.
Gaffer's got a brand new rake
He's doing the mambo....
He's doing the Fly
Don't play him cheap 'cause you know he ain't shy
He's doing the Monkey, the Mashed Potaters, Jump back Jack, See you later
olligator.
Come here hobbit
Gaffer's in the swing
He ain't too hip now
but I can dig that new breed blade;
He ain't no fake
He's got a brand new rake.
blushing from such a charade
