Calafalas' Sung to the Tune of...


Title:
A Song for Samwise
A Song for Legolas and Gimli
I've Been Killin' Uruk-Hai
A Special Song for Bilbo from Gollum's POV
Red, Red Cloak
Middle Earth Elves
I Could Have Fought All Night
Bob the Balrog's Song
Khazad-Dum
Hair, sung by Legolas and hairy friends
Sam to Frodo: I Will Follow
Skanky Strider's Imagination
A Song for Saruman
Aragorn's Coronation
Mordor's Not my Home
King Elessar
Taters in my Skillet
I Got You Friend
Wraiths in the Wind
A Song from Smeagol
To the Tune of:
Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
You're so Vain
I've Been Workin' on the Railroad
You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling
Red, Red Wine
California Girls
I Could Have Danced All Night
Great Balls of Fire
Katmandu
Hair
I Will Follow
Just My Imagination
Bad, Bad Leroy Brown
Crystal Blue Persuasion
New York's Nor my Home
(The Age of) Aquarius
Sunshine on my Shoulders
I Got You Babe
Dust in the Wind
Can't Take my Eyes off You


A song for Samwise.

Sung to the tune of Sitting on the Dock of the Bay,

Standing in the evening sun
I'll be standing when the morning comes
Watching the ships sail in
And I watch them sail away again.

Standing at the long firth of Lune
Watching the white ship sail away
I'm just standing at the long firth of Lune
Weeping tears.

I left my home in the Shire
Headed for the Grey Havens
'Cause my dear friend Frodo is hurt
And there is nothing here that will heal him.

So I'm just..
Standing at the long firth of Lune
Watching the white ship sail away
I'm just standing at the long firth of Lune
Weeping tears.

After the War of the Ring
For many years I served the Shire
Planting, growing, toiling and mayoring
And thirteen children I have sired.

Sitting here resting my bones
And this loneliness won't leave me alone
'Cause now I have left my home
Just to make this firth my home.

Now I'm just...
Standing on the deck of the ship
Watching the Shire roll away
Standing on the deckof the ship
Sailing west.


A song for Legolas from Gimli
Sung to the tune of You're so vain by Carly Simon.

You walked into Rivendell
Like you were walking onto a stage
Your perfect blonde hair was braided and coiffed
Your cloak it was elven grey
You had one eye in the mirror
As you watched yourself gavotte
And all the maids dreamed that they'd be your partner
They'd be your partner, and

You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

You made me curse under my breath
When you volunteered to go
Well I said that I would offer him my axe
And that you would never leave
Without a dwarf to watch your elvish
And that we would hunt orc
I had some dreams they were elves looking messy
Elves looking messy, and

You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

I had some dreams they were elves looking messy
Elves looking messy, and

You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

Well, then we all went up to Moria
Then your skill naturally won
And you slew many dark orcs with your elven bow
You killed the sad cave troll in Balin’s tomb
And saved us on the collapsing stairs
Then when Gandalf fell you
Ran very quickly while you were sad and grieving
Were sad and grieving, and

You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't you? Don't you?

You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you

You're so vain (so vain)
I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't you? Don't you?
- Calafalas and Lothithil

I've Been Killin' Uruk Hai
Sung to the tune "I've Been Working on the Railroad"


I've been killin’ Uruk Hai,
On Amon Hen.
I've been killin’ Uruk Hai,
Cause I really don’t like them.
Boromir soon will be a pin cushion.
Lurtz really has it in for him.
Don't you hear Merry shouting
“Boromir, blow your horn?"

Boromir, won't you blow,
Boromir, won't you blow,
Boromir, won't you blow your horn?
Boromir, won't you blow,
Boromir, won't you blow,
Boromir, won't you blow your horn?

Someone's in the forest with Boromir.
Someone's in the forest, I know.
Someone's in the forest with Boromir
Strumming on their bow and arrow.

Fee, fie, fiddle-e-i-o.
Fee, fie, fiddle-e-i-o-o-o-o.
Fee, fie, fiddle-e-i-o.
Strumming on their bow and arrow.


A special song for Bilbo from Gollum's POV

Sung to the Righteous Brothers You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin"

(clears throat, it was a long day at work, not bad, just long)
I lost my precious ring when I went to catch shiny fish
The fish was going to be so very dee lee shee ish
When I looked for my precious it was gone
And I had loved my precious for so long.

(Refrain)
I've lost my precious ring
Whoa, my shiny ring
You've stole my precious ring
Now it's gone, gone, gone wooooooooooooooooh!

You were lost under the Misty mountains when you found me
I was hungry and a hobbit would be nice and juicy
I challenged you to a riddle contest
You asked what did you have in your pockets

(Refrain)
I've lost my precious ring
Whoa, my shiny ring
You've stole my precious ring
Now it's gone, gone, gone wooooooooooooooooh!

Bilbo, Bilbo that's when I knew you had my ring
I tried to catch you, but didn't see anything, yeah
I want my ring, my ring, my ring you stole from me today
So don't, don't, don't run too far away.

Bilbo, Bilbo, Bilbo, Bilbo
I beg of you please, please
I need my ring, I need my ring
I need my ring, I need my ring
So bring it on back, so bring it on back
Bring it on back, so bring it on back.

Bring back my precious ring
Whoa my precious ring
Bring back my precious ring
"Cause it's gone, gone, gone
And I can't go on nooooooooo.

((Calafalas takes a bow, rips off poly suit, and heads for the bar.))


Red, Red Cloak

Sung originally to the tune of "Red, Red Wine" by Neil Diamond, a nice ballady kind of tune, but I was gently reminded by a dear friend(((Loth))) that it is also sung reggae style more recently by UB40. Sing it whichever way is most pleasing to thine own ear. I apologize in advance for my irreverency. I do adore Haldir, but he did choose to wear red on that fateful night.


Red, red cloak
Stay close to me
Keep me warm and safe
Here in Helm's Deep.

Red, red cloak
It's up to me
To lead my warriors
Fair Galadhrim are we
Here fulfilling our oath.

I'd have sworn
I'd be safe
If I wore
You on my back
I was wrong
Now I find
Something sharp
Sticking in me.

Red, red cloak
Stay close to me
Don't let me be alone
When forth I must go
West to Mandos.
- Calafalas

Middle Earth Elves
Lights the bonfire and starts roasting weinies and marshmallows.
Sung to the happenin' Beach Boys tune California Girls.

Well Vanyar elves are hip
I really dig those styles they wear
And the Sindar elves with the way they talk
They knock me out when I'm down there.
The Beleriand Elf Lords really
Make you feel alright
And the Noldor elves with the way they kiss
They keep their elf maids warm at night.

I wish they all could be Middle Earth
I wish they all could be Middle Earth
I wish they all could be Middle Earth elves.

Falas coast has the sunshine
And the elves all get so tanned
I dig a Teleri elf of Alqualonde
Elves by a swan boat in the bay.
I been all around this great big world
And I seen all kinds of elves
Yeah, but I couldn't wait to get to Middle Earth
Back to the cutest elves in the world.

I wish they all could be Middle Earth
I wish they all could be Middle Earth
I wish they all could be Middle Earth elves.

Where's the mustard?




I Could Have Fought All Night
A song for the dwarf from the new hit musical My Fair Gimli. (My sincerest apologies to Alan Lerner).
Sung to the tune I Could Have Danced All Night.

Bed, Bed I couldn't go to bed
My head's to light to try to set it down
Sleep, Sleep I couldn't sleep tonight
Not for all the jewels in the crown

I could have fought all night
I could have fought all night
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before

I'll never know
What made it so exciting
Why all at once,
My heart took flight

I only know when they
Began to fight with me
I could have fought fought fought!
All night.

It's after three now

Don't you agree now
They ought to be dead

I could have fought all night
I could have fought all night
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before.
I'll never know
What made it so exciting.
Why all at once my heart took flight.
I only know when they
Began to fight with me.
I could have fought fought fought all night!

I understand, orc.
It's all been grand, orc.
But now it's time to die.

I could have fought all night,
I could have fought all night.
And still have begged for more.
I could have spread my wings,
And done a thousand things
I've never done before.
I'll never know
What made it so exciting.
Why all at once my heart took flight.
I only know when they
Began to fight with me
I could have fought fought fought
All night!


My contribution to LOTR the musical. In the dark halls of Moria, there can be found Bob the Balrog singing his favorite song,
sung to Jerry Lee Lewis' Great Balls of Fire

You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain
Too much magic drives a balrog insane
You broke my will, oh what a thrill
Goodness gracious great balls of fire

I came to lurk deep in Moria’s tunnels
Durin came along and woke me, Gandalf
Flame of Udun, shadow spawn
Goodness gracious great balls of fire

I met you wizard, with breath of flames
Valaraukar, a demon of terror is my other name
On fire, so dire
In a shadow world that is a quagmire mire mire-ire

I spread my wings and I cracked my whip
You cursed me wizard said I cannot pass
Come on Gandalf, you drive me crazy
Goodness gracious great balls of fire

Well smite me Gandalf, woo-oooooo....down we fell
Fight me Gandalf
I want to maul you with a mighty yell
Glamdring, that stings
We’re falling down deep in this mine mine mine
mine-ine

I spread my wings and I cracked my whip
I'm real nervous 'cause I lost my grip
Come on Gandalf, you drive me crazy
Goodness gracious great balls of fire

I say goodness gracious great balls of fire...oooh...



Khazad-dum
(Wooohooo! A song for Gimli Day!)
Sung by Gimli to Bob Seger's tune Katmandu!

I think I'm going to Khazad-dum.
That's really, really where I'm going to.
If I ever get out of here,
That's what I'm gonna do.
K-K-K-K-K-K Khazad-dum.
I think that's really where I'm going to.
If I ever get out of here,
I'm going to Khazad-dum.

I got no kick against the Shire Folk.
Friendly Hobbits are such good hosts.
I raise my ale glass and give them a toast.
I'm sure they know it's true.
I got no rap against Elrond’s estate.
Every time I've been here it's been great.
But now I'm leaving and I can't be late,
And to myself be true.

That's why I'm going to Khazad-dum.
Up to the mountain's where I'm going to.
And if I ever get out of here,
That's what I'm gonna do.
K-K-K-K-K-K Khazad-dum.
That's really, really where I'm going to.
If I ever get out of here,
I'm going to Khazad-dum.

I've got no quarrel with the Long Lake.
The folks there have given me a fair shake.
I've lived there all my life; I've ate their cake.
I sure have loved it, too.
I'm tired of looking at the elven lords.
I'm tired of staring hard and being bored.
I figure, Frodo, I've got nothing to horde.
I'm tired of being blue.

That's why I'm going to Khazad-dum.
Up to the mountain's where I'm going to.
If I ever get out of here,
That's what I'm gonna do.
K-K-K-K-K-K Khazad-dum.
Take me, Frodo, cause I'm going with you.
If I ever get out of here,
I'm going to Khazad-dum.

I ain't got nothin' 'gainst Lorien.
It is the home of the fair Galadhrim.
Though the elves are haughty and insolent.
The Golden Lady is aloof.
I know I'm gonna miss the fights and fray.
I guess I'll miss it every single day.
But no one loves me here anyway!
I know my path is true.

The one that's going to Khazad-dum.
Up to the mountain's where I'm going to.
If I ever get out of here,
That's what I'm gonna do.

K-K-K-K-K-K Khazad-dum.
Really, really, really, going to.
If I ever get out of here,
If I ever get out of here,
If I ever get out of here,
I'm going to Khazad-dum.



Hair, sung by Legolas and his band of hairy friends:

(Sung by Legolas)
Gimme a head with hair, long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen
Give me down to there, hair!
Shoulder length, longer (hair!)
Here Elrond, there Gandalf, Everywhere pretty Leggy

CHORUS:(Sung by all)
Hair! (hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair)
Flow it, Show it;
Long as I can grow it, My Hair!

(Sung by Legolas)
Let it fly in the breeze and get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my hair
A home for fleas, a hive for bees
A nest for birds, there ain't no words
For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder of my

CHORUS:(Sung by all)
Hair! (hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair)
Flow it, Show it;
Long as I can grow it, My Hair!

(Sung by Frodo)I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy
(Sung by Bill the pony)Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
(Sung by Aragorn who else?)Oily, greasy, fleecy, shining
(Sung by Haldir)Gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen
(Sung by Lurtz)Knotted, polka-dotted; Twisted, beaded, braided
(Sung by Saruman)Powdered, flowered, and confettied
(Sung by Smeagol)Bangled, tangled, spangled and spaghettied!

(Sung by Legolas)
O-oh, Say can you see; my eyes if you can,
Then my hair's too short!
Down to here, down to there,
Down to where, down to there;
It stops by itself!
doo doo doo doo doot-doot doo doo doot

They'll be ga-ga at the go-go
when they see me in my toga
My toga made of blond, brilliantined, beautiful hair
My hair like Arwen wore it
Illuvatar I adore it
Illuvatar I have more of it
I am still the prettiest.

CHORUS:(Sung by all)
Hair! (hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair)
Flow it, Show it;
Long as I can grow it, My Hair!