Gimli - a poetic biography
When Gimli was a baby
His Daddy swelled with pride,
But adults fled at just one glimpse
And other babies cried.
If Mommy took him to the park
All around would stop and stare,
Yet baby Gimli would smile at them
Through his mass of facial hair.
When little Gimli went to school
All the children turned their backs,
So he would tip-toe up behind
And scare them with his axe.
But once they got to know him
They loved his style and grace,
So it didn't seem to matter
That they couldn't see his face.
By the time he went to college
Gimli was the coolest dwarf in town
And he was thrilled that on his Prom night
He was given the Prom Kings crown.
His yearbook entry made him laugh
Though he couldn't work out why
He was voted 'Most likely to succeed
In slaying Uruk-Hai'
So Gimli grew into a dwarf
With stature strong and fine
Then off went he to Rivendell
To become one of The Nine
The rest we know, we've read the book
It's written down for us to see.
We've grown to love this hairy dwarf
And the warrior he came to be.
(So, the moral of the story is
If you think that someone's weird,
Look really hard and you will find
A friend behind the beard).
Overhill and over stream
Mashing things is a scream!
I get to kick and stomp and roar
Being an Oliphont's never a bore!
But there was the time I was in this battle
And, now don't think me a big tattle,
But there were these green ghostie things
And with fear it makes your blood sings
But wouldn't you know, just my luck--
The stupid ghosties attacked my butt!
– A Lantern Poem
Needs a wash
Never stays clean
Folks are always dis-ing me
'Cause of my lanky hair
No one seems to comment on
My steely, sea-gray stare
Nor do they take the time to comment
On my prowess with a sword
Gracefull as a ballet step, as I
Slaughter uruk-hai hoardes
My royal mein, my lantern jaw
My nicely grown in beard
I am the bloody King, you know
Someone to be honour and be feared!
But no... this is all I hear all day,
With Arwen giggling at what's said,
As she hands me another bottle of Suave...
I think I'll just shave my head!
It's good not to be the King
It's nice to be the Steward's son
And bear the silver horn
It's pretty cool to be Denny's Heir
It's fun to be First Born
I am the captain of the Guard
My name my people sing
And best of all these wondrous things...
I don't have to become King!
No royal ballroom, no velvet drawers
No stuffy courtroom affairs
Nobody minds if I wear leather coats
Or if I ever wash my hair!
I am supposed to be a grimy Man
My contract says so clearly
If I was always perfectly coiffed
The fangirls would be chasing me!
They'd leave behind that lanky Ranger
And drop Frodo like a rock
And Orli's fans... well, if I was of a mind
I'd be shepherd of that flock!
But I am happy being me
An unprepossessing Man
I don't need the award of any Academy
With Linaewen as my biggest fan!